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[archive_rat]

Archival Blues, n. -- pervasive feelings of apathy and sadness brought on by extended periods away from home, living in cramped quarters overseas, and spending every waking minute buried under stacks of dusty documents written by people who died over 200 years ago; no direct relationship to archive lung.

I am at the tail end of a very long and involved research trip, and the intellectual and physical fatigue has really started to get to me. I passed "weary" and "burnt out" about 450 miles ago and I can now see "serious existential crisis" not too far off in the distance. Am I the only one who forgot to read the fine print on my graduate school application? Are there others out there who suffer from the archival blues? The itinerant lifestyle of the academic is one of the things that first attracted me to graduate school. But these prolonged forays into remote corners of the Republic of Letters have forced me to rethink my dedication to the field. The initial excitement inevitably morphs into a deadly cocktail of intellectual exhaustion and existential self-doubt. Have any of you ever stopped to think about just how silly it is to be a researching academic? We spend years of our lives in dungeon-esque libraries, reading obscure texts, surrounded by socially awkward (yet monsterously egotistical) library rats, with the ultimate intention of producing an article or book that will be read by--at best--8 or 9 people (including your parents, who will probably skim it)? Do universities and granting institutions realize how much money they waste on us? I'm sure our collective salaries could go a long way to providing Americans with a universal healthcare system. Does academia really need this many researching drones? 9 out of 10 of us are intellectual bloodsuckers and Grub Street Hacks. We are parasites--even worse, we are black holes. We take and take and take, and what do we give in return? After the research trip ends, we return back to our worthless provincial lives, dodging office politics, and teaching apathetic undergraduates about the obscurities of the past?

Sometimes I think I'd rather give it all up and take a job as a librarian--or better yet, an arcade attendant.

[larryc]

Do universities and granting institutions realize how much money they waste on us? I'm sure our collective salaries could go a long way to providing Americans with a universal healthcare system.

Moderator, quick, delete this post before my congressman sees it!

[grad_geek]

One of the first warm sunny days of the year I spent most of the afternoon in the "foundation" level of the campus library.  When it was time to leave for the day  I went to the stairs and noticed a helpful sign: Stairway Up to the Sub-Basement.

In case you didn't catch that the first time, that was up to the sub-basement.

Yep, existential crisis.  And I'm not even traveling.

[iomhaigh]

Hmm... my realization that some academic writing can be characterized as intellectual self-pleasurement which is then foisted upon the uncaring world led directly to my decision to go into the arts. 

Now, I get to collaborate with others while we create self-pleasuring "art" which is then foisted upon a paying audience whose annual subscription we'd like to retain.  When we produce meaningless garbage, we can blame each other for it!  Still, even that meaningless garbage produces a reaction in the audience, and if that reaction is "Wow.  This theatre is awful.  We need to find better art," then we have at least effectively removed one more badly collaborating group of self-aggrandizing buffoons from the world.  Nothing happens in a vacuum.   

I'm only half-joking.   

In all seriousness, I was able to move past what you are feeling by choosing to live for the process of research, and not so much for the end result.  I know that much of my work will be insiginicant in the grand scheme of life and the cosmos, but it makes me happy because I am constantly inquiring and exploring those archives and that makes me a better teacher.  I know that my conference papers will be long forgotten by most, as will my lectures, but that the process of interacting with people at those conferences and in the classroom is what will really change the world someday.  This is also why I applied to teaching-oriented schools -- the focus at such places is on teaching and keeping active, not on producing a quota of articles/books every year/decade.     

But, I'm an utterly naive optimist trapped in a cynic's mind.

[archive_rat]

The idea of being a process-oriented researcher is a noble dream, and I have dabbled in this philosophy. The problem is that most of us (save upper-level faculty) live with the exigencies of publishing deadlines. The end product is constantly staring me in the face.

[zenprof]

Hello, archive-rat,
I'm an archival researcher/writer too, and I agree with every single point of yours and have also dwelt in existential depths over all this.  But I'm with iomhaigh, and even go ya one better. You may not find this convincing, but here's how it works for me.

