Previous
Next

Possible Things Mitt Romney Said During The Missing Two Minutes

September 19, 2012, 5:16 pm

There were two minutes missing from the Romney video the other night, coming right after the moment when Romney threw 47% of Americans right out of the lifeboat.

What he might have said (Warning! Speculative, fictional, and not to be taken as the actual words of Willard Mitt Romney, especially the Al Pacino part):

Mitt: Just kidding! Hah hah! Got you all.

Mitt: That is why, when I am President, I will announce a War on Poverty that will use the power of the government purse to bring all Americans a fair standard of living.

Mitt: (whips out cigarette holder, puts in mouth): I pledge you, I pledge myself, to a new deal for the American people. Let us all here assembled constitute ourselves prophets of a new order of competence and of courage. This is more than a political campaign; it is a call to arms. Give me your help, not to win votes alone, but to win in this crusade to restore America to its own people.

Mitt: (glowing 666 appears on his forehead): AND THEN WE SHALL DRINK THEIR BLOOD, EAT THEIR BONES, AND CONSUME THEIR SOULS! YUMMY!

Of course, #missing2min is now trending on Twitter. Because, really, what isn’t?

This entry was posted in almost certainly not worth posting about. Bookmark the permalink.