next »

[gollum]

I posted this earlier today on the “Leaving Academe” forum, but Fiona suggested it would be a better fit for this forum.  I agree.  So here goes:

Is there anyone else here who is still in academia (like me) and who is dreading the thought of the academic year starting again (like me)?  For me, the fall semester begins tomorrow, and I have this overwhelming urge to run far, far away.  Just wondering...

(For anyone else feeling the same way I do, check out the post appropriately entitled, "Dread," on rateyourstudents.blogspot.com if you haven't already).

[waxwing]

The fact that you're calling it dread is pretty significant, I think, at least within the context of the way I use the word.

I think that I, and I guess lots of others, await the beginning of classes with greater or lesser anxiety.  We may be in new places, teaching new classes, or in the same place with the same classes, but getting ready to meet new students, form new relationships with them, maybe with new colleagues as well.

But I wouldn't call that dread.  I dread going into a situation in which my behavior or choices will be criticized, and I will have no legitimate counter argument.  So for me it's akin to self-loathing.

So when you say you are dreading the semester, I wonder if you're not plugging into something slightly different about the semester than I am.

What is it specifically that you are dreading?  Is this a career related dread.  I know you posted this originally on Leaving Academia.  Is that relevant?

Good luck to you.

WW

[humanitiesanon]

Gollum,
I dread it, too.  I am constantly subjected to judgment and criticism, and dread having to play the game these last few years before retirement. 

I love my subject, but it is difficult to remember that love when I have to do so much stupid busy work before I can do what I supposedly was hired to do.

We have no photocopying service and must make all of our own photocopies.
We are being coerced into being mentors for all students, keeping far too many office hours, attending extra meetings, doing all of our own computer updates and tech stuff, and paying for our own supplies unless we wish to hassle forever with the supply person.

We also are undergoing two accreditation visits and the fallout from these visits which has resulted in attempts to pry us professors loose from anything old fashioned.  We have to reword our syllabi to keep up with the latest edutainment jargon and redesign our curricula to incorporate the latest fad in higher education.

I dread the physical exhaustion I know I will experience from not getting enough sleep.  It happens to me every semester, even though I really cannot afford to get run down.  I have a serious illness that I have not told my employers about, and I have to watch it in matters like sleep and stress.

Well, enough said.  I dread the new semester.
Hang in there, Gollum.  I will try to hang in there, too.

[venerablefemme]

I dread this semester because I've been teaching for nearly 40 years and I'm just tired of the rituals. I hate being asked, "How was your summer?" (who really cares?) and I hate the cheerful greetings, even though they're sincere and well-meant.

I teach a variety of subjects, so I'm not bored by subject matter, but I'm bored and tired by whiny, lazy students who have the same damn questions over and over, mostly "Will this be on the test?"

I find myself thinking, "Who cares?" more and more.

Actually, I'm still a good lecturer and discussion facilitator, and financially it doesn't make sense to retire. Also, my students do get (in me) a knowledgeable and lively teacher, and if I retired, I'd be replaced by 4 adjuncts and my main subject wouldn't be taught at all.

So I'm just venting. I have tenure, but I'm bored and tired by the same old, same old. So far at least I'm in good health. I'm not asking for solutions (there aren't any), but I do want to express sympathy and empathy for joseftherra.

[gollum]

WW--

To answer your question, it is mostly career-related dread.  For more on that, search my posts on "Leaving Academe" if you are interested.  I dread the repetition and the routine starting all over again.   

I share most of the complaints that Joseftherra listed, especially with regard to physical exhaustion.  It's the first day of the semester and I already have started it off with less sleep than I would like.  Already I have received an email from a student explaining why he will be missing the entire first week of class!!  The usual kind of sob story, of course.  Like Venerablefemme, I don't care.

[waxwing]

But last year I had the feeling that you felt the  same, yet you chose to stay.  That is, went out of your way to stay. 

