My deal with myself is that I’m allowed to watch anything I want when I’m on the treadmill. So I’m watching a show I’ve never seen before — Intervention (more about this bizarre program in a later post, don’t worry) — and oddly enough the ads that keep popping up are for NutriSystem. I hate them, but I’m watching them in order to put in my time on the treadmill (don’t get me started on irony). I don’t know what struck me as odd about the ad placements since the theme of the entire show was simply restraint, withholding, abstinence, and self-deprivation.
But all that aside, what really got my attention was the fact that NutriSystem offers distinctly different diet plans for men and for women.
At least that’s what their ads say. There I am in my unfinished basement under the bare light bulb in a T-shirt from the ice cream store my husband worked at when he was a kid, wearing leggings so old that they’re capri length though they’re not designed to be, and seriously old-lady sneakers with even older-lady sweat socks. I’m wearing no makeup and my hair is in a bun. I’m on the treadmill because I’m supposedly walking off cheesecake, carrot cake, apple pie, cannoli, taramasalada, crab cakes, the feast of seven fishes, garlic mashed potatoes, full-fat gravy, and just a teensy bit of champagne (let’s just leave the definition of “teensy” open, shall we?).
Let’s just say I’m not at my best — but I’m trying to be healthy. It’s the beginning of a new year and I always try to be healthy for a couple of weeks.
And, as if scripted by a giant television superego, all these ads for dieting kept interrupting this vastly entertaining show about the pernicious effects of various kinds of addiction. One particular ad grabbed my attention. The NutriSystem Men’s Plans made me virtually stop in my tracks (you can’t actually stop in your tracks on a treadmill because you’ll fall down. You probably already knew that. I had to learn it the hard way.)
First, in order to understand the context, let’s look at what NutriSystem emphasizes about their plans for women — these are the ads I’ve seen for years:
“Women’s Plans:
Yes, you can!
It’s that simple.”
“• NutriSystem is a lifestyle change
• Helps you lose weight without feeling hungry
• Community support & free counseling”
“Eat The Foods You Love
Yes! You can eat chocolate every day and still lose weight!”
“Julie V., a stay-at-home mom, is grateful for NutriSystem, saying, “thanks to NutriSystem, I’m living proof that 40 is the new 20! Being self-conscious about my weight was affecting my whole life. Now, I’m getting noticed, and it feels amazing! Before NutriSystem, I don’t think anyone was really noticing, I just blended into the background. I could walk through the grocery store, and I was just, you know, some mom shopping, but now when I’m walking through the grocery store, people are noticing, and it just feels amazing. Now, when I look in the mirror, I notice something different, too — it’s me again! Even though I was still cooking for my family while I was on NutriSystem, the food was so good and satisfying that I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything. If he feels like he has a new wife, it’s probably because he does!
Amy C., also a stay-at-home mom who is a size 2, announces: “I got my life back, and my husband got his wife back! After giving birth to my second child, Lila, I found myself asking if I could lose the weight this time. Especially after remembering all-too-well how I felt after I had Courtney. Depressed. Lifeless. Undesirable. Embarrassed. Because of my weight, I hadn’t wanted my husband Brad to get near me. “
And for guys? here’s what NutriSystem says on their Web site about their men’s plans:
“Mmm… MAN FOOD!
Eat burgers, pizza, pot roast — and still lose weight!”
• Specially formulated to help control hunger
• Guys get more food (and we’re talking “man food”)
• Community challenges especially for men
Chris Berman boasts, “I lost 41 lbs. while eating great-tasting meals like pizza, pasta, and meatloaf.”
Another guy’s testimony has him declaring that he’s “Rockin’ Again! Thanks, NutriSystem, for giving me the tools to live my rock ’n’ roll life!’”
Dan Marino, described as a “TV Host; Hall of Fame Football player” says: “Over the years, I’ve gotten used to being watched by millions of people. And being a TV analyst is a whole lot different than being on the field. In my new job I couldn’t hide behind a helmet and pads. To succeed in my new career, I wanted to look my best.”
Cris Carter, also a “TV Host; former Pro Football player” says: “When you’re talking about carrying around an extra 10, 15, 20 pounds, it’s just like you have a dumbbell around your waist all the time. I really wanted to lose 10 or 15 pounds, and once I saw my buddy Dan Marino’s results on NutriSystem, I knew it was something I had to do for myself. Once I retired, I wanted to do what I wanted to do. … I’m a guy who likes sugar. I always love sugar or something sweet at night. I’m back to my playing weight! … I have a tendency to put the weight on in my face and that’s where I really saw the results — in my face, in my cheeks. For me, especially being on television and being part of the media, that’s important.”
Let’s take a moment and quickly compare just the surface textures of these two ads. For the men’s plans, NutriSystem hires nationally famous former pro-athletes who are now newscasters to endorse their product. These are guys “used to being watched by millions of people.” In contrast, 40-year-old stay-at-home mom Julie V. wants to be noticed by the guys working in produce or stacking cans of Fancy Feast in the pet-food aisle. After all, she’d been feeling “that she had just blended into the background” when she was walking through the grocery store.
Still, Julie is LOTS better shape than Amy, what with not wanting her husband Brad to get near her (she actually sounds like she’s going to spit in his eye if he walks into the bedroom) and feeling “Depressed. Lifeless. Undesirable. Embarrassed” after having babies. (My student Sam suggests that Amy might have “issues,” which might be more appropriately addressed by the use of an effective birth-control regime rather than a diet plan.)
You’ll notice too that the guys get offered “man food” so that they don’t have to walk around with “ a dumbbell around their waist” and because they might put weight on their face. Women, in contrast, are trying to lose weight because their weight is “affecting their whole lives,” their husbands’ lives, and presumably the lives of their children, communities, guys at the supermarket, and for all we know, affecting unilateral efforts of world peace.
Clearly these women felt that their asses were just THAT big.
Women are offered “free counseling” (notice that “free” is in caps to emphasize that they’re probably going to need a lot of it.)
There’s not a word about counseling for guys, however. So, for example, if a guy decides late one night to scarf down 12 “man-food meatloaf” dinners all in one sitting (possibly while being forced to watch Intervention by his girlfriend) because each of the meals is, let’s be honest, the size of an iPod Nano (that’s how one of my friends described the portions), presumably he’s on his own.
My fantasy, as I got off the treadmill, was that if I stayed on for another hour I might see the ads change. I thought maybe there would be a diet plan where the women would be talking about carrying extra pounds around like dumbbells attached to their waists, wanting to “get back the tools to live [their] rock ’n’ roll” lives and explaining that once they retired they “wanted to do what [they] wanted to do.” And maybe I’d even see a guy cooing, “When I’m walking through the grocery store, people are noticing, and it just feels amazing” and claiming that their wives are thrilled to have “new” husbands.
Maybe not.
