Am I the only one to find the following truths to be self-evident?

— Movies divide into two categories: helmets and guns vs. candlelight and talking. — Goo Gone is one of the great achievements of our civilization. — Writing with a fountain pen makes you feel as if what you are writing matters, even when you are writing yourself a note concerning when gin goes on sale. — Some people are entirely self-contained yet vulnerable, like an egg. Be wary if you find yourself in a basket among them. — Interrupting somebody’s yawn by putting your finger in his mouth is funny only to the person doing the interrupting. Rarely does it delight the yawner. — Nobody is enthralled by Magic Eye pictures anymore. — There comes a point in every relationship when you either break up or get married. — You alone understand what your pet is trying to say. Everyone else is just guessing. — There’s a big difference between a checkmate and a stalemate. — Propinquity is a poor basis for life-long passion. Just because you brush up against somebody in the dark a few times doesn’t mean you have to vow to love them forever. — If, as the old saying goes, you have to be cruel to be kind, then it also goes without saying that sometimes you have to be kind to be cruel. Consider the classic joke about a surly New York waiter and his disgruntled boss. The waiter’s constant display of arrogance, perpetual whining, and unrelenting complaints seem to have gotten him exactly the response he’s been aiming for: the boss decides to give the waiter a big raise in salary. The waiter, feeling very good about himself, brags to the rest of the staff that he finally wore the old man down, and finally won himself a rightful place above the rest of the herd. A week later, the boss asks the waiter to come into the head office. “You’re fired!” the boss shouts, slamming his fist down on the table with a grin. “Fired?”undefinedcries the waiter, astonished.undefined“How can you fire me after you just increased my wages?undefinedThis is crazy. Why would you fire somebody after giving him a such a big raise?” The boss, opening the door to show him out, says simply “I wanted you to lose a better job.” (Thanks to George for this one.) — Returning to what you know in an inevitably painful relationship is like licking the last of the frosting and knowing you risk slicing your tongue on the knife. — One of the great definitions of literature ( as heard in Quentin Tarantino’s 1995 movie, From Dusk Till Dawn): Preacher: “Has anybody here read a real book about vampires, or are we just remembering what a movie said? I mean a real book.” Biker: “You mean like a Time-Life book?” — If you’ve spent your life listening to what other people say, you are certainly an interested person; you are not, however, necessarily an interesting one. — Achieving the predictable isn’t the same as reaching for the possible. — While we understand about scurvy and all, do we really believe a lemon wedge can save somebody’s life? Isn’t the issue of life and death bigger than an adequate supply of citrus? And if it isn’t, shouldn’t it be? — If there is a lesson to be learned in life, you have probably learned that same lesson before.