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[shkodana]

My husband got a tt AP position at the university in a mid-size rural town. Initially, he was told that it would be no problem for us to find a part-time teaching position for me which then could lead to a full-time teaching position. I had an adjunct position and a good number of private students in the place where we lived before. I left everything and moved to this new town only to discover that I will be spending all my days alone at home. After I moved (not before), I was told that there should be some sort of "need" on the department so they can hire me. So far there is no need, and I'm simply an unemployed recent Ph. D. (most of the teachers on my department in this university have master's only).

Anyway, I would like to hear some personal stories from professionally-oriented couples, where one person got a great position and a spouse had to move to a new place unemployed.
Were you able to get a job for the second person within a year-two?
Was it a part-time job?
If it was a part-time job, did it lead to a full-time job in the future?
Did a second person apply elsewhere and eventually have to move to another location, where a good job was offred?

I'm pretty sure my situation is not "one of a kind," but I would like to hear your stories and suggestions. I'm applying nationwide and will go on the market this fall (I just got my Ph. D. this May). But, ideally, we would like to live and work in the same place with my husband...

[winnie]

See Nadya Aisenberg and Mona Harrington's Women of Academe: Outsiders in the Sacred Grove. The book's at least 15 years old, but it describes your situation perfectly: a woman who is "deflected" (often permanently) from her own career by following hubby and believing vague promises that she'll get a t-t job, too.

Your professors should've told you. Read Emily Toth's Ms. Mentor's Impeccable Advice for Women in Academia and Constance Coiner and Diana Hume George's The Family Track.

[onwego]

We are a dual career couple.  Part of that is accepting risk when you move to a place that something will work out, that you can make something work out.  It takes time, of course.

...but reading your post - I think you got screwed.  If I were you, I'd go back on the market immediately - both of you.  My husband turned down one TT job because the prospects for me were uncertain (and we were getting a bad 'vibe')  I turned down my TT job because it was a small, sympathetic school who was up front that they could offer nothing firm, possible a few courses here or there and an office.  (which is more than you have).  We accepted an offer for a TT position for my husband.  The department has transitional funding with me and we are working out a long term solution.  We have faith that we can work it out in this department because the department head has been honest and supportive.  So we are willing to give them time to get their ducks in a row.  Now, we have also made it clear that we are on the market UNTIL we both have jobs we are happy with.  And that means that when my husband accepted his offer, he said, I'm really happy to be coming to XX university but if something doesn't workout for my wife, we are gone (well, he phrased it better!)  But the point was that they KNEW that I had TT offers, I could keep getting them, and we will leave. 

My suggestion would be three part
1. Get an affiliation somewhere (either with this university or with another one where you have colleages) so that you can stay active in your field
2. You and your husband need to prepare to return to the job market.  Get letters ready, start job hunting.
3. Your husband needs to make it clear that if you get a job somewhere else, he will leave.  People don't believe this to be the case, because it often doesn't happen.  But this is the promise that I have from my husband.  And they can smell blood in the water.

Unfortunately, I know too many couples who have literally had their house boxed, ready to move before the university took the partner seriously.

Regarding your upcoming search, there are multiple ways to solve the two body problem.  It really depends on the field.  I would suggest that in preparation for your job search you find a series of mentors/role models, who can offer advice about your specific field. 

[busyslinky]

It does seem that in most of the cases I hear about, and it is only anecdotal, the women are getting the short end of the stick.  Is it always because the men have the better offers and positions, better contacts, better disciplines, more likely to pout and whine? 

In terms of your situation.  Get on the market immediately and find a better position than your spouse's and have him be the lagging spouse.  I agree the the previous poster.  The only way you can make them change or react is to show them that you are willing to leave.

[winnie]

The wife also has to publish, publish, publish. That's the only way you establish your market value.

[zharkov]

My husband got a tt AP position at the university in a mid-size rural town. Initially, he was told that it would be no problem for us to find a part-time teaching position for me which then could lead to a full-time teaching position.

snip

It sounds like the two of your were misled. I think step one is for him to go back to whoever told him you'd get a job and tell them to ante up.  You get a part time job now and you get a plan for going full time in a year or two, say. Don't be shy about going to the dean or the president. Since you both need to move if your job doesn't come thru, just to be realistic, you can take a bit more of a risk here.

