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[svenc]

No response so far.  The student's last e-mail was followed by a second blank e-mail with the paper attached again, probably just to make sure that it went through.

You are probably right about the stress-grief connection here.  My response to that last e-mail was about as cold as I have ever been to a student in an e-mail, but I just couldn't get any sympathy to win out over my annoyance, especially since I don't know if X went to a funeral or a "funeral."

I'd bet a month's salary that this student was bulls***ting you twice (once about the "attached" paper, once about the funeral).  Did you check the document properties, by the way?

In any case, I'd politely ask him for the name of the deceased and location of the funeral, and if it were indeed a lie just to try to ensure you accept the paper (or to make you feel bad), I'd send it on up the food chain.  Seriously, there's an academic honesty code on most campuses for a reason.  And I don't like being bulls***ted.
 

[svenc]

It may be that the hostility is the student's way of dealing with grief, stress, fear, or some combination of these.

Call me heartless, but I think it's simply a page from the "best defense is a good offense" playbook.

[geonerd]

I advise all of my students who tell me family crisis stories to meet with the Dean of Students, who will advise them what documentation is needed. I offer to walk over to the Dean's office with them, right now if they would like. For those in genuine crisis, the Dean will contact the professors and it saves the student the hassle of having an emotional charged discussion multiple times. The Dean puts them in touch with counselors, although its up to the student to follow through. For those BS-ing, they typically choose not to meet with the Dean and that's the end of it. Of course there's always an exception. I had one BS-er pursue a lie up through the system, only backing down when it was pointed out that he left multiple, conflicting voice mail messages on mine and the Dean's systems, which we both saved. The gender of the deceased kept changing.

[geonerd]

I do not accept bribes via debit card.  Cash only, or gold.

True enough, but debit cards promote fiscal responsibility by ensuring that students bribe within their means without incurring excessive finance charges.

[mended_drum]

Okay, this one is awesome:

"dr grinnellns:  How are you?  Still grading I bet.  No, I'm not harrassing you for my grade.  But I heard you tell another student that you really like the sound of daunty (sp?), and since you're kind if my mom's age, I wondered if you could send me the name of that cd.  I'm out of ideas for Christmas.  Thanks!  See you next semester!"

Now, I was tempted to send him a link to a recording of selections from the Commedia, but instead I recommended Aerosmith. 

My job is so much fun sometimes.

[tulipp]

Good idea to check the document properties; I think X did have it created in time, at least according to this, but I didn't realize until now that I could see the amount of editing time; I will be using that in the future.

I love this idea:

I offer to walk over to the Dean's office with them, right now if they would like.

I have been much too soft this semester, which is my first on the tt.  Next semester, I'm back to my usual self: chewing gum and taking names.  But I'll be all out of gum.

[svenc]

Good idea to check the document properties; I think X did have it created in time, at least according to this, but I didn't realize until now that I could see the amount of editing time; I will be using that in the future.

Keep in mind that the document properties just tells you when the file was initially created.  So the start time does nothing to confirm the student's story (although it can indicate if the student didn't even create the file until after the due date).  The "last saved" date and time may give you some insight as to when the student was working on the file.  Of course, it doesn't mean much if it was last saved a few minutes before it was sent to you, as the student may have simply been checking the file before sending and hit "save" along the way.  However, it would be telling if the properties indicated that the file was being saved during the time that your student was supposedly at a funeral out of town.

[tamiam]

So, the exam for the class I teach was re-scheduled for last night - yes, Saturday night. My in-box, needless to say, was flooded with upset student requests, but I have no leeway and the Dean of Students deals with all requests to reschedule exams. One poor student missed out on her ski vacation because the Dean wouldn't excuse her because the ticket wasn't actually in her hands. (I wish she had been more explicit in her pleas to me; I would have caved on that one...)

This lovely mail comes in exactly 52 minutes after the exam was scheduled to end:

hello my name is xxx

for some reason i got confused on the time for the final exam and dont know what to do so that i dont fail ur clsss if u could tell me what i need to do that would be greatly appreciated

Like, what? It's Saturday night, you still haven't had an exam for one of your classes, and you don't bother to find out when it's supposed to be held? Pu-lease. She's sitting in her bedroom at home, figuring it's better to ask forgiveness than permission. Meanwhile, some poor kid who played by the rules missed out on her Christmas present/ski trip. I'm sick to my stomach here.

[studious]

Dear Professor:
Thank you for teaching the course.  I transferred from Kissyface University this semester where the classes were too large and very tough.  So I know what it is like being new—how tough it can be.  I think you have potential though.
Student

I got my doctorate from an Ivy in 2005...wtf?!

