It is pretty common for people to think in terms of five-year or ten-year plans when it comes to mapping out the various paths our lives can take. I remember sitting in a restaurant in college and developing different visions of what I thought my life might be if I accepted each of the various offers I’d received for graduate school. Things did not turn out as I had planned, but I still think that exercise helped me make a good decision.
In this post, I want to explore a variation of the ten-year plan. Instead of thinking of a concrete place where you want to be or project you want to complete, I want you to think about the person you want to become. In other words, what will the you of 2020 say about the you of 2010? This question is partly inspired by another blog post several friends of mine were talking about on Twitter and Facebook a few weeks ago. In “Regrets from the Dying” from Inspiration and Chai, Bronnie Ware lists several things she learned from working in palliative care. The list includes things many of us have heard before. Those who were dying regretted having worked so hard when they were younger or having lost touch with friends as the years went by.
I think about such things a lot. Turning forty last year felt like one of the greatest gifts I could ever have been given. My first partner died at thirty-eight, and one of my best friends from college died when he was thirty-nine. All I could think about around my birthday was how I was experiencing something they never could. I would smile politely when people made jokes about growing older or being undeniably in middle age. I made some jokes myself (my father gave me a t-shirt that says “OMG, I’m Old!”, and I wear it often). But I mostly felt amazement. Forty felt like such a solid age to be, one with the possibility of several decades of life ahead of me and a foundation of experiences and learning acquired through decades behind me.
In 2020, I will be fifty if I am still alive, and I have been thinking about the person I could be then, which means thinking about the person I am now. If I reach that landmark age, I hope to be able to say that I spent my forties doing all I could to be ethical and fair in all of my relationships. I also hope to be able to say that I faced the challenges dealt to me directly, with minimal whining and complaining (notice I said “minimal” and not “no whining and complaining”). And I hope I look back and can say that I cared less and less about the opinions of others and focused more and more on things that would enhance my life and the life of my partner (keeping in mind the ethics and fairness I mentioned above).
It’s very possible that, in 2020, I could have finished the book project I started this summer and even been promoted to full professor. It’s also possible that I will have visited countries I have wanted to visit since childhood. And I could accomplish a number of concrete things that have been on my mind for years. But none of that would mean anything if I achieved them unfairly, unethically, and with a constant negative attitude. In other words, it is possible to acquire many concrete things no matter what kind of person we are, and I want to focus a bit more on the person and not the accomplishments.
What about you? What do you want the person you become in 2020 to say about the person you are now in 2010 and in the coming years? Let us know in the comments!
[Creative Commons licensed photo by Flickruser Per Ola Wiberg ~ Powi]
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11 Responses to What Will the You of 2020 Say about the You of 2010?
adwhite - September 9, 2010 at 12:21 pm
Thanks for this post, Nels. I will be turning 40 in January and it’s the first birthday that I’m struggling with. Your thoughts have helped to shift my perspective towards the positive. I’m going to try to spend some time answering your question. Cheers, Angela
drassessment - September 9, 2010 at 4:36 pm
Very thought-provoking post. In 2010 I hope to be retired and your post has caused me to decide to spend some time pondering who I want to be in that stage of life.
mkelland - September 9, 2010 at 4:41 pm
Thanks Nels. I recently turned 50, and as it approached I had both hips replaced (an old injury) and my wife left me. However, I have been studying and practicing Eastern philosophy over the past few years. I particularly practice mindfulness and equanimity. According to ancient Vedic tradition, your active spiritual life begins at age 50. The psychoanalyst Carl Jung called the second half of life the cultural period. I recently published a Personality textbook, took a sabbatical to study martial arts program for people with physical disabilities, and I published a book on sabbatical that I am currently using in my Positive Psychology course. I recently began teaching a self-defense course for people who use wheelchairs, and despite my age and physical disability I recently competed in my first Brazilian Jiu Jitsu tournament. I try to teach my students and my children (14 and 16 years old) to embrace life and find whatever it is that provides you with a sense of meaning. For me, I love practicing martial arts and writing. I just submitted a book about my experiences as I turned 50, with an emphasis on that old Vedic tradition. I am trying to make a cultural contribution both here at the college and in my community. I am trying to be a more calm, thoughtful, and accepting person. My weight and blood pressure are down, and my fitness level is way up. It feels good. Now I just have to keep it up, Mark.
