Corporate Communications: A Modern Epistolary Tale

Subject: Complaint to Colgate-Palmolive Consumer Affairs Department

Dear Sirs,

As a loyal fan of Palmolive dishwashing soap, I was dismayed to discover that your newly designed top broke after I’d used it only about 10 times. I always loved the old top! It worked perfectly—easy to use with the flick of the thumb. There was utterly nothing wrong with it. Please consider returning to the old design!

Yours truly,

Laurie Fendrich

Subject: In response to your Colgate inquiry. #020855133B

To: Laurie Fendrich
From:    Colgate-Palmolive Consumer Affairs
Subject: Response to Your Email

Dear Ms Fendrich:

Thank you for contacting us about your experience with Palmolive Original Dish
Liquid.  We appreciate having this opportunity to help you.

Our company is widely recognized for our thorough and rigorous quality control
procedures. Every package is checked by electronic scanners as well as Quality
Assurance personnel who watch the filling processes. Unfortunately, despite all
these safeguards, on rare occasions a damaged container can be shipped from one
of our manufacturing plants. Also, sometimes a package can be damaged during
shipping or storage.

We will send reimbursement for the product; therefore the response has been sent
via regular (postal) mail and should reach you within 7-10 business days. If you
do not receive this response through regular mail, or have any questions about
this, please contact us again by email, or by calling us at 1-800-468-6502, and
provide the number appearing after my name below.

We hope you will continue to rely on our company for quality products and
services and that you will contact us again if you need additional information
or have any further questions.

Sincerely,

Victoria Smith
Consumer Affairs Representative
Consumer Affairs

Dear Ms. Smith,

Once again, I persist: The new top on your product is terrible. It breaks. It is stupidly designed. The old top was PERFECT. You ruined a perfectly good product, and I’m looking for something else now.

Yours truly,

Laurie Fendrich

Subject: In response to your Colgate inquiry. #020855133C

To: Laurie Fendrich
From:    Colgate-Palmolive Consumer Affairs
Subject: Response to Your Email

Dear Ms Fendrich:

Thank you for contacting us. We’re glad that you had the opportunity to try
Palmolive Original Dish Liquid.

Our Packaging Engineers are constantly looking at ways to improve our product
containers and labels. Product containers are designed to protect the product,
to maintain a good shelf presence and to be convenient for the consumer to use.
Product labels enhance the attractiveness of the product and provide essential
information on using the product correctly, safely, and appropriately.  We
appreciate your comments on our packaging for Palmolive Original Dish Liquid.

We hope you will continue to rely on our company for quality products and
services and that you will contact us again if you need additional information
or have any further questions.

Sincerely,

Victoria Smith
Consumer Affairs Representative
Consumer Affairs

Ten days later, an envelope filled with coupons for Colgate-Palmolive soap, addressed to me, arrived in the mail.

NOTE: To protect the innocent, real names have been used. The first email (sent by me) has been reconstructed from memory. The others were saved in my email folders.