In Bizarro World, Mitt Romney Is Now President

November 9, 2012, 12:28 am

President Romney’s transition website went live by mistake, allowing some person who wants stuff to take a screen shot.

Well, I am most certainly glad that we, the people, did not favor Mitt Romney on Tuesday. It’s not only for the reasons you might assume: that I am a taker, not a maker; that I want stuff; that I care nothing for innocent life; or that I am a member of that feared breed, a Tenured Radical.

Noooooooooes!!!!! All these things are true, but I have better reasons. I am glad that Mitt Romney was not elected because apparently he, the GOP apparatus, and the conservative punditocracy were not just lying about everything, they actually were inhabiting an alternate reality during the whole campaign. Frankly, I had never considered this. I find it a lot more disturbing than the idea that they were just a bunch of dirty tricksters with deep pockets trying to strip folks of their voting rights. The evidence is now pouring in from all sides that prominent conservative activists and the Romney campaign really thought they had Tuesday’s election in the bag.

In their minds, Mitt Romney was already President: the voting was a detail.

GOP efforts to understand how their campaign, awash in dirty money, racist voter disenfranchisement, misogyny and lies, could not succeed evade empiricism and logic at every turn. We have all heard Karl Rove’s crazed explanation that it was Hurricane Sandy that stopped Romney’s “momentum” (does this mean that God does, or does not, love homosexuals? I am so confused about how to read Divine phenomena at this point my head is about to explode.) In addition, contrary to the popular belief that Republicans tried and failed to keep poor, elderly, young and non-white voters from the polls by making voting incredibly difficult, according to Rove, it was Democrats who intimidated and suppressed the votes of decent (white) Republicans – with negative ads!

That’s right: faced with such negativity, good Americans were so dispirited that even the $300 million taken out and burned in the street spent on negative ads by Rove’s American Crossroads Super PAC could not get these patriots out of their Barcaloungers on election day.

Does it really help build party unity to call your own voters a bunch of sissies and losers? Particularly when Democrats were demonstrably far more spirited in the face of negative ads, lining up for hours in the cold to cast ballots? The Obama get out the vote effort was so successful that we are not re-counting votes in Florida — and over half a million provisional ballots are being opened one by one in Arizona. Voters even overcame the disinformation tactics that have become common at the local level. In a spectacular move that we at Tenured Radical would think was voter suppression if we didn’t know elections in the Sunshine State were clean as a whistle, a company hired by Pinellas County election supervisor Deborah Clark robocalled voters Tuesday to say that they had “until tomorrow” to get their absentee ballots in.

Peculiarly, since the race was consistently described as tight for most of the month prior to election day, and Obama had been gaining ground in all the states he needed to win, Mitt was entirely unprepared for the possibility that he was not going to be president. According to the HuffPo, Romney was “shellshocked” that he was not winning on Tuesday night, having genuinely believed that voter suppression would work all the major media polls were wrong. Paul Ryan and both wives were also stunned. According to CBS, “Their emotion was visible on their faces when they walked on stage after Romney finished his [concession speech], which Romney had hastily composed, knowing he had to say something….They all were thrust on that stage without understanding what had just happened.”

Let’s underline this: Romney had no concession speech, despite available data demonstrating that he could lose the election. None of the four adults who had planned to run the United States government, and lead the rest of what we used to call the “Free World,” seem to have understood that this outcome was possible. “On the eve of the election,” Daniel Lippman writes,” a number of polling aggregators, including HuffPost‘s Pollster and New York Times’ FiveThirtyEight, showed Obama with a huge statistical advantage over Romney.” And yet, despite the fact that Nate Silver, the boy genius of FiveThirtyEight, is almost never wrong, Romney chose to believe that these polls were just partisan attempts to persuade his supporters to stay home.

This is the outcome of lying: you have no real compass for when other people are telling the truth and you need to pay attention to it.

Finally, the question of why anyone — even hard-right Republicans –likes Ann Coulter must also be raised again as a wild hair makes its way up her posterior to its final resting place in her heartless, bony chest. She even drives me, the uber-feminist Tenured Radical to paroxysms of sexist mockery. So I can’t even imagine what all those people who worked hard on the precinct level for Romney think of Coulter’s interview with radio host Laura Ingraham, in which she completely throws what remains of the party base under the bus. Romney was a “magnificent candidate,” Coulter declared; Ingraham responded incredulously: “He got his clock cleaned…How can you possibly conclude that?” Ayn Coulter stuck stubbornly to this alternate reality: it wasn’t the candidate who was to blame, it was the voters:

“People are suffering. The country is in disarray. If Mitt Romney cannot win in this economy, then the tipping point has been reached. We have more takers than makers and it’s over. There is no hope,” Coulter said.

Towards the end of the segment, Coulter sounded even more somber as she said, “Mitt Romney was the president we needed right now, and I think it is so sad that we are going to be deprived of his brain power, of his skills in turning companies around, turning the Olympics around, his idea and his kindness for being able to push very conservative ideas on a country that no longer is interested in conservative ideas. It is interested in handouts.”

Oh, the bitterness. It’s so much fun to watch. Why can’t all extremists be like Phyllis Schlafly? Now there’s a girl who knows how to get right back on the bicycle. She does not appear to have been sucked into the mass delusion that Romney would win the election nor, I suspect, was she really a fan of the Stormin’ Mormon in the first place. Go here for Mrs. Schlafly’s post-election warning about the feminists, globalists, and  internationalists conspiring to destroy American sovereignty and strip us of our freedoms in the final seven weeks of the year.

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