So much for my career in academia…

(x-posted.)

Today is the final day students can register for classes.  I get email.*

I did not attend the second class and was supposed to be dropped automatically due to the second day rule, but I have to officially drop the course with your signature.  When are you on campus today?

This student is gently reminded that I told the class on the first day that the second day rule is not automatic, informed that I will not be on campus today and directed to the composition office.  I get more email:

I was wondering if there was any room in your 39B class from 9:30-10:50 a.m.  I’ve been trying to get into a class and it seems like they’re completely full!

This student is politely informed that I only allow two unexcused absences per quarter, and that because my class has already met four times, it would be impossible for her to earn a passing grade.  I get even more email:

i need to add ur class wheres ur office so u can sign my add card

This student is also informed that I only allow two unexcused absences per quarter, and that because my class has already met four times, it would be impossible for him to earn a passing grade.  He responds:

i can get excuses

I want to inform him that I’m not sure how he can be absent in a course in which he isn’t enrolled, but fear the inevitable literalism of his reply.  ("i wuznt there but have doctors note")  So I tell him that I only allow four total absences because that amounts to twenty percent of the entire course, and a student who misses twenty percent of a course cannot earn a passing grade.  He responds:

i make up the work r u in ur office now

I turn off the computer and re-read the material I’m teaching next week.  He responds:

wheres ur office to sign my card

I compose study questions for my students.  The computer is still off.  He responds:

need to no where ur office is to sign card soon

I eat lunch.  He responds:

fine i dont hear from u soon u reget it

I consider responding to ask what I’ll get again, but needn’t have bothered.

He sent me a link. (Someone flagged the comment and it’s been removed. What it said, and I quote, was: “even if u say u do the work he says he fails u for abscences”. Yes, I punctuated like a Brit on purpose there.

(And yet, I still miss love teaching, even though this happens every quarter.)

*No actual students were harmed in the composition of this post.  (But some of their stylistic tics may’ve been reproduced and mocked.)