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September 21, 2008, 09:50 AM ET
What Would You Say To This Email?
Under the heading of “You Can’t Make This Stuff Up,” I’m pasting a message I got at 3:22 a.m. from a student who will remain unidentified, a message from out of nowhere, a kid who does NOT say where he goes to school, a student NOT from UConn (that much I could look up), who demands that I “reiterate on” an essay I wrote for The Philadelphia Inquirer.
I have left untouched his stylistic, umm, eccentricities. And I am serious when I ask the question: what would you do? Would you write back? What would you say?
“So in this article, which I had to read and dissect in my college writing class, you say that The Joker is hot. That is retarded. He would kill you. You are just saying Heath Ledger is hot. Can’t see through your retardness. You have a PHD I assume and whoever gave that to you is retarded. I agree with your article at the end, about the patriarchy stuff. The sad thing though is that you gravely offended me, a male. You decided too, kind of in a fascist manner, say men are just two extremes. Either Johnny Depp/your beau Heath “bad boys” or frat jock man tools. So are you trying to tell me up in Connecticut that that is twos types of men? Do you live in a conformist vacuum of retards? Seriously though, do you really believe those generalizations you made up? Do you really live in a world where some men hang out in bars and hit on your friends and then also never leave you for your friends. Your article implies that this is cool, because, why? Why would you want a man who would let your friends hit on him and let you pay for stuff and then bang your friends later. I don’t understand, but then again, i’m not retarded. So, ok, you love Heath Ledger. You say he is ‘enthralling’, but I guess you mean the Joker. Who is a ‘bad boy’ who doesn’t want to really date you or anyone else. He would kill you like a retard. Please reiterate on your article. I need you to help me because I have to write a article on your retarded article.”
You see now , dear readers, why I am both laughing my head off and wondering what to do next….
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