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[In need of Miss Manners]

I'm posting this in the "work and life" section because my question covers issues not directly related to work:

On which of the following occasions should someone in an academic social millieu write a thank-you note?

1. After being invited to a social dinner at someone's home
2. After receiving a gift
3. After staying as a houseguest at someone's home
4. After someone writes a letter of recommendation for you
5. After an on-campus interview

I'm an assistant professor in a college town, and almost all my friends are academics or academics' family members. I've read in general advice columns (most notably Miss Manners) that thank-you notes are required in all the above situations. But is it really true, especially in an academic setting? I almost never send thank-you notes in the above instances, though I always thank people verbally during or after these favors.

Sending a thank-you note feels awkward, overly formal, and artificial to me, and I'm afraid recipients will think it's silly. Or am I wrong, and have people been thinking I'm rude all along?

[ABD Candidate]

I believe you've raised some good questions, especially after reading other posts about life in academe, horrific interview situtations, or just plain rude and borish behaviors. Social graces seem absent in this day and age. For what it's worth, here are my thoughts on this subject:

A post-dinner thank-you card seems appropriate, unless it is someone that you have dinner with fairly frequently, even a colleague -- then a thank-you card might seem a bit pretentious or overly formal. The same with a gift, unless it's a departmental gift, then you should acknowledge the effort and thought.

After staying as a houseguest -- yes, send a card immediately! Especially if your relationship with the person is somewhat formal. Opening one's home to another is a big thing. Sometimes picking up a nice small gift (something tasteful) and sending it to that person (a sort of "thinking of you" gift) would be appropriate too.

Letter of recommendation -- no, but with each request I make for recommendations, I make sure to say thank you for your continued support in my e-mail. You may ask for multiple recommendations and sending thank-you cards each time would seem peculiar.

After an on-campus interview -- YES!! A handwritten card to the search committee (one should do it) is appropriate. Write neatly! I've also sent an e-mail thank you to each member of the search committee -- I've been told that the latter is perfectly acceptable.

Good luck.

[JuniorFaculty]

I send thank-you notes after each of those -- perhaps it is part of being in an "old-fashioned" part of the field, but it is both good manners and good strategy. Because so many people neglect to send anything, the polite people who do stand out and are remembered. If you've been on the recieving end of a written thank you, remember the effect -- someone took time and effort to acknowledge you, and it feels good. It is crucial that you have a light touch and something genuine to say in the note, not just sign a pre-printed card. A note mailed afterwards allows you to be remembered by the person you are thanking, and gives them "something to show for it" that they may be able to use.

Other situations in which thank-you notes are a good idea:

- When someone covers your class (if this has been for more than one session, a small gift is sometimes in order -- if you were at a conference, bring back something inexpensive but nice).

- When someone takes the time to read your work and comment.

- When someone "covers" for you in any way (handles a student who needed advising, brought you committee minutes for a meeting you missed ...).

- When someone guest lectures in your class (a written note can go in his or her tenure file) or loans you AV materials.

- When a TA has gone above and beyond.

- Anyone who gave you a softball at a conference Q&A so you could show off.

- Anyone who introduced you to an important networking connection.

As for the on-campus interview notes, I wrote them to thank personally the faculty colleague (I was hired, so the notes obviously don't hurt) who drove me to the airport at 5:15 am, the colleague and her spouse at whose house the department held an interview cocktail party, and the administrative assistant who juggled some pretty complicated travel arrangements.

Written "glad to have met you" notes are also good practice for people you've been on panels with and might want to network with in the future.

I guess the whole point is that you are demonstrating that you are willing to take time to be grateful, which is deliberately artificial, and your sacrifice of time demonstrates it. I work on a campus where most students for whom I've done things (letters of recommendation, etc.) send thank-yous, and I like to spread the good feelings around.

[B.F.]

If you go to the Job-Seeking site and enter "Thank-you letters" in the search function, you will find that some people have strong feelings for and against sending thank-you letters after interviews.

[aNON]

If you do what JuniorFaculty claims then you will be doing nothing more than writing thank-you notes ...

[JuniorFaculty]

... and basking in evaluation after evaluation of good collegiality and surrounded by fellow faculty members willing to do things for you. Considering the payoff of being even moderately polite, it is a better investment of time than griping, which academics always seem find time to do.

[Dale]

I just could not resist commenting:

Yes, thank-you letters are important, or cards, or whatever form of gratitude. They won't land you the job, but if "collegiality" means anything to the search committee, and there's not a nickel's worth of difference between two candidates, then they can put someone over the top. Search committees, I believe, normally expect some sort of recognition, even if it comes in the form of an e-mail.  

I have always sent a thank-you card after personal interviews, with a person or a committee. Normally it is sent to the chair of the committee, and always within a week of the interview.  

JuniorFaculty is correct when he says that it appears academics always have time to gripe and complain (see "Entitlement" discussion elsewhere on the forums).

The rule of thumb should be to send thank-you notes when interviewed, stayed over at another's house, etc. It always helps, and cannot hurt.

[LOObler]

I fail to see how people could not appreciate thank-you notes and why they should not be sent. Graciousness (on the part of the person who did the favor and the sender of the note) is never out of style. Boorishness, on the other hand, was never in.