miss_lemon
New member
Posts: 6
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« on: June 16, 2006, 06:46:23 AM » |
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I'm taking newbies suggestion and starting this thread because I'm not taking any classes this semester (I am full-time admin and part-time law student), so I have more free time, but am finding I have to work hard to find people to share it with me. My institution is large (and thus, the largest area employer), but my community is small. It is geared to couples and young families, so being single makes it harder to make and keep friends (hence my assertive behavior when I meet cool, intelligent, interesting female colleagues). I shy away from making friends with male colleagues - there is that awkwardness about ulterior motives, but I really miss having male friends like I did in grad school. Actually, I'm also interesting in dating, in general, but have boundaries issues about colleagues given my job is "high-ranking" and requires me to work with a variety of faculty. My professional reputation is extremely important to me. Am I being overly caution? I haven't met a similarly situated non-colleague bachelor my age (40) in over a year and making single female friends my age is increasingly difficult. While I love my job, I am even thinking about moving to a larger city to find more happy single people my age to hang out with.
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« Last Edit: June 16, 2006, 06:48:32 AM by moderator »
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expatinuk
Has spent over 1000 pounds but now holds a Brit passport!
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 6,653
From SC living in UK
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« Reply #1 on: June 16, 2006, 07:37:09 AM » |
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I've met a lot of friends online... not just 'dating' potential... but friends.
and I don't understand your poll
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Expatinuk seems to be a Soviet Satellite in stationary orbit over the UK
It is what it is.
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anthroid
Annoying bad luck snails
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 16,002
No happy socks because nobody gets Manitoba.
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« Reply #2 on: June 16, 2006, 08:16:57 AM » |
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Yahoo.com has worked very, very well for me. In the past year I've probably had more dates than I have in the last year and now have a solid relationship with a wonderful guy (non-academic) that's 7 months and counting (and for those who remember from the other 'in-love' discussion, we've had a talk and he's changed his mind about marriage to me. ..).
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Do you hail from Planet Hello Kitty? It's like an action movie, but boring.
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francie_
The Really Cheerful
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 3,815
The Voice of Reason
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« Reply #3 on: June 16, 2006, 08:50:41 AM » |
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Yahoo.com has worked very, very well for me. In the past year I've probably had more dates than I have in the last year and now have a solid relationship with a wonderful guy (non-academic) that's 7 months and counting (and for those who remember from the other 'in-love' discussion, we've had a talk and he's changed his mind about marriage to me. ..).
Anthroid, that's sounds like good news! Do tell! |
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Oh realfrancie, so clever!
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anthroid
Annoying bad luck snails
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 16,002
No happy socks because nobody gets Manitoba.
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« Reply #4 on: June 16, 2006, 09:25:09 AM » |
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Uummm....well...thanks, Francie...over the weekend I was with him and his kids and, while we were having a nice time, essentially I didn't seem to exist to him. So I took a break and went back to my motel (no room at his house) and he got concerned and called and we had a long, long talk about, among other things, the advice the forum gave me ("dump him"). He said he didn't mean to give me the impression that he never wanted to get married again, or that he didn't want to maybe marry me someday, and that we should talk about it in six months or so since we're doing very, very well together (which we are). The thought of being married to me, he said, is getting more and more intriguing. And he's coming with me next weekend to meet my family (who live 6 hours away). So I don't know about "in love" but something pretty significant is going on. (He also said I was the sanest and most emotionally grounded person he had ever met. Darn tootin' I am!)
And with regard to making friends in general, I've found the Unitarian church is a good option....you don't actually have to believe in anything to join and some good folks are part of the community. Just had dinner last night with a woman friend I met at the UU.
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Do you hail from Planet Hello Kitty? It's like an action movie, but boring.
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miss_lemon
New member
Posts: 6
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« Reply #5 on: June 16, 2006, 09:40:36 AM » |
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Sorry, all, the poll was unintentional...Thought I was posing questions for consideration in my text.
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expatinuk
Has spent over 1000 pounds but now holds a Brit passport!
