March 11, 2008
'Tenure': The Shooting Script
Variety reports that Luke Wilson will star in Tenure, a comedy about “a beleaguered college professor (Wilson) who competes for tenure with an impressive new female colleague.” Wilson’s character also has the benefit of an “anthropology prof sidekick.”
We’re sure that this film will have all the crackle and wit of classic Hepburn & Tracy. Why are we so certain? Because someone threw a brick through our office window this morning, and attached to that brick was a copy of the shooting script.
A small sample follows.
FADE IN:
INT. COFFEE SHOP – LATE AFTERNOON
DOUG ARNER, 34, a BELEAGUERED PROFESSOR, and REBECCA KNOWLTON, 29, an IMPRESSIVE NEW COLLEAGUE, share a large table. Behind them is a black-and-white poster of Jean-Paul Sartre. Each has a laptop and a formidable stack of journals and papers.
REBECCA: How did class go today?
DOUG: On one side of the room, all the faculty members were sitting and taking notes on my (in)competence. On the other side, four students were yelling at each other at the top of their voices, and two were having a punch-up. What’s the world coming to when I think I am, relatively speaking, emotionally mature??
REBECCA: I wrote 1,100 words today, so I’m feeling good about that.
DOUG: In spite of my earlier … lethargy … I did motivate myself to do a great deal this afternoon, including getting a fairly detailed outline together for the draft that I am to complete this week. How was your weekend?
REBECCA: So, the weekend was fabulous. They should have faculty parties more often. If you have, let’s say, gone out three nights in a row and had, let’s say, three or four glasses of whiskey each of those nights, you will wind up with a huskier and more sultry voice than you began with.
DOUG: To which I say Mazel tov!
DOUG: Because I teach Monday through Thursday, I spend pretty much all four of those days in a keyed-up haze. I wonder if this feeling ever goes away, or even lessens … or if this is something I will just have to learn to deal with for the next 18 or so years.
CHRISTOPHER CLAY, 37, an ANTHROPOLOGY PROF SIDEKICK, enters the shop and joins DOUG and REBECCA at their table.
CHRISTOPHER: What stupid things have you done lately?
FADE OUT.
(Photo by the Flickr user danperry.com. Used under a Creative Commons license.)
David Glenn | Posted on Tuesday March 11, 2008 | PermalinkComments
Previous: Richard Posner Weighs In on William F. Buckley
Next: The Wikipedia Charts
I found yet another piece of the script misfiled at the library:
CHRIS: (breathless) Did you hear the news? The econ department is proposing tenure for secretaries, research assistants, deans … — anyone who’s been here more than a couple of years!
DOUG: What are you talking about — deans already have tenure?
CHRIS: (wearily removes scrap of paper from his pocket and reads the handwritten scrawl to Doug) “Obviously, I meant tenure as a dean.”
THE BECKSTER: Are you out of your everlovin’ mind? Give lifetime tenure to a dean or a secretary? This is Bush! I’m telling you this is Bush! (looking around) Hey, do they sell whiskey in this joint?
FADE OUT. (as Becks and Doug nod sadly and Chris nervously fingers his ketchup-stained Che-beret)
— S. Britchky Mar 11, 03:08 PM #