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Teaching Today’s Students About Delayed Gratification

December 8, 2011, 11:48 am

Sometimes, I get frustrated with my students. Just the other day I was talking to one of them about his career. He told me that he wants to make a difference. He wants to help underprivileged youth. Yet in the same breath, he told me that he had to make a lot of money and pretty quickly. He told me he wanted to have a big house, a new car, and to live the ‘champagne life’ soon. Upon graduation, he secured a job working with college students in a somewhat haphazard but wholly innovative environment. His job came with a wonderful role model, a good salary, and the opportunity to shape an institution in rich and meaningful ways. Before he took the position, I advised him to make the most of the experience and to learn everything he could from the leader of the institution. Unfortunately, my student did not take my advice. Instead, he has become bitter because he has to work hard. He is angry because he doesn’t think he makes enough money and isn’t in the exact position that he wants to be at this time.

My student’s attitude is not unique. I have had several students come to me with this story and this attitude. Over and over, I explain that success–especially financial and career success–takes time and a lot of hard work and investment of self. I tell them to be patient. I tell them to seek out mentors and to do things that are not part of their job descriptions in order to move up and gain respect in their positions. I explain how many times I’ve done jobs for free, proving my worth to an organization and eventually being paid for my work. I explain to them how much time is involved in obtaining your goals.

Some students have a very hard time understanding delayed gratification. Much of this difficulty is the result of the society that we live in today. The combination of buying everything on credit, reality TV-instant stardom, and hyper-materialism seems to make waiting very difficult. Although we might all dream about gaining a certain position in life or wealth instantly, this is not the case for most of us. Instead, we have to spend time establishing relationships, working with and learning from our mentors, and putting in a lot of sweat equity. We have to swallow our pride and listen. We need to ask questions and take in all of the experiences around us. It is this preliminary work that prepares us for our desired position in life. It is this work that shapes us and gives us character.

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Socratease2

If your student wants to work with “underpriviliged children” and make a lot of money, someone needs to tell him fast that those two goals are mutually exclusive. Anyone who says that really does not know what they are working towards nor do they understand realities of the job market.
patrick_murtha

It’s pure magical thinking. I’m reminded of a wonderful comment on another CHE column a few weeks back, by an educator of would-be doctors who noticed (I paraphrase roughly) that they weren’t that interested in learning all that boring anatomy and epidemiology stuff, but wanted to skip straight to being sexy young medicos making interesting diagnoses, such as they watched on “Scrubs” and “Gray’s Anatomy.” Applications to law school spiked back in the days when “L.A. Law” was popular – it all looked so exciting! (when in fact a lot of law, like anything, is drudgery).

Well, life instructs the naive.
crunchycon

Gasman has hit the nail(s) on the head — many of the current college-aged generation, though, to be sure, not all, want to enter the job force at or near the top of their chosen fields — incomprehensible to those of us of older generations, but we didn’t have IM, txtng, cellphones, internet, or even computers!

No one has bothered to instill the climb-the-ladder-through-hard-work ethic of past generations. Complain enough – or get mom or dad to complain (at the elem or hs level) - and grades get changed, consequences nullified or modified, papers are allowed to be rewritten or tests retaken.

I shudder to think what will happen when this generation “takes over”.
psychout

Why talk about delayed gratification at all? That cheapens what the student is doing now. Also this article makes it sound as if the purpose in life is to work really hard for a while so you can kick back later.
https://plus.google.com/115213066046539868050/posts?hl=en anonymous

I agree with the first comment. Why mention delayed gratification at all. Isn’t working hard to make a difference gratification in itself?
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=547184361 Renee Cramer

The title of this post made me think about delaying gratification much more short-term. Twice this semester, a factual question insignificant to our conversation, and that I couldn’t answer, has come up in my First Year Seminar on political manifestos. Both times, nearly 1/2 the class started to go immediately to google. Both times, I asked them to shut their lap tops and “live with not knowing” – at least for 15 to 20 more minutes. The second time, I thought to add, “and notice your discomfort with the wait.” If this makes them physically itchy (and it does), just think how hard it will be for them to imagine waiting 4 – 10 years (or forever!) to find a job that satisfies them, and their contradictory desires.
11238317

Yes……. I feel your pain!
11291652

This is going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better. Children who never play never develop executive function and our kids, parked in front of TV’s and sent to schools where even in kindergarten it’s all about drill, kill and test, simply never get to play.
22081781

