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[.5]

TJ Boxem's article today about his dual search with his wife really hit home for me. The balancing act about careers, dreams, aspirations, sacrifices, where to live, and so forth--as well as watching my partner apply and apply and apply for TT jobs and get interview after interview but no offers, while I am fairly happily ensconced in an academic job as well--is really weighing heavily on us individually and on our marriage. Who gives up what? Are we willing to live apart for a year or more? What is really included in that covenant of marriage? Does the person whose discipline is more flexible always have to be the one to follow? It is so painful to watch your lover's self-esteem go down the toilet after all these years of chasing the TT life.

I love higher education. But I am so frustrated about what it does to people.

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[anon]

For what it's worth, you have a lot of (apparently silent) sympathy out there.  Good luck to you.

[anon]

I gave up a tt job so that my partner could begin hers in a much better location.

But she also turned down much better offers because they would not extend me any offer that would be more than a 1-year visiting position. So now, she is on the tt while I am a visiting assistant professor at the same university. My job is renewable and my hope would be that it will eventually become tt. The school is average, but the location is great.

We decided that rather than working in great universities, but living apart, it would be much better to make such sacrifices in the hope that we would not have to ever live in different cities (or states!).

[dino]

I had a different take on Boxem's columns.

This couple has spent the past two years (or "academic application seasons") applying together for two tenure-track positions in the humanities. Why are they disappointed not to have been hired? Boxem's spouse has not even finished her PhD! Why are they even applying?

I do wish them well, but their expectations are too high at this point. Spouse needs to finish up, get a successful temporary position or two, and then (in a few years) they will be in a position to seek their dream jobs together.

In my field most interviewees for t-t positions have spent three to five years at various postdoctoral research/ teaching positions, during which they published a LOT.

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