What Would You Say To This Email?

September 21, 2008, 9:50 am

Under the heading of “You Can’t Make This Stuff Up,” I’m pasting a message I got at 3:22 a.m. from a student who will remain unidentified, a message from out of nowhere, a kid who does NOT say where he goes to school, a student NOT from UConn (that much I could look up), who demands that I “reiterate on” an essay I wrote for The Philadelphia Inquirer.

I have left untouched his stylistic, umm, eccentricities. And I am serious when I ask the question: what would you do? Would you write back? What would you say?

“So in this article, which I had to read and dissect in
my college writing class, you say that The Joker is
hot. That is retarded. He would kill you. You are just
saying Heath Ledger is hot. Can’t see through your
retardness. You have a PHD I assume and whoever gave
that to you is retarded. I agree with your article at
the end, about the patriarchy stuff. The sad thing
though is that you gravely offended me, a male. You
decided too, kind of in a fascist manner, say men are
just two extremes. Either Johnny Depp/your beau Heath
“bad boys” or frat jock man tools. So are you trying
to tell me up in Connecticut that that is twos types
of men? Do you live in a conformist vacuum of retards?
Seriously though, do you really believe those
generalizations you made up? Do you really live in a
world where some men hang out in bars and hit on your
friends and then also never leave you for your
friends. Your article implies that this is cool,
because, why? Why would you want a man who would let
your friends hit on him and let you pay for stuff and
then bang your friends later. I don’t understand, but
then again, i’m not retarded. So, ok, you love Heath
Ledger. You say he is ‘enthralling’, but I guess you
mean the Joker. Who is a ‘bad boy’ who doesn’t want to
really date you or anyone else. He would kill you like
a retard. Please reiterate on your article. I need you
to help me because I have to write a article on your
retarded article.”