[econ_anon]

I second the suggestion to go on the market again, both of you.  And definitely keep/start publishing!   My husband and I had the plan that since I got a job offer and he didn't, we would stay for max two years and then move.  However, near the end of my post-doc (which I took so we could stay together while he finished his PhD), the department he was most interested in created a t-t position for him at the last minute so it looks like we may be staying for the duration.  I think they liked the fact that he definitely had ties to the area and would be likely to stay.  His salary is pretty low for his field and his teaching load is pretty high, but I think everyone in the transaction got a pretty good deal, especially since people in his field do not usually get t-t jobs straight out of graduate school.

So basically do what you can and have a back-up plan for if it doesn't work out.

[spork]

I second everything that has been said:  You should publish, publish, publish; your husband needs to inform his superiors that he will be on the market because you're unemployed.

Spousal unhappiness is a major reason why professionals change jobs.  It happens very often in medicine, law, and even academia.

[shkodana]

Thank you all for your suggestions.
Yes, both of us are on the market since this spring. I had a few on-campus interviews, but, in one case, I wasn't offered a tt job; in another one- I didn't take it because it wasn't even a permanent faculty position, and nobody could clearly explain to me my responsibilities. My husband didn't have a single interview during this few months, and his current job is GREAT: salary, start-up package with summer money, very low teaching load, plus, he just won an eternal grant. Anyway, he will continue applying, just as I will.

I got a small part-time job at the university located 60 miles away from the place where we live. The pay is miserable ($ 1,200/semester for 60 group lessons), and the level of expectations is very low, but I took the job because there was nothing else available in the area after one-year search.

We were not shy, and my husband went to the department chair, and the department chair went to the Dean. My husband's Dean talked to the Dean from my department, and this is where the term "need" suddenly appeared. So they want to wait for the departmental need, which can help me to get a job. This "process of talking" took about 4 months; actually it's still going because there is no final answer given to me yet.

I am a musician, so for me publishing equals performing. And I do perform, but I found it very difficult in given circumstances to create music when you are so depressed and neglected. I'm also releasing my debut CD this summer-this is something that is very rare for the music faculty at this university. 3 out of 4 current professors on my department here don't have any solo CD's.

I came to this town with a number of guest artist recitals at the universities in the area and was received with standing ovations and lot's of compliments from both the faculty and director of the school. We met with the faculty and the director a few times before I moved here, and were told that "there will be a half-time position open at the school in fall 06 and it would be better for the school to hire someone whom the school already knows. For instance, if I were here by that time and the faculty would know me well, I'd had very good chances of getting this position." I moved here based on THIS perspective, and worked for the school as a contractor (basically for thank-you) in order to "become known" to the faculty. But no position opened.

The other important part in my profession is private teaching, and I had many students in the place we moved from. Again, I emailed and met with music teachers in this town and was told that they will help with getting new students and that there are MANY-MANY students who want to play in this town. Guess what? I got 1 student in 6 months and only after repeatedly contacting all these teachers again, who now were saying that it's actually not so simple to get new students in this town and that I have to be patient with this. It's very ironic that I'm still getting emails from people in the city I moved from, and these people are wondering if I'm currently accepting new students...

Still, I am glad to hear that we both are going different parts of what you all suggested: getting on a market, getting some affiliation for me, talking to the people and trying to continue being professionally productive. Thank you.

[nerdasaurus]

I am so glad to read this thread. My husband is taking a tenure track job at a major university and I am leaving my current assistant prof job, not one that is well-paid or prestigious but that I love, and we're going to a new part of the country where I don't have anything solid lined up. I am terrified but hopeful...there are more colleges, 4-year and 2-year, in that area than there are where we currently live, and I think I have enough skills that I can find something. But I am afraid nonetheless. This dual career stuff is impossible. So hard for both parties--the feelings of guilt, responsibility, happiness with new job, anxiety....I look forward to more postings from folks who have done this before. Shkodana, good luck, and I empathize very much.

[winnie]

Nerdausurus, you are making a HUGE mistake. Please run, don't walk, to your local bookstore or get on amazon.com and buy Linda Hirshman's new book GET TO WORK.

You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of frustration and anger. Seriously.

Why on earth are you giving up a career you've worked for all your life in order to be with hubby? Why are you making such an enormous sacrifice and planning to "find something"?

