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Dawn of the Grad: Rules for Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse and Your First Year at Grad School

March 9, 2011, 8:00 am

By Prof. Hacker

LEGO Zombies

[ This is a guest post by Katy Meyers, a graduate student in the department of anthropology at Michigan State University. She also writes regularly on bioarchaeology and mortuary archaeology news at her site www.bonesdontlie.com (Twitter: bonesdonotlie. -- @jbj]

I have been a first year grad student for the last three years. I’m not saying that this makes me an expert, but I have learned what it takes to survive (and excel) during your first year of graduate school.

Surprisingly, throughout these past few years, zombie apocalypse films have served as both a comfort and inspiration for my own survival. It turns out that the rise of the undead serves as a great metaphor for graduate school. The way the characters battle against seemingly insurmountable odds, with their ragtag team and unending optimism… it’s been inspirational. Drawing from my favorite zombie films, Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead, here are the rules for surviving your first year of grad school or your first undead encounter.

  1. Cardio: I’m starting with Zombieland’s iconic rule. Keeping in shape and active is essential towards feeling good and keeping your life on track. Exercise can be a great way to bond with other first years, is a nice break from studying, and also will keep you happier and help you sleep better.
  2. Double Tap: Always double check everything, whether it is your final exam paper, an email to your advisor, or the undead monster who looks dead but could rise again. Nothing is worse than realizing that your auto-correct on your email just corrected your professor’s name into a dirty word, or that you forgot to attach the works cited to your first essay.
  3. Buckle Up: To quote Columbus, “It’s going to be a bumpy ride”. You need to find something in life that will keep you grounded. It is easy to let your academic responsibilities swallow your life, leaving you in a zombie like brain dead state. Remember to find a support group that will add stability and balance to your life.
  4. Stay Together: When the world is reduced to a zombie wasteland, groups always survive better than lone individuals. Same rule goes for graduate school. You need to find people who will support you and keep you on the right path.
  5. Avoid the Infected people: A corollary to number 4, you need to watch out for individuals who are infected or emotional black holes. These are the people who bring you down, are unsupportive, or focus only on the drama. It might be a little cut-throat, but if someone is infected by negativity, it is better to leave them to their fate and remain with the living.
  6. A Bar is a Good Sanctuary: As Shaun of the Dead said, “We’re going to the Winchester.” I’m not condoning alcohol as a requirement for graduate school, but it is important to get out. Happy hours and dinners at the local pub can be a great way to unwind and meet with other grad students. Most university towns will have a restaurant or bar where the grad students go. Find that place and invite your cohort to meet there, this is a great way to work on #4.
  7. Trust your instincts: Sometimes you need to push the limits, and walk into the dark tunnel that echoes with the moans of the undead. Other times you need to step back and let someone else be the hero. There is a lot of free advice floating around graduate school, but always remember to go with your gut.
  8. Nerds survive: When the dead come back to stalk the living, it is the nerds that finally have their day of glory. New graduate students need to embrace technology and take control of their online identities. If you don’t define yourself online, someone else will.
  9. Enjoy the Little Things: Grad school is an extremely rewarding opportunity, but you need to make sure you take time for yourself and relish those moments. Whether this means taking Sunday mornings off to go out to breakfast and shop at a local farmer’s market, or taking weekend trips to new cities with your friends. You need to enjoy the little things when entering the graduate school apocalypse.

My final words are the same for those of you entering your first year of graduate school or those entering their first battle against a plague of undead: good luck.

Zombie LEGOs photo by Flickr user pasukaru76 / Creative Commons licensed

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  • greensubmarine

    10. Aim for the head: You might feel swamped, out of your depth, and beset with problems you can’t handle. Instead of flailing wildly at these issues or trying to pretend they’re not there, be direct and upfront with your mentors about any difficulties you are having. The headshot will save you a lot of valuable ammunition.

    This post is boatloads of fun. Thanks for the laugh (and the solid advice).

  • tressiemcphd

    This is pretty much perfect.

