There was a fascinating and unprecedented continuum of women represented by major players during this last tour around the political theme park. We were presented with the Uber-feminine, as embodied by Sarah Palin, who was of course in direct opposition to Hillary Clinton, a woman who wore her Bluestocking colors proudly even after she was defeated by Barack Obama in the primaries.
The major players lined up as follows: Sarah Palin, Cindy McCain, Michelle Obama, Condoleezza Rice, Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton. They moved our eyes from red heels to comfortable wedges, from skanky-tight skirts to pantsuits, from beehive hairdos to blunt-cut pageboys.
I thought it might be intriguing to prepare a quiz, and to see where the Babes of Politics might fall in terms of their entirely theoretical and wholly invented responses to these multiple choice questions, questions which nevertheless indicate the character traits of these women with uncanny, startling, and wildly fake accuracy.
Which Answer Would YOUR Female Pol Pick?
1. Do you think Akris is:
a. Too expensive
b. Well-cut and excellent for travel
c. The capital of Finland
2. Do you associate red shoes with:
a. Judy Garland and the Wizard of Oz
b. Moira Shearer’s brilliant 1948 British film about ballet
c. Political acumen (although “acumen” is a word you don’t actually know)
3. You think violent, unemployed youths should:
a. Receive more education
b. Receive early training in technological skills
c. Marry your daughter
4. Do you believe dinosaurs lived with humans?
a. No, because science has proven otherwise
b. Yes, because scientific theory is not always reliable
c. Yes, because I married him after he divorced his first wife
5. You consider pantsuits:
a. Comfortable and appropriate
b. Possibly elegant, potentially dowdy, depending on the style
c. An anathema (although when quizzed on the word itself, you identify “Anathema” as the capital of Greece.)
6. The most important thing a man should possess is:
a. Self-reliance
b. Self-discipline
c. A sled
7. When considering the complexities of women’s roles worldwide, your first thought is:
a. How quickly can we move forward in terms of medicine and education in so-called Developing Nations without compromising the integrity of traditional family life in these cultures?
b. How we can help, both here and abroad, young women navigate the potential conflict between the dictates of an individual’s religious belief and her own personal ambition?
c. How do they wash their hair when it’s all braided in those tiny little braids like that, anyhow? That’s icky. Icky poo-poo.
8. A woman should know when to use:
a. Her charm
b. Her allies
c. Her taxidermist
9. A woman must learn not to rely exclusively on her:
a. Advisers
b. Record
c. Presidential Running Mate
10. If you were a vehicle, you’d be a:
a. A Triumph
b. A Rolls Royce
c. A sled
