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[wd813]

I am just wondering if anyone has faced this situation and what they did about it.


I have twins and they have a "late" birthday; they make the cut off for kindergarten/school by about a month.  My spouse has been staying home with them since they were born, along with our other younger child.  My spouse will finish his graduate degree this coming spring and is going back to work; he is weary of staying home and I can't blame him. He has  been doing a terrific job with all our kids, but needs to go to work.

 I realize that every child is different and some are ready to go to kindergarten while others are not, but I wanted to see/hear what people have done in this situation.  Did you send your child (in my case children) or hold them back?  I have talked with many who have held their children for an additional year and were happy with that decision. What have other done in this situation?  Anyone sent their children and been happy?  My spouse and I would REALLY like it if the kids were ready to go and the cause is mainly financial.  Daycare (which they've been to) would be approx. 1600 a month for all three, but with one the cost goes down to 534 per month--a large difference. This is the cheapest we've found and we've called around.  I am sending my twins to preschool this fall (they wouldn't enroll in kindergarten until next year) and will trust the various teachers assessments.  I won't send them if they overwhelmingly agree they're not ready.

My twins are very excited about starting preschool (3 days a week for 2 hours) and it is evident they need some more interaction with kids, so even if they aren't ready for school, I think it would still be best for them to go to an all day daycare next fall and not at home all day.  Although just one more year, my spouse really wants to go to work and I support that decision 100%.  He doesn't want any additional lapses on his resume.  He feels that having twins (+1) and then completing a degree looks better than having kids, completing a degree and then remaining home another year.  He has already experienced a bit of, "YOU stayed home?  So what can you do?"

Other tidbits:  No family closer than twelve hours so that's not an option, no real part-time work--we've looked. My job requires day and evening hours ('til 10 some points in the semester) so he can't work at night.  And yes, the twins are boys, which I have found means a ton when discussing this issue.

Thanks for any insight/experiences.

[seniorscholar]

It depends entirely on readiness if you have a choice, in my opinion. Find out what the "curriculum" in kindergarten is, and how much of it your children have already mastered. If the kindergarten classes are learning letters, numbers, colors, and things your children already know (or begin to know), send them; if kindergarten begins by teaching reading and your children don't let know their letters, hold them back.

Though I didn't have twins, I did have two children born in November, in a state where December 1 was the cutoff. One of them was already reading on her own by the year she was old enough for kindergarten; she, thus, went happily. Child #2 was not -- actually, I think she so much enjoyed the power of having her older sister read aloud that she resisted the whole skill: "If I learn to read, I won't get to sit in laps and get read to any more." I held her back a year. (I was a VAP and single parent at the time, but the university had an excellent all-day daycare at very low cost, with several different rooms for children of different levels and lots of interns from the university's early-childhood education program.)

Fast forward 30 years: both of them have graduate degrees and successful careers.

[mikey]

We held our daughter back a year.  Here's why:  She started kindergarten in the public schools.  In October, I went in for a parent conference, and her teacher said, "She's a very sweet child.  However, she is going to fail at least two grades in elementary school.  At this time, I'm not prepared to reccommend (yes, it was misspelled on her written report) retention in kindergarten."  After weeping, I called an educational psychologist in private practice, who tested her and found her performing in at least the 80th percentile.  On his recommendation, we yanked her out and enrolled her in both a private nursery school and a private kindergarten.  She then went to a different public school kindergarten the following year--one that was not open concept like the first one.  She graduated second in her high school class, gained admittance to physical therapy school (28 were chosen out of over 400 applicants), got her masters in P.T., and is now engaged in a successful private practice.

Hold them back!

[gennimom]

You might want to check out attendance laws in your state. I think mine has said that all children who are 5 by Sept. 1st, must attend kindergarten. I could be wrong, but better to be safe than sorry.

[cancom]

My daughter has a summer birthday so we haven't had to consider that yet. Here, we also have a junior kindergarten (I suppose it's like nursery school but much more advanced since they are in split JK & SK classes).

She has a number of close friends whose birthdays are later in the year. Of all of them, only one had an difficulty in kindergarten and she was the one whose parent's waited the extra year. This doesn't mean that it will work for all children the same, but, as an earlier poster suggested, if the curriculum fits your boys' age then you shouldn't have much to worry about.

[velvetelvis]

I had an August birthday and bad eye-hand coordination, so I started kindergarten at 6 instead of 5.  Worked out great for me.  But whether it was the delay or whether I just did fine in school and life irrespective of that, I'll never know.

VE.

[sarahanne]

I let my son stay home an extra year. And, I did home schooling. I believe I made the right decision. I was the stay at home parent, and my spouse was the bread winner. I can certainly relate to your spouse needing a break.

Is there any way you could modify your schedule for a year to compliment your husband's schedule? Another thing, have you thought about asking a student to work as a nanny? You probably can't change your schedule for fall semester, but what about in the spring? Instead of one nanny, maybe, you'll need two sitters to work around your schedule for the fall.

[menotti]

If I understand right, the school system says they're old enough, and if the nursery school suggests they are not ready, you won't make them go.  So what's the problem?  Sure, check out the curriculum and make sure they'll be ok, but I really don't see that you need to drive yourselves crazy coordinating multiple nannies or spending a fortune if everyone concerned agrees that they should be fine.