    Signed,
    First Year Walking Dead

  • lkaplan

    Perfect article. I am definetely printing this out. So clever =)

  • drknow

    Awesome. I’ve already circulated this. Thanks. Looking forward to the one about vampires and faculty meetings.

  • gatorteacher2

    This is great. I’m sharing it with fellow” zombie fighters!”

  • missymca

    Sadly, this also describes my first year as a faculty member…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=709290169 Victor Thompson

    Wonderful!

  • sthen

    Such an excellent article – I am going to circulate this to my undergrads!

  • dvacchi

    This is much ado about nothing and presidents of colleges, particularly private colleges, should choose carefully how they weigh into the politics of state governments. I seriously doubt Dr. Pasquerella would have voiced an opinion if Secretary Perkins were not depicted in the mural.

    The governor is relocating the mural, which is ugly and outdated in my view, due to complaints from Maine citizens and business leaders that it improperly aligns government with labor, rather than an appropriate neutral position which all governments should hold.

    To claim the action of relocating this mural is revisionist history demonstrates a simple ignorance of what revisionist history is. Destroying it, or claiming it improperly depicted the history of the labor movement in Maine would be revisionist, but moving it – no.

  • _perplexed_

    The link in the post, above, points to a story which includes the following statment from a Maine official:

    “If either of our two constituencies perceives that they are not welcome in our administration building and this translates to a belief that their needs will not be heard or met by this department, then it presents a barrier to achieving our mission.”

    I’m guessing that removing the mural and renaming conference rooms (also described in the linked article) doesn’t make Labor feel very welcome in the the Dept. of Labor building, but I doubt that they count as a constituency in a Republican administration.

  • demery1

    You know a mural is painted on the wall, right?

  • tappat

    Good for Ms. Pasquerella! More university presidents need to counter totalitarian trends and people.

  • torshi

    This one is not. From the artist’s website:
    “[T]he 11 panel mural…was painted on 4 x 8 sheets of specially prepared MDO board. The panels were applied to adjoining walls in the Dept. of Labor reception area. In total, the mural measures 36 feet in length, and is nearly 8 feet tall.”
    http://www.judytaylorstudio.com/mural1.html

  • fiscalwizard

    She is president of a women’s college and Secretary Perkins was the first female cabinet head in the federal government. She certainly ought to be protesting the removal of the mural. The presidents of the other colleges for women ought to be adding their protests as well.

    I used to be a Republican but the current cast of Republican idiots just about has me turned.

  • old nassau’67

    (I clicked on the “ordered the removal” link above.) I read:

    From “Acting Commissioner (of Maine’s Department of Labor) Laura Boyett

    “We have received feedback that the administration building is not perceived as equally receptive to both businesses and workers – primarily because of the nature of the mural in the lobby and the names of our conference rooms. Whether or not the perception is valid is not really at issue and therefore, not open to debate. If either of our two constituencies perceives that they are not welcome in our administration building and this translates to a belief that their needs will not be heard or met by this department, then it presents a barrier to achieving our mission.”

    My reaction:

    In the six panels shown, I don’t see any Amerinds, mobility- or vision- challenged, Negroes, Hasidic Jews, Amish, or Nisei. I perceive that they are not welcome. Whether or not my perception is valid is not at issue: It cannot be challenged. I demand members of these (and any other groups CHE readers can think of) be prominently represented in any future murals!

  • jsubbiondo

    Thank you for calling attention to the need for college and university presidents to speak up on issues that affect us all. I wholeheartedly support President Pasquerella’s protest, and I encourage more presidents to do the same.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=12462584 Jeremy Harmon

    Ah, you forgot the most important rule!

    #32: Enjoy the little things.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Yen-Ting-Chen/704937906 Yen Ting Chen

    I love that humanities researching are integrating with technology. This is the kind of transitional approach that all the academic fields should adopt in order to grow with our progressing society.

  • guyhorelle

    well maybe it did not have such importance to the people in the streets….!

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