You hit the nail on the head, too, crunchycon. Gasman wrote: “Much of this difficulty is the result of the society that we live in today. The combination of buying everything on credit, reality TV-instant stardom, and hyper-materialism seems to make waiting very difficult.” But I think what you said may have an even stronger effect that rampant comsumerism on the ethos of this generation of students. These kids are spoiled by both the K-12 system and their parents, both of whom have pumped up their egos, catered to their wishes, fought their battles for them, and paved an easy street for them to cruise through their young years. Unfortunately, we in higher education are just continuing the trend — doing things just the please this generation, like integrating social media, mobile apps, and other techie bells and whistles into our classes, when there is no evidence that these toys increase student learning or student motivation to do the hard work to learn the material.
mbelvadi

Ah, but if we don’t please them, they’ll take their tuition money elsewhere – it’s a buyers’ market right now in most levels of higher ed except the most elite. If we stick to our long term values, we go bankrupt, and what good would preserving those values do if we fail to financially preserve the institution that would uphold them? This is the fundamental conundrum of higher ed in our time, and despite lots of discussion about it on this site, I’ve never seen anyone come up with a way to break through it. The solution has to rest with the older taxpayers who would need to support those values, but time is our enemy, as the generations march on and increasingly the taxpayers/voters are themselves the spoiled generations who won’t agree with that work ethic. It may already be too late, as the actions of so many state legislatures to financially cripple their public higher ed budgets, presumably supported by the taxpayers who elect them, would indicate.
jffoster

Indeed. And children who never play without adults hovering over them never learn negotiation skills or even why negotiation is usually necessary. They just learn whining skills.
dpn33

So, after we finish trashing the current generation (and their parents), how about some more constructive suggestions on how we can help college and grad students develop their understanding of reality and patience and delaying gratification? I like Renee Cramer’s spontaneous response to a classroom incident, but we don’t always have that happen. Other thoughts?
adjunctivitis

I don’t agree. There is no ladder to climb anymore for the majority of positions. Yes, a few schools have tenure but the rest are an adjunct nation. Perhaps there is a government ladder to climb in the civil service or army. There is no ladder in the private sector. They employ you day-to-day and discard you as soon as it’s less costly to replace you.

I tell my students it’s a smash-and-grab world. Say whatever it takes to get the job then take as much as you can. I tell them they deserve it — so go for it.

I don’t *wish* the world were this way, and it’s a disservice to tell them otherwise. I also get topnotch evaluations which keeps the adjunct cash rolling in.

“Winning.”
rrowlett

College students should remember two things that will serve them well:
1. Confidence comes from mastery, not the other way ’round. And mastery takes time.
2. There is always a shortage of excellent people in any endeavor. To succeed, don’t plan on being average.
johnadamdrew

Rob Evans, a psychologist I work with has a great aphorism related to this issue: we need more parents who will “prepare their child for the path rather than prepare the path for their child.”
punkassninja

Great article! This definitely is a major problem amongst the current generation. When they email me at 1 AM and are miffed when they don’t get a response by 9 AM (because I’m asleep, like normal people, and not sleeping with my phone under my pillow), how will they ever have the patience to “climb the ladder”. I remember doing unpaid internships during all three of my degrees and understanding that this “grunt” work would pay off in the end. And it did.
semccoy21

Learning, like success, is a lifetime process. All electronic media messages have a beginning and ending wrapped into 3, 30, 120, and etc. minute units. What other media requires patience and reflection? Reading, the skill that brought enlightenment to the world.
crunchycon

I disagree with you. I have witnessed many students (from the current generation) whose careers took them outside academe start at the proverbally bottom and, through hard work, initiative and attitude, be rewarded, both through increased pay and promotion (i.e., next job up the proverbial ladder) for these character traits.

The notion that “they deserve it” is outrageous. What have “they” done to “deserve” ANYthing? You are a disservice to your students. Perhaps your bitterness at (still?) being an adjunct have colored your perceptions. You promote dishonesty and greed, self-importance and narcissism. You may view the world this way, but it isn’t that way for many people, and they will be the ones who are “discard(ed)” — and the factor may, rather, be “more productive” than “less costly”.
semccoy21

Your philosophy is astonishing. The concept of lifetime employment has always been overgeneralized. You are useful to an employer as long as you add value over the cost of your employment. Any other model is doomed to failure.

Perhaps if you were actually gainfully employed you would understand. Adjuncts are temporary employees, live with it.
mbelvadi

Apparently not, if the ex-student defines success in terms of buying an expensive car.
wayoutwest

Kids today with their rap music and skinny jeans and vampires…and don’t get me started on that awful Snooki!…and their Frisbees always endin’ up in my yard…trampled my azaleas the other day, they did. No sense of personal responsibility these days.

I guess this means that the baby boomers failed as parents and stewards of society?