You are committing career suicide and obliterating your own identity. Your posting makes me angry and sad.

[shkodana]

It's so interesting that I asked for suggestions and now I am in position of giving a suggestion to someone else. Dear Nerdasaurus, think trice (because twice is not enough) before you leave your current tt job and move with your husband to a new place, hoping "to find something." I didn't want to complain too much in my initial posting, but I HAD terrible 6 months. I like people very much and, before I moved, I always had between 40-50 students every semester to teach, plus their parents to talk to, plus my friends at the university where I stayed for 6.5 years doing both master's and doctorate, plus professors, plus performing gigs. All this disappeared in one day, and I didn't know how to handle it. My husband is busy, so will be yours. You'll see him only at night. What are you going to do during the day every day for maybe many months before you'll be able to find any job in the area? There are 5 institutions within possible driving distance in the place where I am now, and there was NOTHING available for me during a one-year time frame in any of these places. Maybe music teaching is just really bad and you'll be luckier, but who knows? But I moved having only an adjunct position, and you got a tt!..

I really think you should let your husband go to the new place and you should continue working where you are and looking for the possibilities for you in the new area. Move there only after you GOT the job. I'm sure your husband will understand. Plus, your relationships will be much better even if you have to fly to see each other, but each of you does what you like then if you will sit at home, get frustrated and complain every day. No man can handle regular complains even if they are true.

[prof_mom]

I do not believe that making compromises and sacrafices  for your family/spouse is obliterating your identity.

I agree that you should try to solidify the position before you leave. Once you are there, and your husband is there, you have  no leverage. If possible, get at least a 1 year contract before you arrive. If not, you have to do what is right for you and your family.

I mentioned in another post that my husband and I did long distance for 4 years and that it made us stronger. However, now that I have  kids,  I would walk away from my job before I would do that again and I believe he would too. In our case, that wouldn't make sense because he makes so much more than I do. My only point is that some of you are being hard on these women who are trying to be supportive wives. I do not mean we are supportive in the same way wives were in the 50's, but to be a life partner requires compromise and sacrifice sometimes. You should protect yourself and try to negotiate, but the bottom line is that if you are committed to the marriage and the  person, you should do what is in the best interest of your relationship. Life  should not come down to deciding between your job and your family, but in our society it does. I admit that I would choose my family in a second, but I also know that my husband would never let  me do that unless he had no other choice so I guess it makes it easier.

I wish you all the best.

[trentsands]

On the other hand, I followed my wife while she pursued an MA in Communication Studies and an M.Div.  We moved the first time, and immediately afterward, I landed a full-time contract position (which was easily renewable) teaching English Composition.  We moved the second time, and shortly thereafter, I landed an academic advising position.  Both positions I have enjoyed immmensely.  Right now, we are coordinating so I can pursue a Ph.D. while she works in her chosen profession.  In any case, have hope, because it can be done.  We have found, though, that it takes coordinating together on these plans.  We both have limited our choices somewhat to improve opportunities for the other, but have been rewarded in that we can both pursue our broad goals.

[nerdasaurus]

Oh. God. This whole thread is now making me cry.
A little more info...I am not on the tenure track at my current job; there is no tenure system, I don't get paid what I think I am worth, all employees are at-will, and for a number of reasons it's not such a bad time to be leaving...it's more the colleagues I will miss.
We have talked about him going down earlier and me finishing out the year where I am, but I feel like if I have to make the transition, better now than later, so I can begin meeting more people (and I mean just in the community, not only academic people) and networking. I have already begun making a lot of calls and have some tentative offers of tutoring and classes, and I'm also working on a low residency fine arts degree, so working part time would actually be desirable.  I'm working with someone at the new university who helps dual career couples and she has been very helpful. My aspirations are as ambitious as my husband's, but different--for me, finishing and publishing my book, volunteering abroad, and continuing to become a better writer are the things that matter most to me. I really don't care about ending up on the tenure track.

I do think that in marriages, it's hard to find a time when both partners are giving the same amount. Thank you, trentsands, for the optimism...and to winnie and shkdona for the advice. I don't want the  transition we are facing to end up as a black and white, my life or his conflict, because I don't think it has to be that way. Obviously it is a risk as both a couple and as professionals, but I can't predict what will happen.