I don't want to be like reviewers who write about the book they think you ought to have written, but I still think that for you the question of career is not as important as a rigorously-faced inventory of what you desire (and not what it is that you don't like): "What is it that I want?  What do I find rewarding?  What am I willing to sacrifice? (i.e. what is the relative  value of the things you desire).

With apologies for unsolicited advice,

WW

[prof_viola]

Gollum, josefthera, et al.,
    I hear you.  I go through the dread every year when I turn the calendar page to "August," and for all the reasons josefthera outlined--especially the dread of the sheer physical exhaustion, which does seem to get tougher as one gets older.  Outsiders don't grasp that we can't simply recycle old classes. . .
     But what I dread most are the handful of students who don't care, behave rudely, act aggressively, etc. . . . the 5% who devour such a disproportionate amount of our time.  I have worked up policies, caveats, rubrics, etc. to minimize this, yet every year, some new behavior catches me unawares.  Having said this, I ran into about twenty former students over the last week (small college, small community)--and they were wonderful students whom I'd adore having again.  That helped me very much.  We have to remember that we're there for the ones who want to try to learn something, and pitch to them.  Vive la guerre!

[conjugate]

Okay, I'm looking forward to it.  But I have a reason; competitive dread.

No, that's not a Jamaican hairstyling contest, it's a fact of life.  I go to work happily because the trials of work are such a relief and pleasant change from the other trials.  Like my yard.

I have a yard with weeds that are impressive.  I've been working for days, for hours in 100° heat and higher, pulling weeds.  With the rains, the weeds grow so fast you almost can't tell in two days where I pulled.  I have allergies and am becoming resistant to my favorite antihistamine, and can't easily buy enough decongestants (for fear I'll make meth out of them).  So I work until I can't breath and my eyes start to swell shut.  But soon, I will have an excuse!  I will say, "Gosh, I should go and clean out another slab of giant hogweed and siberian thorn-bush, but I have to prepare for Calculus!"  And then will come autumn, and the slow agonizing death of the plants. 

You think I'm joking.  But the secret of a happy life is to be aware of the worse alternatives. 

[threadkiller]

Okay, I'm looking forward to it.  But I have a reason; competitive dread.

No, that's not a Jamaican hairstyling contest, it's a fact of life.  I go to work happily because the trials of work are such a relief and pleasant change from the other trials.  Like my yard.

I have a yard with weeds that are impressive.  I've been working for days, for hours in 100° heat and higher, pulling weeds.  With the rains, the weeds grow so fast you almost can't tell in two days where I pulled.  I have allergies and am becoming resistant to my favorite antihistamine, and can't easily buy enough decongestants (for fear I'll make meth out of them).  So I work until I can't breath and my eyes start to swell shut.  But soon, I will have an excuse!  I will say, "Gosh, I should go and clean out another slab of giant hogweed and siberian thorn-bush, but I have to prepare for Calculus!"  And then will come autumn, and the slow agonizing death of the plants. 

You think I'm joking.  But the secret of a happy life is to be aware of the worse alternatives. 

I have to agree.  mY husband went out of town for the week leaving me alone with a toddler with no daycare until next week.  Toddler and me, 24/7.

I can't wait for classes to start!!!!

[humanitiesanon]

Previous posters, thanks for your empathy/sympathy.  I never realized how hard professors work until I became one.  My profs in school were all calm, knowledgable, cool, kind, etc. etc. They made what they did seem easy.

As one other poster said, the routine pleasantries how was your summer, and so forth seem a bit false.  In my college, we all keep up a modest pretence that we are one big happy family, but I have to fake it almost all the time because of my illness.  I don't dare let on that I have any problems with anything like that and it is a strain to keep this kind of secret. 

I think it will be easier when the first week of classes is over.  That first week is always something of a hurdle. 

I am determined this time around to take better care of myself in the sleep department.  I just finished packing my lunch for tomorrow -- very healthy stuff.

Good luck, everyone with this new beginning.