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 6,653
From SC living in UK
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« Reply #6 on: June 16, 2006, 09:55:18 AM » |
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Good luck! I know that when I met my now husband he said that he didn't want to ever get married again. He changed his mind after dating me for 6 months! He said it was my insistence on having separate bank accounts if we did get married that really made him change his mind! *laugh*
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Expatinuk seems to be a Soviet Satellite in stationary orbit over the UK
It is what it is.
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francie_
The Really Cheerful
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 3,815
The Voice of Reason
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« Reply #7 on: June 16, 2006, 10:43:08 AM » |
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To Anthroid, it sounds like things are more positive now than what they seemed in your previous thread. Maybe he's just got a case of "once bitten, twice shy."
And good for you that you are making friends though a church! In college towns one finds a mix of academics and non-academics in the various congregations, which is nice because it provides connections to the wider community.
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Oh realfrancie, so clever!
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tamiam
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« Reply #8 on: June 16, 2006, 04:50:15 PM » |
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To the OP -
Plus, you certainly don't want to date anyone from your law school classes! (That was an academic attempt at a lawyer joke.)
Actually, and seriously, I do have a theory about law school. I went to business school at a University exactly like the one you describe. High above Cayuga's waters. I knew a number of law students, and I noticed an amazing transformation in their personalities during the time they were in school. A lawyer is being trained to argue for a living, right? So while they're in school, surrounded by people who are all undergoing the same training, they become these impossible human beings. Argumentative, agressive, and really difficult to be around. I don't mean to imply that this is happening to your personality, but I suppose if you're finding it hard to make friends you might want to guard against that.
The standard advice on making friends is to get out and participate in activities that interest you. The problem with that, of course, is that you don't have much time during the school year. Perhaps it is important enough for you to "make the time". (I have to put that in quotes, because the phrase sets my teeth on edge.) Even if you don't meet any fun people, you'll at least get to participate in a life-enriching activity.
Good luck! (I'd be very interested to know what you think of my obnoxious law student theory.)
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Hey look! I have a tag line too!
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francie_
The Really Cheerful
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 3,815
The Voice of Reason
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« Reply #9 on: June 16, 2006, 07:23:30 PM » |
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I knew a number of law students, and I noticed an amazing transformation in their personalities during the time they were in school. A lawyer is being trained to argue for a living, right? So while they're in school, surrounded by people who are all undergoing the same training, they become these impossible human beings. Argumentative, agressive, and really difficult to be around.
As I remember, the law students usually came in like that. It was a blessing that they kept to themselves. B-school students threw the best parties. :o)) |
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Oh realfrancie, so clever!
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busyslinky
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« Reply #10 on: June 16, 2006, 09:46:16 PM » |
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Hi Miss Lemon,
I'll be your friend.
....Oh darn..there I go again another accidental best friend... when will I learn!
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Such a wonderful toy!
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expatinuk
Has spent over 1000 pounds but now holds a Brit passport!
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 6,653
From SC living in UK
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« Reply #11 on: June 16, 2006, 10:12:08 PM » |
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B-school students threw the best parties.
:o))
You never attended a media school party then! At my school we had the Barbarian Horde feast every spring. You had to come dressed in pre 15th century costume. |
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Expatinuk seems to be a Soviet Satellite in stationary orbit over the UK
It is what it is.
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tamiam
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« Reply #12 on: June 16, 2006, 10:17:57 PM » |
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Yeah, Miss Lemon. That's how you make friends. Go to B-school. Less argumentative, more beer.
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Hey look! I have a tag line too!
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john_proctor
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« Reply #13 on: June 16, 2006, 10:18:31 PM » |
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B-school students threw the best parties.
:o))
You never attended a media school party then! At my school we had the Barbarian Horde feast every spring. You had to come dressed in pre 15th century costume. Halloween parties at my Seminary were quite legendary. |
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"Look upon me! I'll show you the 'life of the mind.'"
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francie_
The Really Cheerful
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 3,815
The Voice of Reason
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« Reply #14 on: June 16, 2006, 10:23:48 PM » |
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JP, did you all dress up as Satan? I guess I've never imagined seminary students acting like, well, students.
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Oh realfrancie, so clever!
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