Dean by Day, Superhero by Night?

Ever wonder which superhero would make the best community-college dean? Professor X of the X-Men gets Dean Dad’s vote:

First of all, he’s ex-faculty. “Professor?” Oh yeah. Also, he’s in a wheelchair, so you’ve got some affirmative-action cred. But most of all, Charles Xavier is a telepath. A telepath. How useful would it be to be able to read minds? Imagine how he could manage meetings and figure out faculty and state problems? Better still, he can alter people’s minds. Oh my.

FACULTY: Dammit, Charles, this isn’t fair!

X: Are you sure? [activates mental powers]

FACULTY: Uh…no. You’re absolutely right. Now I’m going to leave and be happy with my job, and thankful that you’re helping me get it done. I’m here to guide the minds of tomorrow!

X: Thanks for stopping by, professor.

FACULTY: No, no, the pleasure was mine. Would you like me to get a cup of coffee for you on my way out?

X: That’d be great.

X: Mr. State Senator, the higher education in this state is drastically underfunded.

SENATOR: My constituents need tax cuts!

X: Are you sure? [activates mental powers]

SENATOR: Upon consideration, the future of the state requires a fine university system!

X: I’m so glad you feel that way.

SENATOR: I will fight to increase your funding! Fight to the death!

X: Thank you, Senator.

SENATOR: Care for a scone?