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[Cynical]

While I appreciated today's 1st person, and I thought in general he gave wise advice, it pissed me off to see the last item:

* Your Spouse or Significant Other: This is the one person who needs to be a part of your search conversations at every step.


Well... what about those of us without a spouse or so. Does that mean we are condemned to never speaking to anyone about this stressful period.
It's so typical that a person assumes that everyone has a spouse to go home to. This heterosexual white guy of course writes that we should all go home to the wife to get comfort  or complain.

Some people lead different kind of lives. They share with friends or family.

[Artsy Jenn]

I think the point he was making is that it is very important to include your partner in the discussion because it is going to effect this other person's life as well.  He wasn't talking about comfort...

I'm not heterosexual or a male but I couldn't imagine leaving my partner in the dark about where I might be going!

[Skeptic]

I think Cynical raises an excellent point.  I am in a tt job and looking to move on, and I have told virtually no one--family, friends, colleagues--about my search, or even that there is a search, except for my spouse.  Our hope is to move geographically closer to family and friends, and by keeping our mouths shut we avoid the certainty of raised expectations and the strong possibility of disappointment among people who just don't understand the academic market.

Point is, my spouse and I find it harder--more stressful and lonely--than we anticipated to keep quiet about this significant part of our lives.  If one does not have a spouse--well, the article leaves that out of the equation.  I don't know what the answer is, except to have good, sympathetic friends.

An additional comment about the article:  To a degree, I think the author could have included"the online community"--including those of us on these forums and those who read the job search wiki--among those to whom we on the market should generally reveal less.

(I realize that my second comment contradicts my first to a degree.)

[Cynical]

Yes, fine, I get that.
But my point is, the comment was this:
"This is the one person who needs"

so those of us who are single should not be talking to anyone.

[Prytania]

Post deleted by moderator.

[Single]

Yes, I agree with Cynical.  The worst thing I've found about being on the job market is having to deal with the stress, frustration, and (now) depression alone.  Yes, if I had a spouse, I'd love to be able to talk about it with that person.  But the column's advice is very problematic for those of us who are going on the market single, and maybe only have friends or family to talk about it with.

[anon]

"the column's advice is very problematic for those of us who are going on the market single, and maybe only have friends or family to talk about it with."

So don't follow the advice. Do what you want/need to do. Frankly, I think that it is only after seeing you go through this lunacy we call a "job market" in academia that friends and family can even begin to understand how different the academic hiring process can be from the processes used in the business world.

[cost of everything]

Oh, geez.  These are "rules of thumb."  Obviously, if you're lucky enough to have a partner in life, you damn well should talk to him or her about this stuff.  If you don't, then, if you desire, you CAN talk to a close friend or your sister or or your dog or whomever, IF you're willing to explain all the nuances of academic job searches (or if they already know about it).  Just be sure you're doing it for support and not to show off and they they truly do understand how it works.

[anon]

I didn't appreciate any aspect of today's first person, really.  One of the poisonous aspects of being on the academic job market is feeling that one can't or shouldn't talk to people about it.   Sure, one shouldn't gloat.  That's common sense and good manners.  But the idea that there is something special and sacred about the *academic* job search seems misguided.  Be sensitive to others' feelings, but at least in my grad department, a bit more openness and forthrightness and information would help everyone quite a bit.  Otherwise, people who aren't doing well feel like they're the only ones, and people who are doing well are obsessive about how they should/shouldn't tell, who they may not be competing with, etc.  It's a whole lot of extra energy in a process that is already draining enough.

[HWG]

"This is the one person who needs" -keyword NEEDS

"This heterosexual white guy of course...."  Cynical of course judges no one on the basis of sexual orientation or by the color of their skin.

[Prytania]

THe above Prytania is a fraud. Someone is stealing my name again. I wonder who. *sigh*

[Cynical]

Skeptic wrote:

If one does not have a
> spouse--well, the article leaves that out of the equation.  I
> don't know what the answer is, except to have good, sympathetic
> friends.
>


Thank you Skeptic - you articulated it better than I did.

It is completely left out of the equation.

The other poster who had problems with the secrecy also brought up interesting points.

[Aristotelian]

Should the author have said NOT to talk to your spouse?
This must be a troll.

[Cynical]

Oh shut up.
I am not a troll.
I'm a flesh and blood first-generation college student who is working on phd. please. any time someone has a critique, you think s/he is a troll? I was merely pointing out a huge absence in the article. If "said person" in the article did not have a spouse than notice that "said person" would be condemned to silence or puttering to one's dog.

[Loyd]

I agree with many of the comments here, although I would point out one advantage of being single on the job market: partners/spouses do not figure into whether or not you take the job. With all of the talk about "trailing spouses" and such, it might be an advantage for some people to be single since they have more mobility, at least on a professional level (the personal issues of being single are a different story).
 I love my partner dearly and could not imagine life without him, but having to find jobs for two people in the same field in the same small town has been incredibly stressful (I have the tt job and he is part-time at the same school).