Thoughts on Fathers’ Day

On September 19, 2004, my wife and I stepped up to the front of an oppressively hot and stuffy room at the Civil Affairs Bureau in Guangzhou, China, and were handed a scared but beautiful little girl. At that moment, all three of our little worlds were changed forever — for the better. And I became a Dad. The picture above was taken in that room, just minutes after the Doodlebug, whose name up to that point was Hai Yi, was given to us. But she became our daughter a long time before that.

Being a Dad is not easy. Fatherhood is still an experience that in many ways is beyond my ability to conceive it. I think that’s par for the course. And fatherhood definitely pushes me to the limits, and beyond, of my ability to deal with the world around me. Knowing that this little girl, now 2.5 years old and very much her own person, depends on me to help her make sense of her world, when I can barely make sense of it myself, is a responsibility that at all times threatens to become crushing. I have no illusions that the reason I manage solely due to God’s grace, the constant help of my wife, and the considerable intelligence and good humor that Doodles herself shows.

In spite of the difficulties — probably because of them — I think fatherhood is incredible and transcendent and just plain fun. I love being a Dad to my daughter. Even when she makes an unannounced visit to our bed at 3:00 AM, or yanks on my hair (what’s left of it), or whatever else a 2-year old is prone to do — the fact that I am blessed with a great wife and daughter, and that in some sense I am helping my daughter chart her course through the early years of her life and apprehend the wonder of the world around her, has never been lost on me. It’s an awesome experience that, like jumping out of an airplane, overwhelms you with the danger and responsibility but also amazes you with how much you can see when you are up that high.

I used to think that my #1 responsibility and desire in this world was to teach math to college students, because I was helping them see and understand the beauty and wonder in the world around them. I now see that math teaching is only one aspect of that calling, and doing the same for my little Doodlebug is also part of that calling, one that — like teaching — I accept and try my best at, with thankfulness and an acute sense of God’s faithfulness in doing it.