I agree that millennials have a generational issue with feeling entitled to everything immediately, but boomers’ abdication of responsibility for this generation’s shortcomings is far more worthy of an article.
mxims

This article, in which I can see the attitudes of so many students I’ve encountered, points to the value of service learning. Projects in which students give to the community, while furthering their knowledge of the world around them, are an excellent way for them to learn the value of hard work, the satisfaction of working through a process, and the patience that is mandatory to accomplish anything in a less than perfect universe. Had the student mentioned in the article engaged in a service learning or volunteer effort with “underprivileged children,” he would have realized fairly quickly that you lose all respect, credibility, and cooperation with the people you say you want to help if you flaunt a “have” lifestyle in the face of a “have-not” population. He reminds me of one of my non-service learning students who proudly proclaimed, “I want to become a corporate attorney because I want a job where I don’t have to do a lot of writing.”
adjunctivitis

I agree, adjuncts are temporary employees. They are a product of the same educational system as full-time faculty, followed the same rules, and look at the same academic ladder. So, the dictate to work hard, follow the rules and you will be rewarded doesn’t pan out for everyone. They are looked down upon, as your post illustrates. So, here’s the question — if an institution essentially employs a majority of its faculty as adjuncts, what lessons would they expect them to teach?

The bottom line is that I tell my students I’m paid less than the price of a fancy latte to teach them per week. That’s right, they spend more on coffee than I get paid. They are astonished and angry that mere pennies of their tuition goes to adjunct faculty salaries. I also tell them that I teach as a hobby, which I do, because I have other work in a world that’s smash-and-grab.
adjunctivitis

Some do climb a ladder. As I indicated, there are cases in the military and government. There may be some “lifers” at corporations, but that’s the exception, not the rule. I also caution them that should that ladder change, they have to be prepared to smash and grab their way to a new position.

I am in no way bitter. I teach because I feel I have important lessons to share with the youth of America. How is it dishonest to tell students that they can/will be downsized in favor of cheaper foreign labor? How is it greedy to smash and grab as long as that’s how the process is working? Self-importance and narcissism — we *never* see that in our great leaders. (Smile)
5768

This essay opens onto large territory. One wonders if it isn’t symptomatic to see students as well as universities, other organizations, and governments wanting to “cut to the chase” and reduce most everything to the minimal pathway fantasized, to a blueprint, to a mouse-click, particularly owing to desperate times in which most traditional guarantees and bets are off. Minimalism born out of necessity, yes, and no less out of mindless exuberance which lacked thoughtful planning and foresight as well as knowledge of history.

“Just tell us what we NEED to know for the exam” has been the tail wagging the dog of many an educator for decades.We can knock ourselves out structuring the learning of our students and invariably will be asked for an ‘easier’ way by those who haven’t taken advantage of what was already provided. Too many educators and universities have succumbed to these pressures, contributing to the problem.

Even in less economically volatile decades–the “best of times”–we were taught that a career is something that forms behind oneself, that it can’t be fully predicted since life doesn’t come with a blueprint. While it may be true–and I teach my students as much–that “If it’s going to be, it’s up to me,” it is no less true that one doesn’t begin building without counting the cost.
crunchycon

There are MANY who do in the private sector as well, just as there are many who stagnate in the military and government. You misrepresent the private sector. Have you worked in the private sector? I have — more than 10 years between u/g and grad.

I fear the “important lessons” you purport to teach are worsening the situation.
edwoof

Dealyed gratification doesn’t work where :-

1. There is significant income gap inasmuch as employees begin and stay at the top or the bottom and there is little movement between. Dealyed gratification is a creature of a economically mobile society.

2. Students have a significant amount of debt. In such case the students simply have to take the job that pays the most regardless of whether or not it’s in their long-term career interest or the job actually appeals to them.

3. Stduents actually believe the fantasy world of today’s college life where they live in plush dorms, work out in student atheletic centers that resemble resorts, are catered to as customers, and are willing victims of grade inflation. They live the good life at university (never mind that they had to go into debt to get there), and with grade inflation, the message is that you don’t have to work hard to succeed. Any kind of affordable life after university is a significant step down. What should should know about delayed gratification when they are fully gratified at university without even trying?
patrick_murtha

When childhood and its extensions – of which I guess the university experience is now one – are too comfortable, how could adult life, with its frustrations, compromises, and dissatisfactions, not seem like a come-down? One of the lessons of philosophy is that the real pleasures of adulthood come mainly from increasing mastery of your life’s work (taking that phrase in its broadest possible sense). Material success cannot be counted upon, and must be enjoyed as a possibly temporary blessing when it does manifest itself. As the ancients well understood, it is an extreme disservice to the young to get them used to a high level of comfort at an early age. There are good reasons why even our finest educational institutions offered a relatively spartan lifestyle to students within living memory. Reconfiguring higher education or any kind of life training as a consumer experience is a step backward in civilization.
sgtrock