[francie_]

When my son started kindergarten a few years ago, I noticed that the trend was to delay sending the Sept-Nov birthdays by a year.  Most were ready for kindergarten, I felt, especially those who had been in daycare or pre-K.  It seemed to be that it was really the parents who weren't ready, or who wanted make sure their oh-so-special child was one of the oldest in the class.  This was, not surprisingly, in a very competitive academic community.

Your children's readiness for school should be your primary consideration.  I'm assuming you've been through the kindergarten screening process for your school, but if not, do so to get the teachers' input before making your final decision.  With twins, I'm sure have other factors to consider and to discuss with the school as well.

If you don't send them to kindergarten, by all means you should still enroll them in pre-K.  I'd recommend that they go 5 days/wk, full or part-time, so that they are more used to the routines of school and being with a larger group of children.

[conjugate]

When I was a child, my parents were faced with this situation (yes, my birthday is approaching).  They got me into school early.  Though it was mostly good, there were some bad aspects to it as well.

For instance, in Junior High I was a year behind other kids in development.  That made life miserable, as I'm sure you can imagine.  In grade school there were bullying issues (back in the day when schools did not consider bullying a problem, so wouldn't intervene) because I was smaller.  Perhaps the latter is no longer a consideration.  Consider these things as well when you make your decision.

[j_source]

I have an October birthday and the cut-off was Dec 1 so I was always one of the youngest kids in class.  It worked out fine for me.  My son made the cut-off date by 2 days (it's Sept 1 in this district).  His pre-school teacher suggested a full-day kindergarten and that's what we did.  It was the right choice for him and he has flourished.

[brunhilde]

I'm not understanding why you are thinking of holding them back. The twins are old enough to go to kindergarten and it sounds like your husband would be very happy to have them go to some type of all-day arrangement (and kindergarten is the much cheaper option than daycare). Have they been tested for kindergarten readiness?

I would have them assessed and if they're ready, send them. If not, wait a year. If one twin is ready and the other is not, then it becomes more tricky.

I've heard that more parents are holding back kids so they won't be the youngest in school (especially boys), but I'm not sure there is any research supporting holding kids back just because of issues of age or size.  Boys can be bullied for many reasons other than being small.

You said you've talked with some parents that have done with good results, but their kids could have done just as well if they started on time, they can't know that. I am sure there are just as many stories about starting school young and doing well. I was born in November and started school in a state with a Dec 1 deadline. In the second grade, I moved to a state with an October 1 deadline, so I went through school with classmates who were older than me. I did just fine. My nephew was born in February, so when to start school was not really an issue. But 2 months into kindergarten, the teacher recommended he be moved into first grade. He did and is now starting 3rd grade and is doing well, despite being much younger than his classmates.

[shera]

First, to the OP, two of my children (girls) had birthdays in July and August.  I sent them both to kindergarten when they were 5 and later wished I hadn't.  They were a little behind both academically (late bloomers actually - dean's list in college) and socially.  In high school, it is really hard to set parameters around dating, riding in cars with their friends, driving, etc. when the majority of their friends are able to do those things.  My kids did well enough in school academically, but were never near the tops of their classes.  They didn't receive any of the college scholarships, etc.   But as noted above, each was on the dean's list in college.  They certainly weren't dumb kids.

Now my question along the same line.  My grandson will turn 5 in September.  His parents don't feel he is ready for kindergarten (and I agree) but there is not a preschool option for him in their small town.  So they negotiated with the school district for him to attend 1/2 day kindergarten this year and go back into full day kindergarten next year.  Since school started four days ago, my grandson can't understand why he has to leave at noon when all his classmates stay all day.  My daughter doesn't know what to do.

Would you:  a) keep him in the 1/2 day kindergarten, b) withdraw him without a preschool option, c) go ahead and enroll him all day now and definitely hold him back, or d) all day now and see what happens at the end of the year?

[helpful]

I had a fall birthday but the cutoff in our schools was September 1. So I was held back automatically. Guess what, after two years in primary school I was promoted one grade more than normal. Funny though, all my friends were in the year behind me!

I don't think I suffered much. hey, now I teach university!

So it's 6 of one, half a dozen of the other...I would pay attention to the assessment of the pre-school teachers.

One more question though: what is the birth month of the twins? If it is December, I would hold them back. But if it is August or September or even October I would send them.

[arugula]

If I'm reading your post right, OP, your question is not about this immediate school year but about whether your kids should go to kindergarten in fall 07.  Is this correct?  If so, I'd vote that you hold off on making the decision.   They'll start preschool now and you can make a decision in Feb. or March.  Unless you're trying to apply to highly competitive kindergartens (admissions season starts the day after Labor Day!) you should be able to wait until at least Feb. to decide.

Another consideration, though: What are your children like physically?  If they're small for their age, I might consider waiting.  I know in some big sports school districts parents hold their boys back to give them a size advantage in high school football--I'm not talking about this, but if they are small or tall for their age, I'd consider that with other factors.

My youngest child has a late birthday and we started her knowing she'd be the youngest in the class.  It's been great.  We made the decision based in large part on our work schedule needs, but we also knew she'd adapt well and enjoy it.  So again, it depends on so many things.