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[daniel_von_flanagan]

Sorry for the incontinence.

That sounds like a spelling-checker problem; for example, he typed "incontenience", the spell checker caught it and offered a replacement, and he chose "OK" without looking too hard because he was in a hurry.

In fact, I'll wager that a large fraction of the malapropisms in this thread are partly the spell-checker's fault. - DvF

[turtle]

Oh, I'm sure it's a spell-check/autocorrect problem, DVF--that doesn't make it less hilarious to read, however!

[daniel_von_flanagan]

Oh, I'm sure it's a spell-check/autocorrect problem, DVF--that doesn't make it less hilarious to read, however!

Agreed. - DvF

[conjugate]

Sort of a student email:

Essays due at beginning of class last night, 7:00 pm.  I get home with heap of essays at 9:15 pm, open work email.  Find email from student, sent at 6:55 pm, with "paper" in subject line, and an attachment.  Ever optimistic (this guy didn't hand in the only other writing assignment for this course), I open the attachment ... which turns out to be, in its entirety, his cover page.  No essay - and no reply to my email requesting the rest before midnight, or it'd be subject to a late penalty.  Which was already a stretch, since it was due 5 hours earlier.

?? Did he think I wouldn't notice the utter lack of an essay? Is this a gambit I've never seen before?

Possibly this is a "wrote the cover page; saved to disk; wrote the essay; attached file on disk to e-mail; mailed the e-mail; closed word processor and said YES when it asked if he wanted to save the file" error.  In other words, he may have written the thing but sent you only the part he'd saved.  That is not to excuse Mr. Silly, however, merely to suggest a possible explanation for the weirdness.

[turpentine]

 Dear Professor Turpentine,

    I am emailing you to tell you that I was not in class today because my family and I had to travel to my Grandmothers house for Thanksgiving. So, I am super worried about this class, and I will do anything to get a good grade in this class.  ANYTHING.
Please tell me what I can do and I will do it. Senate? extra drawings? or setting up our show? OR ALL. Let me know, and maybe we could talk more about it in class. Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Thank You for everything you do!


                                                           

[juniorprof_tt]

Wow, I never thought I'd get one--

The deal here is my students were asked to complete a survey questionnaire almost four weeks ago.  I was away the day they were to drop them in in my mailbox, then we had spring break and I was away at several conferences the next week. A few did not turn surveys in, including the student below. I emailed them Monday to return them to me by this Friday.

My students are all currently off-campus for two weeks at a clinical internship, this student's internship is about 8 miles from campus. What truly irked me is that Monday she is at the same internship as she will be on Friday, so she's never "near" campus, always the same distance.


From student:

I am sorry Dr. junior-prof.  I thought I would have had more time to drop by after school today to drop off the survey.  However, my mom had brain surgery today and they moved her surgery up, so I had to rush out of school as soon as I was done to make it downtown before he went in.  Also, I won't be near [university town] tomorrow.  Is it too late if I turn it in on Monday?

(signed) Miss-always-ten-minutes-late-for-class



My response after an impromptu retail therapy outing and a nice dinner:

Dear Miss-always-ten-minutes-late-for-class,

I am so sorry to hear your mother is hospitalized,  You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers at this time.

If at any time your family situation/emergency prevents you from attending your internship or completing any class assignment or task on time, please be sure to officially document your family emergency with Dr. Smith,  Dean of Students.  

The survey project was due nearly four weeks ago, however for those who neglected to return the survey, I did extend the deadline till tomorrow afternoon. I appreciate you doing everything you can to be sure you turn it in Friday afternoon  4/4.  I'll be in [my university office] until 4:45 PM.

See you tomorrow,

junior prof



PS.
I've been reading this thread a while now, but new to posting.  I swear, reading everyone's comments has made me likely likely to accept the myriad 1001 recycled excuses.  

Was I too mean/insensitive?  If my evaluations aren't toast, I bet they are going to be cripsy around the edges. But I'm developing a budding aversion to slackers.

[tee_bee]

I never had a good one, until today

The assignment in my graduate course this week was to write a short memo asking students to explain how to design a policy so as to improve its prospects for being implemented.

Student writes today saying that "the memo really doesn't apply to my case, because in this state, when the governor signs a bill it's automatically enacted into law, and therefore implemented." Later in the note he notes that "If you have any questions about [our state's] government just let me know and I can clarify them for you."

I write to him and explain that I know enough about politics (I am a full professor of it, after all) that his claim is unsustainable on many grounds, including that, if true, this state would be unique among all liberal democracies in the world. (Of course, the first theorist who made his claim has been soundly debunked for well over 100 years.) A rational person would have read my reply and thought "uh, oh, maybe I don't understand the assignment." Instead he said he'd take my "comments under advisement."

I've already taken his grade for the semester under advisement. It ain't pretty.