[henri]

For a myriad of personal and professional reasons, this has been one of the most pleasant, painful, and productive summers ever.  (I'm in year five of a tenure-track position.)  Since May, I've shepherded through a revision of my first book, placed two essays, traveled to France, gotten reacquainted with the gym, and devoured a number of trashy-good novels. 

This is all a long way of saying, "Yes, I'm sort of dreading the first day of classes, too."  Not because I dread teaching, the daily grind of administrative and committee work, or the physical toll of sleep deprivation.  Rather, I've enjoyed having my time to myself and am really loathing the idea of giving that up.

I can empathize, Gollum.

[dr_evil]

I empathize with those dreading the start of the term.  I felt a bit like that before the start of the fall, although I don't believe to the same degree.  I wasn't thinking about finding a new job, but wishing for a longer break.  I was feeling a bit burnt out after dealing with Viola's 5% recently, plus some busy things in my personal life that just happened to come at the same time as the start of term.

Then came the first day of class.  I had a student tell me he had heard good things about my teaching, and a former student stopped by to just catch up.  I figure she wouldn't take the time to see me without wanting anything (such as to complain for a higher grade) if she hated my class.  I feel a little better about the term now.

I hope gollum and the others dreading the term have a similar experience.  A lot of us know that the majority of students are serious and don't hate us, but it is certainly nice to be reminded.  Hang in there.

[keystonegal]

Well... I was in a funk, but reading about other people in a funk has kind of picked me up ... though I don't recall what this phenomenon is called, I know social psychologist should.

So ... to all of you dreading the start of the semester and who have been kind enough to share it ...thank you. I feel better now.

Though I'm still dreading having to deal with my department secretary, sigh.


Good luck to all!

[rattusdomesticus]

Up until this semester, I've always been excited about a new semester. I mean, imagine it... a whole new group of underachievers (and the one or two overachievers) that I've never worked with before. A new textbook, some new handouts.... ah, I love teaching. Of course I'm only in year seven...

This semester I've been in a funk because I took a contract job in an undesirable area and had really hoped to move on at the end of one year. I realize that's pretty unrealistic, though. And I'm preparing for the next job search with the hope that I will score a t/t job for August 2007.

I think area, position, student population and your own personal situation all affect one's enthusiasm. And heck, even teachers who were groaning when I saw them at the all-day meetings yesterday are starting to pep up. Teaching. It's what we do. 

[lucilla]

Rattus Domesticus has it right. Teaching: it's what we do. I remember being happy patching together a kind of living, w/o health insurance, from 5 part-time adjunct piece at 5 different locations and with 5 different backpacks and making about 3,000 per piece. But it was teaching, and as long as you get a chance to engage your passion in the classroom and invite others to engage it, it's really satisfying.

I am feeling a little lost and bereft as I begin my first sabbatical ever because right now it's the first fall in seven years when I haven't been having THAT dread. Now there's so much room for the other ones, like the crabgrass etc. (or, more likely, how much of a job search to do this year, if I will ever transition to a better school/life, will I ever own a house, is my work ever going to make me someone who could get hired elsewhere with tenure, am I a terrible parent, blah blah blah...) I thought I'd be living in continual bliss and it's not bad, but it is a transition from teaching for that long. It's helpful to be reminded of the dread I felt every single one of those seven years at the beginning of every semester.

For those in dread, I recommend pampering. At the least, get new pens and notebooks so you can associate the first day of school with some small pleasure. 

Advice to joseftherrer: Protect your need to get sleep and avoid stress without apology (and without explanation, of course). "I have a meeting off-campus." "I will be on a conference call at home that day." "I will be tied up conducting research with a colleague from another university." My dept. is full of people who protect their time with a smile and smiley-face emoticon, and others who get criticized when they are hardworking but express honest distress. As in medical school, having issues tends to brand you as weak.  Everyone HAS them, but most people try to pass as someone for whom all is fantastic!!!!!!  (note exclamation points, de rigeur in this sort of passing I believe.) The key seems to be not being apologetic. Maybe it's sadism but people tend to dump on those who don't act calmly entitled.  I'm trying to learn that posture myself.