New Semester Results in Huge Loss of Life Among Grandmothers

My all time favourite: “I can’t write my paper this week because we have to harvest the cotton before that hurricane ruins the crop.”

Grandmothers ain’t new: I had a whole Borough of New York full of them die in one semester in 1969.

My own excuse to miss a final exam: Peace Corps training/orientation. Legitimate. Took the final a week early.

Dear Professor Smith,Best one from a commuting student’s mother:”Please excuse Sally from taking the mid-term yesterday. She had diarrhea and her boots leak.”

I had a TA with a student whose said his father died. The TA said it wasn’t possible. The student got upset, accused the TA of being insensitive, etc. The TA said–yes, your father died–but a year ago. The student suddenly gets silent. The TA continues–how do I know. I was on-call as the chaplain at the local hospital when your father died, and I ministered to your family.

My class was being videotaped so that we might be able to use the lectures in future on-line courses. A young student came to my class after the first day to tell me that he would no longer be able to attend my class because the CIA was stalking him and the videotaping was not of me, but of him. He said that the CIA was using the story of using my lectures as a subterfuge to get into my class so that they could get his every comment on tape. He did withdraw.

One student told me he had missed my midterm because he fell asleep while walking to class. He claimed his roommate found him asleep leaning against the wall in the hallway leadng from their dorm room. The cause of his sleep attack: a late night jazz gig the night before. That one I could maybe buy, but not the guy who showed up an hour late for class (a full week after the spring forward time change), claiming he hadn’t yet changed his clocks.

@ danforth – I would have thought that was crap too, until I moved to rural Louisiana — oddly enough hurricanes to tend to ruin crops.I think my favorite was from a student in Bali (online class) who kept telling me that the numerous religious holidays prevented him from turning papers in on time – mainly because the whole area he was is was without power and internet…

I once had a student ask to take a final exam in calculus early because she was in labor, rather than miss it and have to make it up later. She was in pretty early labor, so she finished with her contractions still about 25 minutes apart, then went off to the hospital. Her husband spent the time pacing outside the classroom door. This seemed to me like a good reason for special accomodations.I have had graveyards full of dead family and friends, hospitals full of sickness, courthouses full of summons and trials, and stadiums full of sporting events, but one of my favorites was a guy who said he was going to attend a riot and couldn’t come to class. There wasn’t much to say to that.

Years ago I taught a class at a major university in Washington, DC.While this is not an excuse per se, students had learned to pull the fire alarms on test days, forcing evacuation of the entire building!

I once published a humor piece in The Journal of Polymorphous Perversity many years ago claiming to mathematically prove that failing students come from inferior biological stock (lots of early death and illness). They are also infested with poltergeists who make their pets go into a frenzy and rip up homework, make lockers stick with homework inside, and sabatoge the Post Office and Internet nodes to keep homework from poor students from being delivered. But the best excuse I ever had was a real one. About 30 years ago I was teaching American Air Force students in Belgium. Two bodyguards to a top NATO commander telephoned me from an airplane circling Ankara, Turkey AFB, claiming that the fog would not allow them to land, and that they couldn’t leave for home until they landed and refueled. They said that they would be (and they were) an hour late to class that night.

My favorite: A graphic design student missed class for the last 8 weeks of a 16-week semester. After receiving a final grade of F, he petitioned to be granted a (barely) passing grade of D. His excuse? “I was busy designing my wedding invitations.”

My college boyfriend had three grandparents die in one academic year – it really can happen.The worst story is when the father of a student received condolences on the lengthy illness and death of his wife. Trouble is his wife was alive and healthy. The student played this out for a couple of years!

At a small residential liberal-arts college in the South, students were expected to notify me in advance if they had to miss an exam. My favorite was a young woman who was putting herself through school largely through beauty pageant scholarships. Her excuse? She had an “emergency modeling job,” (filling in for someone) and had to get her nails done. You just can’t make that stuff up!

I have another prof excuse that I almost had to use last week: I was grading student papers in my sunroom, took a break for dinner, and then we were hit by a tornado. Came up to find the sunroom a mess, all the papers scattered all over with leaves and insulation all over them, but the sunroom didn’t look that bad; we were left a bit curious as to how all the debris got in there. Over next few days insurance agent who was estimating various repairs to my house realized the roof of the sunroom had lifted up a long way and then crashed back down. The students were fortunate that their papers didn’t escape and completely blow away.

The two best excuses I ever received, so good that I just accepted them without checking them were: the student whose sister had just shot her husband and the student had to stay home to watch her children after the sheriff arrested her; and the student who didn’t make it back to campus until three weeks after the spring break because he had gone home to see his dying mother and had got caught behind enemy lines in Lebanon. Both were otherwise good students, and were not the type to make up things.

Several years ago, a student from my 8 AM class came into my office (I had just started teaching) and told me she had missed so many classes because she was coming off of a heroin addiction and was visiting the methadone clinic at 5 AM. Apparently, one does not feel very well at all after a methadone treatment. She definitely wasn’t lying (she looked like hell), and I honestly had no idea how to handle the situation. I think I stammered something to the effect of, I hope your recovery goes well and let me know if I can help with the missed material.She did finish the class, with a halfway decent grade. I left that school the next year-I hope she was able to graduate.This semester, we’ve been in class three weeks and there have already been three grandparent deaths. One a week–that’s an omninous trend!