Yes, the process---the actual here-and-now of this kind of inquiry---is very satisfying.  Onanistic, you say? yes, maybe, but it also keepsalive and active in the world (especially if you have grad students) a kind of epistemology and a kind fo inquiry thatI think ought not be lost.  It's not that any one ofmy articles or books wil make some huge difference, but rather that over time, the actions of archival inquiry allow a certain kind of historical thinking to be heard and to retain vitality and to be practiced in the world.  (I'm in literature, so for me it also involves particular kinds of literary thinking).  Not that the world has to adoptmy methods or even notice what I'm doing at all, but it's important to do it, to do it really well, to be open and flexible to other ways of doing, to do lots of it, to researchresearchresearch in as creative and sparkly and thoughtful ways as I possibly can.  That's why, for me, the drier, themoreobscure, the more arcane the material I'm working on, the harder I want to work to articulate in the published results WHY it matters and WHY it's cool or interesting or curious.  Content is not the only value here.  Far from it. (Though I am usually pretty enamored of my content----it requires huge imaginative sympathy to read this stuff and enjoy it---and he, there's another value--this kind of work cultivates the hisotrical imagination, cultivates imaginative sympathy for alien worlds.  If we can imaginatively enter such distant worlds, we have a better shot at imaginatively understanding other cultures, too!)  (I work in the 15th and 16th centuries, mostly, so it's reallllly alien stuff.)

Hmm, what else.  Look, I think of myself as a laborer, a floor sweeper or a dish washer.  No, no one notices or cares what I do, but in the real larger sense, no one's work matters (except to ego), and at the same time, it ALL matters, profoundly, in the doing.  I choose to think that the sweeping of these archival floors, the washing of these documentary dishes---well, it's my chosen work, humble though it be, and vanished though it will surely be in the long term---but it is my work, and I want to do it very very well, enter into it fully, know it, learn from it, be it, do it.  Right now, it keeps a certain intellectual practice alive and humming, alive, humming, and evolving--that is key---so good. In that it matters.

I would add a piece of advice.  Treat the workman well.  Make sure that you have good lighting, good glasses, good tools.  Make sure that you care for the body---spend the extra money to stay in a decent lodging, and take it off your taxes.  Eat well at least every few days while taveling.  Commit to learning something about the place outside the archive--you'd be amazed how that can actually nurture the work, even when it seems unlikely.  I always build extra timeinto research trips, not only for the jet lag recovery (being kind to the workman), but also to see a museum, some theatre, take a d drive in the countryside outside where I'm going, take a train to a nearby town. 

I know that my purpose in this life is to connect the past with the future. That's why I'm good at this and why I do it so naturally and happily.  I find meaning and value in it for its own sake, whether anyone notices or approves or not.  But that's just me--your meaning may vary! (You could inquire about why you came to have the skillset that lets you be good at this; what led you to do this; what it means in your larger life pattern...)

What else.  A lot more is here from my decades in the archives, but that's all for now.  Mainly, your feelings are natural and right, but be of good cheer, hang in there, and ENJOY this privilege you get of time travel, of imaginative sympathy and of getting to explain one kind of world to another kind of world.
Let us know how it goes--
z

[velvetelvis]

I totally should have been an ethnographer.  Go places, meet people and talk with them.

But instead I dig through dusty books and papers like the rest of you on this thread.  Although the materials I look at are esoteric, the results need not be.  In fact, I consider my specialty to be finding the fascinating nugget in the sea of boring material.  As a result, my books have way more than 8-9 readers.  My articles, well, a few more, but I'm planning to publish more in open access journals.

Seriously, I can't count the number of literary critics I know who dream of crossover success but never find it (with the exception of people who were journalists before they were professors).  But I know plenty of historians who publish mass market books and go on TV.  The field is relatively jargon-free and some dimensions of its have broad interest.  That level of readership is not for me, but if you crave an audience, you can find one.

VE.

[lucilla]

While I still struggle with finding funds, I make sure that when I do have funds to travel to archives I make it a wonderful mix of hard work and self-indulgence. My favorite such achievement was a visit for 4 days to the Harry Ransom Humanities Research Center in Austin. I found a boutique bed and breakfast within walking distance (1 mile, I think) of the archive that was really, really swank, and booked their tiniest and cheapest little room (being a small prof., this was an option). It was supposed to be REALLY small but I never saw it. For once, I actually had the guts to ask if a free upgrade was possible and ended up in a nice big room with private bath. They had L'Occitane bath stuff in the bathrooms and a 4-star restaurant downstairs.