[darkmatter]

Dear Professor Turpentine,

    I am emailing you to tell you that I was not in class today because my family and I had to travel to my Grandmothers house for Thanksgiving. So, I am super worried about this class, and I will do anything to get a good grade in this class.  ANYTHING.
Please tell me what I can do and I will do it. Senate? extra drawings? or setting up our show? OR ALL. Let me know, and maybe we could talk more about it in class. Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Thank You for everything you do! 

Am I reading too much into this here?

[tee_bee]

Here's one about our recent midterm exam.

The gist: "I made a 'slip' at the beginning of the problem (i.e. misinterpreted the whole thing). Shouldn't I get the same grade as a student who made a little 'slip' at the end of the problem (after solving it correctly up to that point)?"

"Hi Prof. Atalanta,

I just had a question regarding the midterm...

My question is this: I was wondering if it would be more fair if the question were graded, in the event that the student made this slip so early on, as if it were [an entirely different problem] and then partial credit given for how well the student solved the incorrect question. I ask this because, if a student were to make one slip in a later portion of the question, they would still receive ~8/10. But because I made a conceptual slip right at the very beginning of the question, I received 3/10; essentially, that would be a carry-over error marked wrong throughout the entire question. ... I should receive more points for correctly solving the [entirely different problem]. I think a mark of 3/10 indicates moreso that the student did not obtain an answer through any logical progression.

Your opinions would be appreciated."

An Air Canada flight from Montreal to Vancouver via Ottawa (I think) in about 1983 ran out of fuel somewhere over Manitoba and ended up doing a dead-stick, power off landing in Gimli, Man. Cause: fuelers used wrong units of measure and wrong conversions to load too little fuel on the plane; pilots failed to check the fuel levels. Fortunately, one of the pilots was an experienced glider pilot, although a 767 glides differently than a sailplane.

The point: shouldn't this be considered a sorta successful flight, even though the slip up was early, which led to a no power landing at an abandoned airstrip that was being used (legally) for drag racing? After all, the plane did make it half-way across Canada. Partial credit, right?

[assocpolysciprof]

Probably for the reason s/he decided to become trained as a first responder.  Some 18-year-olds are very very earnest, and will try to fix everything that they see which is even slightly broken.  Even though it can be a bit intrusive, I wouldn't mind seeing a bit more of this attitude (which was pretty common in the late 60s and 70s, then kind of faded away for a while).

Does concerned student really think that I am unaware of the disabled student's condition and have not coordinated accommodations with the disability services office?

Very possibly.  Most undergraduates have little knowledge that this kind of support exists and is part of the job.  - DvF

Thanks DvF. I often forget how earnest and naive some undergraduates can be. Still, it was terribly disconcerting to receive such an email.

[malo7]

Received from a student after I sent grades to the registrar:


hi prof

my name is --------. My final grade is a "D". I know i'm responsible for my grade but I am wondering if there is any extra credit or anything to boost my grade up to at least a C-. Thank You


He waits until after the quarter is over to ask for ways to improve his grade! I really don't know what to say.

[empyrean_aisles]

An Air Canada flight from Montreal to Vancouver via Ottawa (I think) in about 1983 ran out of fuel somewhere over Manitoba and ended up doing a dead-stick, power off landing in Gimli, Man. Cause: fuelers used wrong units of measure and wrong conversions to load too little fuel on the plane; pilots failed to check the fuel levels. Fortunately, one of the pilots was an experienced glider pilot, although a 767 glides differently than a sailplane.

The point: shouldn't this be considered a sorta successful flight, even though the slip up was early, which led to a no power landing at an abandoned airstrip that was being used (legally) for drag racing? After all, the plane did make it half-way across Canada. Partial credit, right?

Excellent example! I'm going to use it next time someone asks for partial credit.

[rockprof]

An Air Canada flight from Montreal to Vancouver via Ottawa (I think) in about 1983 ran out of fuel somewhere over Manitoba and ended up doing a dead-stick, power off landing in Gimli, Man. Cause: fuelers used wrong units of measure and wrong conversions to load too little fuel on the plane; pilots failed to check the fuel levels. Fortunately, one of the pilots was an experienced glider pilot, although a 767 glides differently than a sailplane.

The point: shouldn't this be considered a sorta successful flight, even though the slip up was early, which led to a no power landing at an abandoned airstrip that was being used (legally) for drag racing? After all, the plane did make it half-way across Canada. Partial credit, right?

I know a professor who developed an assignment for students utilizing this real-life example.

[barrelofmonkeys]

This, after missing hus advisement appointment, made late because "hu didn't know hu had to register this week" even after I sent TWO reminder e-mails to all my precious advisees:

Dr. Monkeys I am sorry. I did not get a lot of sleep last night. I had a 8:30 class today, we got out at 9:00 and I decided to take a nap. I got up at 11:30 because I forgot to set my alarm clock I am sorry for this inconvience. I will be in your office fer sure tomorrow.
 
Thanks
SuperSlacker

Inconvience??  9 AM = naptime??

[anon99]

...I had a 8:30 class today, we got out at 9:00 and ...

He has a class that lasts only 30 minutes!  Where do I sign up to teach one of those??