My personal favorite: “Dear teacher, I cannot attend class today because I got a part in a movie.” I’ve found this to be one of the hazards of teaching in Malibu, CA

@nyhist: Amazing how many “driverless” cars there are leaving early for breaks!

I used to teach ESL classes abroad, and I would excuse students’ absences and tardiness if they invented an excuse. I didn’t want them to talk about their abuela’s death, the slow bus, etc. In writing class, they had to invent a story that was at least half a page long. In speech class, they could tell a tale of their remarkable escape from martians, etc. It was much more entertaining, they were using the language, and some of the frequently-late or often-absent invented several episodes of an ongoing narrative describing their close escapes or bizarre encounters. Of course, if they didn’t want to do this, that was their prerogative too. I would simply mark them absent or late.

In order to sing in my college’s glee club, you had to commit to remain after finals for 1 week and sing at graduation. My father wrote this to the choir director: “Please excuse *** from remaining on campus to sing at graduation. After 25 years, her mother and I think things are going to work out and plan to get married. We’d like to have *** attend.”

dlovejoy – My favorite is: “I won’t be in class today, I think my ovaries are exploding”.

My best was the student who was not in class the entire semester–not ONCE–and who after they received the “F” cam to me and asked to be able to do extra credit so he could “earn” the “C” he needed to stay in school. He told me the reason he had not been in class is 1) his mother, 3000 miles away in Alaska, had terminal breast cancer, 2) his girlfriend was pregnant, and 3) he had a severe learning disability.Turns out none of it was true.

My favorite is a badly written full of typos letter from a “detective” saying that the student was in a witness protection program for 12 weeks of the semester.

In grad school I had a prof who stressed that he never gave extensions. Toward the end of the semester, I had to go to him and acknowledge knowing he didn’t give extensions, but that a relative was ill and I just couldn’t finish the final paper without a few extra days. He scowled and asked what relative, clearly hoping I’d say my second cousin twice removed. “My spouse.” Oops. Next he asked what illness. Hoping I’d say a bad cold? “Total kidney failure and congestive heart failure”. He grumbled, granted me the extension, and knocked down my grade anyway. Lesson #1 for him: Don’t ask the questions if you aren’t prepared to deal with the answers. Lesson #2 for him: Doctoral students tend to graduate and spend their career in your field, sometimes remembering what you have taught. Lesson for me: Just because someone is a psychology professor doesn’t mean he has mastered empathy.

Michael A. Bellesiles should have a good story about the exuse Ernesto gave him.

my favorite real excuse — student (from PA) went to Florida to see the first space shuttle launch after the challenger disaster, and brought me photographs and a t-shirt. I did let him make up the test. Another that just floored me for its honesty: were the young lady whose note said: “I went to Johnson City [TN] to get a tatoo and it took longer than I expected” and her best friend whose note said” “I had to drive my best friend to Johnson city to get a tatoo and it took longer than she expected.”

Best ones that either happened to me or to a colleague:1- To me, when I was a TA at big public university: A student came to me before the exam and said: “I’m sorry if I don’t get a good grade, but last night I went out with my boyfriend’s friends, they got drunk and started telling me how I was the wrong person for John (the boyfriend). I got so depressed that I went back home, drank half a bottle of vodka and passed out. I didn’t have time to study”. She actually got a C+, not bad2- A friend of mine, teaching at a very expensive liberal arts college in the Northeast. He receives a student email Sunday night that said: “I’m sorry I won’t be able to attend your class on Monday. I’m in South Beach, and my father’s private jet is having technical problems, so I won’t be able to return in time for your class”3- Another friend, at a big public university. Student’s grandmother died the day before the final. He requested a note from the funeral home. The student produced one. My friend called the funeral home to verify it, and found out it was a fake.

It does happen for real. My paternal grandmother passed 3 days before the final exam period of my first semester of undergrad (I stayed at school for exams rather than go home for the funeral, since Grandma would’ve killed me if I missed a test on her behalf); and my maternal grandmother passed 2 days before a final exam in one of my graduate courses — I took the exam and then flew home that afternoon.

#59I can hear it now:”Gee professor, I thought they said we were playing for poker chips not computer chips!”

Thanks everyone – this has given me a chuckle and has made my day! Only one grandmother death this week, and I think it is actually legit. If I weren’t worried about upsetting a student who is really dealing with a death in the family, I would pass along this entire post to the class. It might give them a sense of perspective from the teacher’s point of view (or, maybe it would just give them fresh ideas!)

