Administrators at Goshen College are scrambling to find a song to replace “The Star-Spangled Banner” before intercollegiate sporting events.
Some faculty members, alumni, and students at the Mennonite college have complained about hearing the national anthem before games. The institution’s board of directors told President James E. Brenneman to find a song “that fits with sports tradition, that honors country, and that resonates with Goshen College’s core values and respects the views of diverse constituencies.”
Phew! At least they didn’t ask for something that people can actually remember the words to, or stay in tune while singing.
We spoke with President Brenneman this week, and he seemed game for the challenge, though he did describe an earlier alternative that resulted in failure: trying to sing the words of the Prayer of St. Francis to the tune of “The Star-Spangled Banner” (which is, after all, the melody from an old British drinking song).
The president even suggested that the college might forgo a song altogether and simply adopt a “ritual” to be carried out before each game.
Now you’re talking our language. Sports is filled with rituals, many of them bizarre, ridiculous, and often offensive. The NFL defensive tackle John Henderson likes to get whacked in the face before leaving the locker room. University of Arkansas fans call the Hogs at Razorback football and basketball games. And hockey games at the University of Alaska at Fairbanks are preceded by a video on the jumbo screens that has the polar-bear mascot laying waste to other universities and, eventually, the entire planet.
But Goshen doesn’t have a Division I sports team. Bloodlust, profane cheers, and NCAA sanctions aren’t part of the vocabulary at this liberal-arts college in Indiana. Instead, the institution’s motto, “Healing the World, Peace by Peace,” reveals an unusual set of goals.
So we leave it to you, gentle readers of Tweed: Suggest an appropriate song, chant, or ritual to be played or performed before each Goshen College Maple Leafs competition.
As always, play nice: No biting or eye-poking, and all blows must be administered open hand. Winner gets an academic monograph of our choosing.
-Armando Montaño