After the in-house breakfast and a morning of transcriptions, I had a quick and cheap lunch at Cafe Matisse (across from the Ransom, and I think I had a decent homemade soup and bread for 4 bucks, followed by a shortbread cookie and square of 85% dark chocolate I'd brought with me--my staples as they are high-fat, high-pampering foods that tide you over when it's hours to a meal), then when they kicked us out at 5-ish I checked my email in the library,  walked to a used bookstore and found some fun little buys that I could legitimately include in my expenses for the trip (and saw a Ransom special collections staffer there! that was funny) then went home for a bath, nap, and AMAZING meal at 9 pm. One glass of wine and I was ready to collapse until the next day.  I stayed midweek right after graduation and it was really, really peaceful. The walk to the university was safe and surprisingly not unpleasantly hot and humid despite it being June.

After this trip my goal is to coordinate research with friends and visit archives in great places where we can stay in fun lodgings and eat great meals together after work. This was such an amazing trip--the only thing it lacked was companionship. Nothing against those nice special collections folks but it got lonely.

[skirt]

Having done both archival research and ethnographic research, I can say that I much prefer the latter. But had I never done archival work, there are so many wonderful people I never would have met and who would never have influenced me in such a profound way.

The best practical advice I can give is to limit your time at the archives daily. Figure out your most productive, focused time of day and also how long you can hold that kind of focus. I found that I was good in 2-3 hour stretches, so I would time my breaks accordingly. I stopped trying to get there first thing in the morning, took my time, checked in at 9-ish and ordered my documents, then had a coffee around the corner for 45 minutes and read the paper, then worked from 10-1, then took a long lunch break, returning at 2 or 2:30 until they closed.

Comparing my productivity then to the times in another archive where I worked 6 days a week from 9 am-1pm and then returned from 3:30pm-8pm, I can say without hesitation that I was more productive per hour with the short-stretches strategy. I was burnt out by the long grind and spent most of my time goofing around on my computer.

I second the stuff previously mentioned about exploring the town or city where your archive is, and enriching your experience that way. I've worked for extended periods (more than 2 weeks) in public archives that were in huge metropolitan centers where I could be as anonymous as I wanted, as well in private archives that were in tiny podunk conservative cousin-marrying towns with no hotels or inns or anything and everyone knew everyone's business. Both extremes have their pros and cons and there are people I miss in every place I've worked.

The loneliness is quite profound, and remains so no matter how many friends you make on the outside. In one town I had drinking buddies and we would just hang out at the end of the day and smoke and drink and watch the footie. In another I was befriended by an old widow who was always a kick in the pants, so I spent a lot of time with her when I was out of the archive. In another I was in a grandly historic town so I spent my free time wandering around on foot, hitting all the sites, taking artsy pictures. Lots of times I would walk into stores and ask inane questions about the products just to practice my verbal skills, resisting the urge to take ethnographic notes. When I could I would eat at a different place each time I ate out and tried the weirdest stuff on the menu.

If you are "available" then you might want to try hooking up with a local on a short-term basis. I've heard of people doing that internationally, with the excuse of improving their skills in the particular foreign language they work in. There are some horror stories related to that tactic, but for the most part I've heard good things come out of such relationships, including lasting friendships, even good marriages.

Still, if you're doing archival research for a year straight like I did, then I advise planning for a vacation away from the texts for a month or so afterwards. I had a hard time reviewing my notes and copies when I got back. So I kind of left them for a while then returned, and got my analyses done bursts of intense, focused energy.

[starfleet_grad]

You know, my experience is just the opposite. What I would give for the opportunity to do some research in archives! Yes, it can be solitary, repetitive, boring, and isolating, but somehow that very feel of archives is part of the scholarly experience. When I was in high school, I dreamed of having the opportunity.

Now electronic media have wiped it all out. I can do almost all my research from my computer (I am in the social sciences). All major journals and then some are available online in full text. All relevant professional institutions and government agencies have all their documents online. Mine is a small field, so by now, I have most of the canonical works in my bookcase. While taking my Ph.D. courses, I believe I set foot in the library maybe half a dozen times. Everything I needed, as I said, I could download or procure through interlibrary loan. I somehow feel like a fraud, someone who has not earned his academic spurs.

