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God, Are You There? I Need a Scandal Down Here.

Family values, Jim? Really? Whose families?

God, you know I don’t ask for a lot.  OK, a successful tenure review here or there, but really, I haven’t asked for an Austin Mini or an iPad for months.   And yet lately my life is lacking in joy and purpose and I think I know why.  We haven’t had a creepy political or religious leader who spews hate and venom into the body politic get their comeuppance lately.  We haven’t had one of those “SHUT UP!  You mean that man was having sex with men, prostitutes, a mistress, his wife’s sister?” moments that let me know that there really is a God and that You have a really perverse sense of humor.

Oh, I know you gave us Dr. George Rekers this past May.  And that was brilliant.  I mean, one of the founders of the Family Research Council  getting caught with a rentboy restored my faith in You and all that is righteous.  Especially since Rekers spent so much of his time making gays’ lives miserable by either trying to convert them to heterosexuality with his special brand of psychotherapy or testifying to make sure no gay person could adopt children.  When it came out that Rekers likes to be stroked by young boys whom he pays, I felt sure that You exist.

But God, I need more.  I need You to smite this character Jim DeMint (R-SC).  There are a lot of people praying to You to help DeMint spread his hate.  In fact, according to the Family Research Council (FRC), they’ve organized tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of people to pray to You for DeMint’s success.  Their goal is to have one million people praying for him. According to the FRC Web site,

Given the seemingly incessant scandal, ethical wavering, and lack of moral backbone in Washington today, it’s no surprise that politicians are generally not held in high esteem.  What is surprising is that politicians are not held up nearly enough in prayer.  Whereas the Bible instructs us that “supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, [should] be made for all men; For kings, and for all that are in authority,” (1 Timothy 2:1-2), I pledge to pray for America’s elected officials at least once per week.

But God, Your work shouldn’t be based on the people’s will.   It should be based on right and wrong and of course the occasional smiting of those who use your name to do the Devil’s work of hating all who are different.  The Family Research Council is one such organization, God.  They say that  ”homosexual conduct is harmful to the persons who engage in it and to society at large”

And although the Family Research Council says Jim DeMint needs your help because he “stands up for families,” the truth is that DeMint hates everyone who is not part of a heterosexual family.  DeMint is so full of hate that he doesn’t think gays or unmarried women should be allowed to teach in public schools!  Now DeMint is trying to pretend he cares about the people by targeting earmarks (which account for 1 percent of the federal budget), but actually extending tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans. God, really?  More money for the rich?  Is that Your plan?

Perhaps far more scary, DeMint’s part of that “Family” or “Fellowship” group of high-ranking Evangelicals—you know the ones—they support bloody coups in South America even as they plot how to make the rich richer?

That’s why I’m hoping You’ll listen to this one prayer and smite this man.  I’m not asking for much.  Just a little gay scandal.  Perhaps he could be caught with another man like Rekers?  Or maybe a mistress like South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford?  Or a very expensive sex worker like Eliot Spitzer?

Really, God, it could be anything at all that would make the hypocrisy and hate of this man evident to everyone.  A kinda the Emperor Has No Clothes moment.  Maybe he could caught streaking, God?  We have never really had that scandal and I suppose the “family values” but secretly gay is getting kinda cliche.  But God, when DeMint takes his clothes off, can it be somewhere really public so someone can catch it on their phone and send it to the press and if it were like at a national monument or something so the press could talk about his desecration of all that Americans hold sacred?

Because God, really, things are getting quite grim and hopeless down here.  And we need a scandal.

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