[galactic_hedgehog]

Dear Professor:
Thank you for teaching the course.  I transferred from Kissyface University this semester where the classes were too large and very tough.  So I know what it is like being new—how tough it can be.  I think you have potential though.
Student

I got my doctorate from an Ivy in 2005...wtf?!

So, what you're saying is, you haven't had a PhD for very long, probably haven't been teaching (at least at your current school) for very long, and a student enjoyed your class and thinks you can be a really good prof.  What exactly is the problem?

[hollow_man]

Dear Professor:
Thank you for teaching the course.  I transferred from Kissyface University this semester where the classes were too large and very tough.  So I know what it is like being new—how tough it can be.  I think you have potential though.
Student

I got my doctorate from an Ivy in 2005...wtf?!

So, what you're saying is, you haven't had a PhD for very long, probably haven't been teaching (at least at your current school) for very long, and a student enjoyed your class and thinks you can be a really good prof.  What exactly is the problem?

I think the message could be understood part of this genre: "I don't care what everyone else says; I like you."

Except this one is more like, "I don't care what everyone else says; I think you have the potential to be likable."

[grasshopper]

Dear Professor:
Thank you for teaching the course.  I transferred from Kissyface University this semester where the classes were too large and very tough.  So I know what it is like being new—how tough it can be.  I think you have potential though.
Student

I got my doctorate from an Ivy in 2005...wtf?!

So, what you're saying is, you haven't had a PhD for very long, probably haven't been teaching (at least at your current school) for very long, and a student enjoyed your class and thinks you can be a really good prof.  What exactly is the problem?

Yeah, you should be grateful that at least one customer approves. And lord knows, I'm always happy to receive unsolicited advice from random students at random times.

[octoprof]

Received in the email today [names changed to protect something or other]

Dear Professor

My name is Ming Xia, I am Phd candidate at Beijing Zhao University, one of the most prestigious universities in China. I am applying for a research assistant to your department, and the China Scholarship Council will provide the cost of living and traveling expenses.

My major is accounting. I am very interested in the areas of [octoprof's major research area] and [octoprof's very narrow sub-specialty], and longing to further my study in these areas. Since you are a well known specialist in these areas, I believe that it will be very helpful to my academic career if I have the chance to continue my research work under your guidance.

I am now applying for advanced studies in your quality program, hoping that I can someday become one of the top accounting experts in China. Now , there is a program which will support me studying in your university as a research assistant. The abstract advice as follow:

Established in 2007 by China Scholarship Council (CSC), a non-profit institution entrusted by the Chinese Government to manage the State Scholarship Fund, the Postgraduate Scholarship Program aims to improve the training of creative and distinguished postgraduates and enhance the development of China¡¯s higher education. Students should be Phd candidates like me, who is his second year for the phd study period. The government will support such class students to research abroad for one or two years. it is not necessary to get Phd degree. its status may be visiting scholars. Now I am applying for such supporting program from 2008-2009 academic year, which requires each applicant to acquire the invitation letter from the prof. from the top university abroad. China Scholarship Council will cover the living expenses and travel cost of the candidates, tuition excluded. So, the invitation letter and research proposal is enough at the request of the CSC.

I will be a full-day student studying in your group for one year. After finishing my program which will be set by both you and my supervisor, I will get my Ph.D. degree at Beijing Zhao University in China. I believe that, if given the opportunity to work with you, I will exert myself to help you in your research.

I sincerely hope that you can consider my request and accept me as one of your students. An early reply from you is therefore very important to me. Thank you very much!
 
Sincerely,
 
Ming Xia


NOTE: I'm not in a PhD granting department. We have no graduate assistantships, though we do have an active masters program.

[dept_geek]

I get emails like this all the time. Only problem is.. we don't have a graduate program. At all. Heck, we don't even have juniors & seniors.

[infopri]

I am applying for a research assistant to your department, and the China Scholarship Council will provide the cost of living and traveling expenses.  [...]

I will be a full-day student studying in your group for one year. After finishing my program which will be set by both you and my supervisor, I will get my Ph.D. degree at Beijing Zhao University in China. I believe that, if given the opportunity to work with you, I will exert myself to help you in your research. [...][/i]


NOTE: I'm not in a PhD granting department. We have no graduate assistantships, though we do have an active masters program.

Is it possible that Beijing Zhao University has agreed to give Ming Xia doctoral credit for working with you, even though Octoprof University does not award doctoral credit for this work?  BZU may have different standards than OU.  (Certainly, though, you'd want to make sure Ming Xia was clear about this, so your point is well-taken.)

Of course, as dept_geek implies, Ming Xia just may be yet another clueless student.