The result is that I am looking for a good historical research project that will allow me to do some of the grunt work. Then when I came up with my first idea (which I am pursuing) and started some reading, I once again realized that most of the work could be completed almost entirely online from my office. So my advice is not to be too hard on the archival work. You may be a bit burnt out, but some of us are drooling over the prospect of finally getting out of the office and off the Internet. Count your blessings.

[bibliothecula]

The best part about archval research for me is the thrill of the find--that one amazing unknown document or bit of dirt that makes the interesting turn into the fascinating.

The worst part is the dust. I once worked on documents that had been damaned when a sewer line had flooded a basement....they were stained, brittle, and covered in dried god-knows-what.

[archive_rat]

I'd like to thank all of you who have replied to my original post. I've found your words sobering and inspirational. The message from starfleet_grad helped remind me just how lucky I am to have the opportunity to travel overseas and spend my days in comfortable and well-stocked libraries. The proliferation of on-line texts has rendered archives obsolete for many researching academics. In my case, it's the exact opposite. The country I study--which starts with the letter "F" and rhymes with pants--is notorious for Luddite technophobia. I have met several archivists who have personally prevented "their" documents from being microfilmed or digitized out of fear that "people would stop visiting my archive." This sort of stubborness--and documentational possessiveness--has its drawbacks and advantages. The advantage is that people like me--the archive rats--get to travel to exotic locations and wade through stacks of dusty primary documents. The disadvantage is that we have to spend long stretches of time on the road and away from the family.

I have, on many occasions, patronized local museums and cultural sites while tramping out on the road. But there are only so many 13th century churches that I can tour. After a while, I just want to vegetate in the local internet cafe. Studying history 10 hours a day leaves me with little intellectual energy for extensive cultural tourism. I should note that the post offered by skirt is particularly useful, in this regard. I agree that researchers can maximize efficiency by decreasing the number of hours spent on the job. It's paradoxical, but true. I also like the suggestion offered by zenprof--namely, to focus on the process of research rather than the end product.

As far as dating goes, I have no idea. I'm off the market.

In any case, your inspirational words have helped me bounce out my funk. I think that a certain amount of fatigue is normal after this much time on the road. It is really hard to maintain the initial excitement that a researcher feels at the beginning of a trip. The key, I suppose, is to pace yourself and make sure you have enough force to make it back home. Then the cycle begins again: sleeping undergraduates, office politics, cabin fever. Soon enough, no doubt, I'll be coutning my days until the next research trip.

[lemonbar]

What a cool thread! I, too, have spent my career in archives. My archives are located in a nice spot, so I never feel bummed about visiting them. My main archive is not lonely: everybody works in a main reading room, so no one is holed up in some sub-, sub-, sub-basement (cold, dank, and so quiet you might hear a pin drop -- reminds me of my grad school library!). In fact, I spent so much time in the reading room one academic year, that the librarians (jokingly) named my chair and desk after me.

Frankly, what I find daunting is not the research, but what comes afterwards. As I try to publish from the materials I collected and eventually transcribed, I have realized that I was not careful enough about keeping track of all the information I dug up. It has been something of a nightmare to try and untangle everything. I wish someone had sat me down before I started my research and stressed to me how important it is to have a system for tracking information in place (and organizing documents and transcriptions). And, how about transporting your life's work...? I did it in suitcases (god help me)!

Well, back to work. I have learned from my mistakes. I will be much more careful from now on (a new project is just on the horizon, I just need to finish the one I am currently working on).   

[archive_rat]

Dear Lemonbar,

I highly recommend the program Endnote for all your researching needs.

[schoolmarm]

I am also weary...one month away from home and my swimming pool while it is sweltering here in Germany.  Three more weeks or so to go.

I am lucky that my archive has windows and a rose garden right outside.  That won't help next week when I am spending the whole week reading "xray" microfilm in German in a dark little room.  This might be better than what I've been doing...trying to read BAD handwriting AND translate it.  SIGH. 

I took a Russian teacher for dinner at a beer garden and a tour of the town.  I forgot how awesome this place is for tourists and first time visitors.  It's not that exciting shopping at Aldi's and taking a 45 minute U'bahn and bus ride home to my 4th floor walk up (no airconditioning of course!). 

Why do my colleagues think that European archival work is "fun and games"?

I'm going to the theater tonight.  My eyes hurt!