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[econ_anon]

Goodness gracious...

A person's identity should neither be tied up solely with a spouse nor with a career!  Depending on the circumstances, one or the other could become paramount in a location decision.  Academia isn't the end-all and be-all and many careers do last longer than many marriages.  For those reasons one cannot give blanket advice about whether or not it is in a person's best interest to become a trailing spouse or not.  Only the couple in question can make that decision.  Sometimes a short separation means that a long-term solution will be found more easily, sometimes one or the other of the couple is just not as committed to academia or would be willing to make trade-offs in order to live in a better geographic area.  Life is all about compromise.  And whatever anybody chooses, it is not the end of the world.  Highly intelligent, educated people should be able to dig themselves out of a mess with enough motivation to do so... loving relationships are the same way.

Nerdasaurus-- you'll be ok in the end no matter what happens... just keep working hard!

[francie_]

Best wishes, nerdasaurus!  As others have said, life is full of compromises and sacrifices, and only you and your spouse can weigh all the variables.  Given the perpetually bad job market in the humanities and fine arts, it's almost required to have some publications, even a book or two, just to be considered for many TT positions.  If not teaching for a while allows you more time to write, you might be more marketable down the road.  This is my plan for the coming year anyway.

And to the OP, good luck to you too!  It sounds like you've gotten a very raw deal in this whole process.

[northerner]

nerdasaurus do not let posters on this forum make you cry! They have done that to me in the past and they are not worth the tears. I second what others on this forum have said, you need to make the right choice for you and your partner at this time. No one but you can make that choice and no one has the right to judge your choice.

I turned down a post-doc to live in the same city as my partner who got his dream tt job. I was lucky that I had an adjunct position before we moved. When he was offered the job we were told that they would never hire me. We decided to give it a couple of years to see if I could find something permanent and there are a couple of good prospects on the horizon. The uncertainly has been hard, but evaluating how important a tt job is to my sense of self has been good. I do not know why a tt job is the only kind of success that academia trains us to consider.  But I am now open to other possiblities and know that my happiness is not dependent on a tt job. I am perfectly capable of having a great and fulfilling career outside of academia. We have also been told by his institution that now that they know him, they don't want to lose him and are more willing to discuss a long-term part-time position for me. So sometimes you have more leverage once they know you.

[prof_mom]

I am very sorry to hear that you are taking this so hard. Remember that a job is really just  a job. I agree with other posters that you can have a successful professional life outside academics.

I decided to have children while on the tenure clock even though I knew it greatly reduced my chances of getting tenure. Some have asked why I would take such a risk after I worked so hard to get where I am. My answer is that being a Prof is just a job. It is a job that I love (most days), but it is just a job. My life also includes being with my husband, my kids, my family, and friends. I would like to believe that I can have it all and that I will find a way to get tenure even though I had kids. However, I am  willing to walk away from this job if that was what my family needed me to do. I know that my husband would do  the same. That is why we have made it together for this many years.

I understand why you would leave your job. I think the other posters were just trying to get you to protect yourself before you leave this job. As I said before, you have a better ability to negotiate before you leave. If you can't do that, then go and do what you need to do and have faith that you will find a job, friends, and figure out a way to have a life you will love.

You are more than your job, you are more than your marriage, but they are certainly a part of who you are and there is nothing wrong with admitting that. This will be a  hard year for you, but things will get  easier.

Good luck to you!