My favorite: An earnest young man reported that he was not able to hitch-hike into town from his somewhat rural location. He told me he had always reliable “gotten a hitch” until this one evening class when none materialized. ummmm…

From my nearly three decades in student affairs and academic administration my all-time favorite came from a student facing expulsion for not making satisfactory academic progress. He faced expulsion because he was suspended the prior semester and appealed the suspension with the risk he’d be expelled for five years if he didn’t improve. His excuse this time was that his sister developed cancer and he went home every week to help care for her. She finally died at the end of the semester, devastating him. The story tugged at my heartstrings. Then I read through his file and saw that his appeal for reinstatement the previous term was based on the very same scenario involving his poor mother. Reasoning that cancer isn’t contagious and that the odds of two such tragic cases in the span of two semesters were pretty low, I called the county records office of his home county and asked about death certificates for anyone with his last name in the past 6 months. There were no deaths by that name for the past 12 months. Suspicious, but realizing his sister and mother could have different last names, i dug a little further. In the personal profile he completed the previous year asking about family status and siblings he indicated he had two brothers but no sister.When we confronted him with the evidence we had uncovered during his expulsion hearing, he said, “Eh, it was worth a shot.”His expulsion was enforced and his case was immediately referred to the Dean of Students for additional sanctioning under the university’s academic dishonesty policies.

I taught students of theology.The best excuse? ” I have to go back to my Diocese.The Bishop needs me to canvass for his re-election as ….!”As my college was supported by the various Dioceses from which our candidates came I had to give in all the time

I work at a college which has a very straightforward excused absence policy. One absence that is excused is a no-fault court appearance, meaning that the student had to attend but was not to blame for the issue. I received this excuse from a student – I’m sorry that I cannot attend class. Through no fault of my own, I got pulled over for speeding, and there was a warrant out for my arrest, so I am in jail.

A very good friend, who had a compulsory tutorial at 9-00 one morning a week, so decimated her family via excuses for not attending the tutorial that when an aunt did die, and she had to return home to the west of scotland, the reaction of her tutor, one fo the country’s leading French scholars, on her apologetic return was, “I’m surprised you have any family left, Ms. Little”

We once had a student who also had “cancer.” Once she brought her small dog to class because supposedly he ate her chemotherapy pills and she needed to keep an eye on him as the vet said she could not leave him alone. But her best excuse was she missed lab because Sears changed her tires and they did it wrong and on her way to class all the wheels fell off her car.

75. sgtrock – had a med-school friend that put a pretty good looking cast on my arm .In my college days, I contemplated have a cast, crutch, bandage, etc. “rental” service

Lt. Colonel Henry Blake, on receiving a request for a hardship leave from Corporal Max Klinger and leafing through his file:Blake: “Uh-huh. Here we go: ‘Father dying’, right?”Klinger: “Yes, sir.”Blake: “’Father dying’ last year. ‘Mother dying’ last year. ‘Mother and father dying’. ‘Mother, father, and older sister dying’. ‘Mother dying and older sister pregnant’. ‘Older sister dying and mother pregnant’. ‘Younger sister pregnant and older sister dying’. Here’s an oldie, but a goodie: ‘Half the family dying, other half pregnant.’ Klinger, aren’t you ashamed of yourself?”Klinger: “Yes, sir. I don’t deserve to be in the Army.”From the M*A*S*H television episode, “Mail Call” (Season 2, Episode 23).

I had a student stage his own mugging the morning of the final exam — complete with a police report taken at the hospital emergency room, where he was being treated for very real injuries. When the police later concluded that he had orchestrated the attack, he was charged with filing a false report (and perhaps soliciting battery), dismissed from school, and reported to the state bar’s character and fitness committee.

The best excuse I’ve ever heard was when a friend was hit by a car while walking across campus to her final exam. The professor was very skeptical about her excuse until she sent him the police report, complete with pictures of her lying on the ground awaiting medical help for her injuries and pictures of her in the hospital. I had one TA who refused to let me make up a test I missed while in the university infirmary with a nasty stomach bug (as was university policy). I had the note that I was in the in-patient infirmarmy, but he refused. I finally had to bring in copies of my chart from that day showing the 3 liters of IV fluid, results of my pregnancy test (to be sure it was a bug and nothing else), etc. After jumping through hoops for about 2 months, he finally, grudgingly agreed to let me take the make up test. However, more than 2 months has passed and we’d moved on to other topics so I didn’t do so great. I’d tried very hard in my delerium to convince the doctor and nurses to let me go and take my test and promised faithfully that I’d be back as soon as I finished the exam. They gave me anti-nausea drugs that knocked me out for the next 12 hours instead.As an advisor, my favorite excuse is the always classic “I just forgot”. I had one student who failed a class because he didn’t go to the final and was irked because he thought his excuse of “I wrote it down on the wrong date” should be sufficient. It wasn’t. On a related note, I once had an ex try to get me back by claiming that he had brain cancer AND his mother had just died of thyroid cancer. Being the nice person that I am, I drove over to help him pack to go back home for his mom’s funeral. After I declined getting back together with him, he asked me (not politely) to leave. I later found out that his mom was alive and well and that he did not have cancer; I won’t say that his brain was well as clearly there were issues! Did he not think that if I did get back together with him that I wouldn’t notice his mom still being alive? He was a master’s student in a very well respected graduate program at a research I at that time. He dropped out soon afterwards.