drnels - September 9, 2010 at 6:46 pm
Thanks, everyone! Mark, I love what you’ve described. It’s such original and important work.
mjcaraccioli - September 9, 2010 at 7:25 pm
I’ll be turning 27 this year and have spent the last 22 consecutive years of my life in school. Every time I stand in front of my freshman class of Intro to International Relations, I can’t help thinking that they were all born in the ’90s (!!!). And yet, particularly when I think they have more in common with me than they do with the full-time faculty (I’m a doctoral student at the Univ. of Florida), my quarter century feels so rich, diverse, and meaningful. In 2020, I will be 37, hopefully with a job, and who knows, maybe even with children. I hope to be able to share with them and future students of the 2000s that every new day is not only an opportunity to start fresh in the way we treat ourselves and others, but also one that thrives from the past. Thank you Mark, we need more insights like yours in our strange sliver of the world.
velvis - September 10, 2010 at 8:27 am
In 10 years I’ll be in my 40s…but honestly my path is so wide open right now as I’m seeing the light at the end of my doc tunnel that I have no idea what is going to happen…I feel exactly the same way that I did 10 years ago when I finished undergrad. Sometimes I question if I’m 32 or 22. Now I’m just working on being more assertive and not aggressiveI’m working out 4 or more days a week. (Something that has never happened before in my life).I’m keeping a journal of only positive things going on in my life and sharing them with others – instead of being my snarky yankee self. So in 10 years I’m hoping that I am a cool enough person that my then 14 year old will still want to talk to me. I hope I can get back into my prom dress (it was a 10 so it’s possible)I hope that I am old enough to know when being assertive is correct, when being positive is correct, when snark is correct and wise enough to know the difference. The prayer of a Yankee in the South)
bookwormz - September 10, 2010 at 9:37 am
My husband and I are nearing 50, and have had a number of conversations along these lines. I can see mortality ahead of me, and so I decided that I am no longer going to try to prove myself to anyone; I am going to engage in activities that make me happy (reading, fiber work, drinks with friends, watching stupid movies with my kid) without feeling guilty that I could be doing something “more productive;” I’m going to enjoy my work, and not get involved in the petty politics. It’s not a matter of being selfish, as long as one’s life is lived mindfully, and with good intent, and with kindness, as you said, Nels. Thanks for an AWESOME read this Friday morning!
oldcommprof - September 10, 2010 at 2:15 pm
If I make it, I’ll be retiring in 2020 at the age of 67, having reached full retirement age and completed 25 years at my university. I had no trouble with turning 40, as I was just finishing up my doc program, which were the five best years of my life. By the time I was 50, I had passed all the customary academic milestones and since then, I’ve tried to look at every day as a gift and act accordingly. What I hope they’ll say about me if my name comes up in the Fall of 2020 is, “I’m glad he was here,” and not “I’m glad he’s not here.” A nice thread, this. Thanks for starting it, Nels.
mlalvarez227 - September 10, 2010 at 2:36 pm
This was a really good read. On a professional note, it reminded me of a project I did with my first years in their ‘how to be a good freshman’ course. I worked with them on developing a vision of themselves in 20 years, a mission statement to guide their path, and short and long term goals and milestones along the way. Personally, it resonated with a reverberating roar in my heart. I am 37 and doomed to mid-level, low-paying staff positions unless I move on to the PhD road. All the things I see myself doing in 2020 are not hinged on getting the PhD…but I think it will make it that much easier. I am on the precipice and I think I am going to jump. wish me luck!!
theflyingkiwi - September 11, 2010 at 12:22 am
After being a scientist for 20 years in New Zealand and having to retrain as a high school teacher, and approaching the end of my working life, i’ll be 65 in ten years time, I hope to have a useful career in New Zealand. If I make it or not, that is neither here nor there, but on reflection, I plan to look up my old friends where ever they are and get back in touch.At this stage in life, I think this is my major goal. job security and position?! Nah,Sincerely,theflyingkiwi
drnels - September 11, 2010 at 3:11 pm
Thanks for the thoughts, everyone! You all have gotten me thinking about a lot more than I was thinking about when I wrote this post. And, @mlalvarez227, I love the idea of doing this with first-years. I’m having mine do a self-assessment of their writing style and process at the end of the course; this might be a good thing to add to the assignment to get at the bigger picture of life.