Wondering what to get those special federal office holders for Christmas? An outrageous apologia from Bill Kristol? NO! Try this framed photo of Sarah Palin!* Lots of laughs around the Christmas Tree! And some bittersweet thoughts about what could have, you know, been…there. You know.
Or click here to purchase Parables of Pop Culture, a book that will help your favorite “old style” Republican pol talk to the family about how “the power of the words on the Burma Shave signs pale in comparison to the power of God’s words to us in the bible.” Well, yeah! I think so! And maybe God will also explain where the regulatory agencies were sleeping when the CFO buddies of the Bush-Cheney administration were siphoning money from every possible corner of the economy into their own pockets! No, don’t be mad, God — that’s a JOKE! There are no regulatory agencies any more! Ha! Ha!
Or click here to purchase The Politically Incorrect Guide To The Civil War, a book that reveals a bunch of great stuff about the War of Northern Aggression that I bet you never learned from that there terrorist-coddling, pansy-liberal history professor of yours. Like, you know, “why Robert E. Lee had a higher regard for African Americans than Lincoln did; how, if there had been no Civil War, the South would have abolished slavery peaceably (as every other country in the Western Hemisphere did in the nineteenth century); and how the Confederate States of America might have helped the Allies win World War I sooner.” Golly, true knowledge is such a gift in itself! You can’t go wrong with this little item, no sir!
And for only $15.95 — 15.95 ladies and gentlemen, plus shipping and handling — you can send a Sarah Palin “2009 calendar featuring never before seen photos of Sarah, with Todd, Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig Palin.” Just call 1.800.247.6553; when they ask for a sales code, shout “EAGLE!” Your favorite former Republican Presidential candidate (whoever THAT was! No I’m JOKING!) will receive this lovely calendar celebrating the woman who “has re-energized the Conservative base of the Republican Party. As a front runner in the 2012 Republican Presidential nomination, she is showing America that she is willing to reform her own party and politics as usual.” And here’s the best part — the photographer selling the calendar is Judith Patrick, the former Assistant Mayor of Wasilla! Well, yay! Or go here get a gift subscription to Townhall Magazine for that special soon-to-be-former White House occupant who may be in need of something to read — and get a Sarah Palin Calendar for free! Double yay!
Merry Christmas, Republicans, and have a ton of fun around the Christmas tree! Don’t let the door hit’cha on the way out!
*The photoshopped portrait of Sarah Palin was received over the internet this morning, courtesy of the Mother Of The Radical (MOTheR). I was led to all other items by the regular marketing emails I get from Human Events magazine, ads that are also shilling products by Ann Coulter, Oliver North, Patrick Buchanan, and a bunch of financial advisors you have never heard of.