If it were in my power, you’d never get another contract. Talk about bad attitude!
adjunctivitis

@sgtrock I believe in academic freedom for adjuncts. They ought to be able to express their beliefs (and facts) without threat of employment retaliation. I’m sorry to hear that you may not share these values. It’s truly sad how narrow academe has become. I’m sure some students enjoy hearing a single perspective in their educational program. I do my best to stimulate critical thought, but that’s not a universal goal in education.
adjunctivitis

@crunchycon Yes, I currently work in the private sector. Perhaps the world has changed since your experience. These students have loans and need to repay them, and many cannot afford to wait for their rewards. The debt clock is ticking. I fear that the message of “wait for your reward” is imprisoning them in long-term deferred interest payments.
grward

To sgtrock: after you ensure (hypothetically, of course) that adjuncts like adjunctivitis would “never get another contract”, then what? Hire other adjuncts on contract but, this time, only hire ones with good attitudes? I suspect that you will be hiring a lot of adjuncts who have learned to be insincere and say whatever you want to hear in order to get the jobs. Institutions that punish honest opinion quickly become institutions staffed by toadys and liars, and students are usually sharp enough to see through the charade.

Here’s a better idea: if you really want to have adjuncts with “good” attitudes, WORK HARD for it (after all, working hard towards your goals is the topic under discussion here). Make sure that they feel valued, fight your university administration to convince them to reimburse them in a way that spreads the message that the university values what they are doing and, above all, treat them with with the respect that academic colleagues deserve. Work hard to do this every day, week after week, and don’t rest until you’ve achieved your goals of having only adjuncts who believe that universities appreciate the valuable work of teaching and that hard work by these teachers will be rewarded. And you know what? You may find that a lot of money isn’t the most important thing to them (even a few thousand more per course would make a huge difference). You may find that these adjuncts will spread the message that some jobs are worth doing well even if they don’t pay the best salaries. And, because these adjuncts would be sincere, the students would be more likely to get that message.

C’mon sgtrock, set up these goals and work hard for them! Don’t expect quick solutions — like not rehiring people whose attitudes are “bad” — to be the best way to achieve goals. Think of the longer term!
smirach

You make a very good point here: some desires are not so good for us. But how many courses of study teach the opposite: that the existence of a desire validates it? Part of the problem is that our students are receiving mixed messages at our own institutions.
edwoof

Patrick, I could not agree more. Universities have become a place where prolonged adolescence is encouraged and is the norm. The current debate about the lack of job skills of college graduates is misplaced. The problem with graduates is that they do not have the maturity to be trained in the job.
dancingdem

I get why the author is frustrated. I think it is funny when people graduate and are frustrated because they are not being hired to do their dream job, but she doesn’t have to trash and generalize our generation like we all want to be rich or all expect to have high salary positions after we graduate. She also assumes we don’t work hard at all which isn’t really fair. I think we are frustrated (like me) that there are no jobs available period, and that even unpaid intern
positions are highly competitive. But, I will be satisfied to get any job, but I feel there aren’t many first entry jobs available, which does suck. Also, I don’t mind continuing doing unpaid labor after I graduate because I have prepared myself mentally that that might end up happening–I am ok with that (in case I don’t get into grad school). But I think it is fine for us to be frustrated too sometimes because that gives us more energy and more impulse to work harder. She also discounts that a lot of us have outside pressures too, such as parents pushing us to be on our two feet, economic pressures, paying back loans, etc. She is right that we need to build relationships, swallow our pride, and really work hard.
Guest

I hate to be the outlier here, but I don’t connect with this column’s view of today’s students. I teach at Cal State Northridge where students are working their butts off and patiently trying to overcome enormous social and economic barriers. They do not need to be taught about delayed gratification. They need to be supported. Here’s a post on the recent research fair my graduating MA students gave:

http://criticalnewsscan.blogspot.com/2011/12/my-ma-students-can-kick-your-phd.html

They showed determination and patience. I am incredibly proud of them. I think elite schools ought to learn a few lessons from the folks I teach.
http://twitter.com/industrialist00 Ante Williams

Unfortunately, I struggle with this as well and I will admit it does have a lot to do with today’s society. Society glorifies black cards, expensive jewelery and exotic trips. Now, waiting on some things comes easy to me, but with other things, waiting can seem like its taking forever. When it comes to careers, making a lot of money would be great, but I would much rather have a job that I love doing and making what I consider to be a reasonable wage. But a key tip that you mentioned is learn from mentors and ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS remain teachable!
proftowanda

Reading is required to, well, read electronic media messages.

Which term did you mean?