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[Ulallay]

Does anyone else think that the mom who wrote the first person essay should get a grip?  Man, talk about a corporate shill - even when unmonitored by her employer she worries about the number of hours and being extra dutiful.  

I say, take the time off and produce what you can and re-connect with your kid. As a mom, I really wish other moms would stop whipping themselves in public for not working hard enough!  

This kind of guilt wastes time and energy.  I mean, I'm glad she got the $500 and all for writing this essay, but if she is really worried about productivity, focus on that and then go have fun at the pumpkin patch!

[Curious]

You say, take the time off and produce what one can and re-connect with one's kid.

Easier said than done. I definitely related to this woman's essay. I too worry about if I seem productive enough, if I'm putting a reasonable amount of hours into my work each week. Some people worry about this stuff, some people don't. I wish I didn't, but these things cross my mind. Any ideas for how to get rid of the guilt?

[Untenured]

Concern about your work productivity is a sign of a person who is loyal and dedicated to her career and her employer.  That is not "corporate shill", but a hardworking individual.  She has a career and wants to nurture that career, just like she wants to nurture her child.  I think virtually anyone with any experience with a "real job" would recognize this.  Then again...

Untenured

[drsoccermom]

"Untenured" writes that:

She has a career and wants to nurture that career, just like she wants to nurture her child. I think virtually anyone with any experience with a "real job" would recognize this.

Well, untenured, I have a "real job" and two very real children, and I'm  not confused about which is more in need of my "nurturing."  And my kids are school-age, and aren't in need of the kind of attention the first-person columnist's child seems to need (developmentally & emotionally).   I drive on field trips on non-teaching days, I coach a Science Olympiad event, etc., and I fulfill my teaching, service, & research obligations, too.  So why is this first-person columnist so worried about driving once to the darn pumpkin patch on her sabbatical?  

I agree with Ulallay; it seems like the Chronicle ONLY features mothers who fret overmuch about their job responsibilities.  Their obligations to their jobs seem so much clearer to them than do their obligations to their children.  The mothers of my kids' friends are often working much higher-pressure & higher-paying jobs (business trips, expectations of long hours, etc.) and they don't express the same level of anxiety about this issue as the Chronicle feature moms do.  (Yes, the parents talk when we drive kids to some theatrical experience or zoo excursion, and those connections are vital.)

[Ullalay]

I definitely see this as part of a larger pattern in our culture of mothers punishing themselves for career sucess.

That said, I also think that academics (and yes, Untenured I do have a faculty position) get over invested in their jobs.  We do so much for so little pay (based on our education and market worth of our skills if we had gone into other fields such as law or medicine) and are also asked to sacrifice so much by being unable to control our geographic location.  I firmly believe that this translates into the myth of academia as "special," and that we should be so grateful for our jobs that we should permanently feel unworthy.

I think because this is an area of research for me, I articulated many of my deeply held beliefs about the specialness of academia (crucially) in front on non- academics, only to have many of them laugh at my narrow and mis-informed perceptions of the real world.  

In short, I love my job, it is a cool job, but it is just a job.  A friend of my who works at Google and is also in the midst a sabattical.  He certainly isn't killing himself about if he is productive enough!  If he were, we might recognize his over-identification with his company as sad and as being a corporate peon.

Just because you are employed by State U or super-duper U, or whatever doesn't make it any different.

[Helicopter Generation]

You modern parents hover over your children too much.  That prevents them from developing their own intellects.  They don't need organized play groups at age three and pre-kindergarten and all that crap.  They don't need every afternoon filled with extra curriculars.  They aren't going to get kidnapped if you let them play in the yard.  That type of crime is down and not up; it's just that every single one makes the media.

[Untenured]

I'd respond to your post directly but I'm not sure of your point.  You do wonderful things for your children.  Good for you.  I'm not sure how your life experience contradicts or adds meaningfully to the point I made in my previous post.  Maybe you have a neat 9 to 5 job with no real pressure.  I don't know.   Apparently the Chronicle author does not and must struggle with that reality.

The person in the Chronicle is worried about her career.  Her career is imporant to her.  So are her children.  She is not a corporate shill, but a hardworking mom that has a demanding career that pulls at her attention.  Her article, I think, should provoke sympathy and understanding, not scorn.  That was the point of my post.  I'm not why such simple concepts provoke such strong reactions from academics.

Untenured

[Ullalay]

Untenured - were you responsing to me?

I never mentioned my children.  My point was academics' investment in their careers.

And despite your attempt at a slap "Maybe you have a 9-5 job,"  please.   I already said I was a faculty member.  And indeed, part of my point is that I should take that as an insult (which I am sure you will deny), or it assumes that an administrative job would be "easier" than ours.

[Ullalay]

Actually, in rereading the train of posts I think that Untenured was being unpleasant to drsoccermom.

The reason these things provoke such strong reactions is that many academics are focused on outside evaluation for their self-esteem and are into conformity and are risk-adverse.  I would include myself in that.

Motherhood was the first time I had two task that were in direct competition and they were both the "correct" and important thing to do.  When we are told that either we aren't working hard enough or motherhing well enough it pushes our buttons.

As a gen Xer, I posted to see maybe if we could take some of our generation's
 f**k 'em attitude and apply it to empowered mothering.  Screw feeling bad about not doing the maximum amout of work, and screw feeling bad abou not being super mom.

I guess for Untenured, not.

[anon]

As a mom, a prof and a Gen Xer, I could not agree more.

[Untenured]

The only point I was trying to make was that the Chronicle author is deserving of our sympathy and not our derision.  For some reason, this point provokes strong emotional reactions.  If being unpleasant means advocating that we show compassion and sympathy for others, then I hope I am to you the most unpleasant person in the world.

Untenured

[aria]

There's really no need for all this anxiety.  My advice:  do your best professionally and personally and accept that you're not perfect.  Works for me.