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[tea Athrawes]

This has probably been around forever, but hey, I thought it was new:

Advice to writers:
•   Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
•   Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
•   And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
•   It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
•   Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
•   Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
•   Be more or less specific.
•   Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
•   No sentence fragments.
•   Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
•   Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
•   Do not be repetitive or redundant; do not use more words than
•   necessary; it's highly superfluous.
•   One should never generalize.
•   Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
•   Don't use no double negatives.
•   Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
•   One-word sentences? Eliminate.
•   Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
•   Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
•   Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
•   Do not use multiple exclamation points NOR all caps for emphasis!!!
•   Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
•   Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
•   Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
•   Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
•   If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
•   Puns are for children, not groan readers.
•   Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
•   Avoid incorrect use of the ellipsis, or I’ll…
•   Who needs rhetorical questions?
•   Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
•   The passive voice should never be utilized.
•   Do not put statements in the negative form.
•   A writer must not shift your point of view.
•   Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
•   Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
•   If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
•   Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
•   Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
•   Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
•   Always pick on the correct idiom.
•   The adverb always follows the verb.
•   Be careful to use the rite homonym.

And finally...

•   Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.


One question - would any of my students get it?

[prytania]

Thank you, but those rules are unnecessary for me as I have made Pedant my own personal copy editor, so it is entirely up to him or her to copy edit my posts.

It's so good to be relieved of the grunt work!

[Pedant]

This looks like an exciting test for students. I know I speak for all the Pedants here when I say we approve.

Did you deliberately misspell punctuation in your subject heading?

[%sig%]

[prytania]

And the other thing--if people see any spelling or grammar mistakes in my post, make sure you scold Pedant because that means he's not doing his job.

[prytania]

Well, there's my little copy editor slave.

[tea Athrawes]

Pedant wrote:

> Did you deliberately misspell punctuation in your subject
> heading?

I'll never tell.

[Anti-Pedant]

The Anti-Pedant does NOT approve.  We are preparing for a second round of attacks should the pedant get out of hand with snarkiness or trolldom on this site.  The last round of anti-pedantism was ugly. It silenced the pedant for a short time.  Just as there are many pedants, there are many anti-pedants.   Be warned.

The one, the only, the sage,

-- The Anti-Pedant

[%sig%]

[prytania]

I'll share my little copy slave with you.

[Anti-Pedant]

Thanks for the offer.  I already have one, though.  I lovingly refer to him as "my b****".  They are quite the commodity. However, they have been known to get out of hand.

the one, the only, the sage,

-- The Anti-Pedant

PS,

I thoroughly enjoy your posts!  They are wonderful!!

[%sig%]

[econ anon]

I would be leery about giving that list out to students... it's suprising how easily confused they can get.  Maybe it would work as an exam that they have to correct and turn in, but not as a set of guidelines.

[prytania]

that's pedant's list, not mine.  I didn't find it sufficiently amusing to give to anyone.

[econ anon]

Actually, it's Tea Athrawes' list.  I just hit the reply-to without bothering to notice what the topic subject line had changed to.

[melba]

For any given item, many students would not get it. But the list could be a great piece for a small group activity (have the groups figure out each item and correct it). Then you could see which ones they have the hardest time figuring out and use that as a basis for your future lessons. (This is assuming that you are teaching a writing course).

[prytania]

Good idea, Melba.

[CC adjunct]

I don't even know what some of the errors are, like the passive voice.  Most of the things I write professionally are in the passive voice, I think.  Of course, I only know that because my spell/grammar checker used to go crazy until I eliminated the rule.  Most pedants would have a heart attack trying to read most science papers, and not just because of the subject matter.  Scientists tend to write very poorly, and I'm lucky if my students even know what a spell/grammar checker is.  It doesn't help that the proper way to write in science gets picked apart by any computer program.  

For example (never seen):
I added X to Y and mixed them for 20 minutes.
Becomes:
X was added to Y and mixed 20 min.
Or:
Add X to Y, mix 20min.

That's the good ones (everything is abbreviated that can be).  Sometimes writing becomes an alphabet soup of abbreviations.  Some of the things I have seen are scary, but I'm unusually observant for a scientist.  I can thank my mom, who is a pedant that cringes at how I write currently.  I try, but I don't have a clue how to apply proper grammatical rules to science writing.  Do any of you pedantic types have suggestions for how a grammatically inept scientist can re-learn a little of this stuff?