"favorite" student e-mails

[atalanta]

Here's my favorite so far this term (although there are so many, it's hard to choose!).

Received at the start of the third week of classes:

"hi, this is ___and I'm in your ___ class but have been golfing in [sunny vacation destination] for the past couple weeks so i have missed the first few classes. just wondering if there is anything important that i have missed ... please let me know what i should do."

!! This type of message used to p*** me off! Now, my new tactic is to save them in a special folder to share with colleagues later. So my first reaction to this message was one of glee ("I can't wait to show this one to Prof. CornerOffice!") instead of anger and frustration ("must.. control... fists!"). It's so much better for my stress level.

Do you have any "favorites" to share?

[fishbrains]

Here's one I received from an internet student the day AFTER an essay was due:

"i lost totally can u send help"

Not even advanced enough to begin the email with "Hey."

[atalanta]

Not even advanced enough to begin the email with "Hey."

... or my other favorite opener: "umm.."

[amlithist]

Or the general purpose, "Yo [my last name]--what up with ". . .

[anon99]

This wasn't an email, but a request directly from a student.  They wanted to know if I could start my afternoon class half an hour earlier.

[dagny]

I received an e-mail just today from a student that read: "I just did not expect the first test to be that hard. I did not even buy the book, so I hadn't read the chapters. I guess I am just trying to explain why I have gotten off on the wrong foot."

Where....to...begin......

[dogstar]

  In response to a small glitch with an online quiz (at 8 AM on a Friday morning):

  "I had to leave an open keg for this!"

[al_bundy]

"Ok, I understand what you mean.  It just said during the assignment that you had to find a value that did this.  Only no one value can reach all of these except infinity or a variable variant.  Even at two equals L few values do not include the full delta no matter what.  In other words, It seems that no matter the value there cannot be a solution because Delta varies.  I was going to try 2 Delta as an answer, but that wasn't a constant for e and I wasn't sure if it would work for this kind of problem."

If you can understand what he's talking about, please let me know.

"variable variant"... Bwahahahaha!!!

[acrimone]

The most pathetic email I ever received:

Professor Garcia,

Can I please get some extra credit in light of the last test which didnt go so well?  I know I'm not doing as well as I could but I really love your class and think you're a great teacher and I just think I deserve the chance to do as well as I know I can.  Please please please let me know what sort of assignment I can do.

My reply:

Dear Josephine,

No.  If you could have done better, you should have.

Sincerely yours,

Professor Garcia

[yatchie]

My favorite so far...

I do not like math much at all.... I am a liberal arts type of person. ;)  But I have been a 4.0 student all my life, and I want to contiue that way through college.  What I want to know is, what do I ahve to  do to get a "A"  or "B" in your class?

umm... study, do your homework, and read the directions?

[ritar]

From this semester:
Subject: Proof this paper before you grade it please! Thanks!
I attached a Word file and fill free to make your corrections in the Word document and save it and attach it to an email back to me.

Sure, kid. I'll "fill free" to rewrite your paper for you, then send it back to you before you turn it in to me to grade.

[trentsands]

My favorite so far...

I do not like math much at all.... I am a liberal arts type of person. ;)  But I have been a 4.0 student all my life, and I want to contiue that way through college.  What I want to know is, what do I ahve to  do to get a "A"  or "B" in your class?

umm... study, do your homework, and read the directions?

Know enough about mathematics to recognize that a "B" won't allow you to maintain a 4.0 gpa.

[senacole]

"About the midterm, I havent read the last couple of books, can I just read your notes and be o k?"

[zenprof]

This one came the week before classes stared in August:

Dear Professor Zenprof,
You don't know me, but I am registered for your [advanced undergrad] course. But my family will still be on vacation for the first two weeks of classes, so all my professors are sending me the lecture notes and assignments so I won't be behind when I get there after vacation. PLease fedex them to [address]. Sincerely,
Amanda [Lastname]

When I replied that no, I would not do that, that the experience of in class work, discussion, and listening was vital and she would get zeroes for assignments missed during that time, she wrote back:
[note lack of salutation & comma problems]

Well, I think this is really unfair, because, after all I will be cutting into my vacation time, to do the extra work of your class, out here in Mexico, when I would rather be enoying myself. I am considering dropping your class because of this.
Amanda
---------

I could almost *see* the petulant head-toss with that last sentence. !!  The real surprise for me was that she did show up the 2nd week of class, is actually doing ok, and is not all that jerky or bad.
z

[smart_e_pantz]

This one came the week before classes stared in August:

Dear Professor Zenprof,
You don't know me, but I am registered for your [advanced undergrad] course. But my family will still be on vacation for the first two weeks of classes, so all my professors are sending me the lecture notes and assignments so I won't be behind when I get there after vacation. PLease fedex them to [address]. Sincerely,
Amanda [Lastname]

When I replied that no, I would not do that, that the experience of in class work, discussion, and listening was vital and she would get zeroes for assignments missed during that time, she wrote back:
[note lack of salutation & comma problems]

Well, I think this is really unfair, because, after all I will be cutting into my vacation time, to do the extra work of your class, out here in Mexico, when I would rather be enoying myself. I am considering dropping your class because of this.
Amanda
---------

I could almost *see* the petulant head-toss with that last sentence. !!  The real surprise for me was that she did show up the 2nd week of class, is actually doing ok, and is not all that jerky or bad.
z

But Miss Amanda is going to trash the hell out of your evaluations at the end of the semester!