When I left graduate school, I pretty much knew what I had to do to become a successful academic: Get lots of grant money, publish a bunch of good papers, and hire functional students and staff assistants. Earning tenure, becoming a full professor, and having an active research career were clear priorities for me, but so were having a family and enjoying a balanced life. I had no idea how to make all of that happen, and I worried a lot about how to start a family in a way that would not kill my academic career.
All of that worrying resulted in my making some good choices and some not-so-good ones. As a colleague, a department chair, and an associate dean, I've used my successes and my mistakes to advise many faculty members on the "family track." Everyone has a different trajectory when it comes to career and family, but there are some common lessons for aspiring parents on the tenure track that I find myself repeating over and over.
Be politically aware. Like it or not, you need to become and remain aware of the political winds around you as you plan to start a family and pursue an academic career. Happily, it's no longer the case that "women are either mommies or professors, but never both," as I was told during the first year of my faculty position — by a female administrator, no less. Still, you need to be sensitive to internal politics. It's crucial to land in a place that is truly supportive of combining family life and academic work.
I was not politically savvy. I had hoped to start a family when I was a postdoc. But it turned out that my postdoc mentor, although a mother herself, was inflexible and dictatorial. In an ideal world, I would have been able to negotiate a compromise that met her needs and mine. But it became clear that such a conversation would not be productive.
Working with her, I learned the hard way about the impact of politics in the academic world. At certain points in your career, such as during a postdoc, you are especially vulnerable to political forces. During my postdoc, I could have confronted my adviser head-on, but I chose not to risk further damage.
My advice now? Don't put your personal life on hold, as I did, for political reasons. Just be aware and deliberate as you coordinate your work and family decisions, and know what you're getting yourself into politically.
Timing matters. As much as possible, plan the timing of your children around the stages and milestones of an academic career. You'll hear all kinds of advice on that count: "Have your kids during your postdoc," or "Wait until you have tenure." Both tactics have some merit.
As a postdoc, you'll be younger and more able to juggle late-night feedings, sleep disruption, and lab-work requirements. You won't have the same teaching and service duties as a faculty member so you may have more flexibility in how your time is spent in and out of the lab.
A good adviser will support your decision to start a family and a career at the same time. You won't have much money, but you may be able to swing some days at home with the baby. On the other hand, as a postdoc, you are still working for someone, so you may have less independence and find yourself at a disadvantage relative to other Ph.D.'s in the lab when it comes time for recommendations.
As a faculty member, you may have less flexibility in your schedule because of teaching and service obligations, but you'll have more structure and autonomy as an independent scientist and faculty member. I had both of my children while I was on the tenure track; with discipline, planning, and luck, it all worked out and I earned tenure without stopping my clock.
Watch the clock. Do your best to time pregnancies and births around logical milestones in the tenure process and the academic year. I delivered my son three weeks after turning in my dossier for my pre-tenure review, and found out I was pregnant with my daughter right after I turned in my tenure dossier, as we had hoped. She arrived the following year during finals week of the spring semester. My husband and I tried to plan, and we got lucky. But if the timing does not work out as you'd hoped, or you find yourself "surprised," communicate the news to your department head as early as possible (more on that in a bit).
Educate yourself about your institution's family-leave policies and its rules for stopping the tenure clock. Most places allow faculty members to stop the clock for up to one year for each child (born or adopted). The catch is that many places require you to make the decision to stop the clock within a year of the arrival of the child. In other words, if you have a baby and don't stop the tenure clock, it's not OK to decide three years later, as you're assembling your tenure dossier, that you want to add a year to the clock.
Communicate early and often. Let your mentor and your department chair know as soon as possible after your pregnancy or adoption is under way, and update them when the situation changes (i.e., you are put on bed rest, or the adoption timeline changes).
Many faculty members and postdocs are reluctant to be upfront about their plans to have or adopt children. Perhaps they fear discrimination or just want to avoid uncomfortable conversations. But the degree of discomfort in the conversation will be much greater if the discussion happens too late for you and your adviser or department head to make plans to accommodate the big event.
When I was a department chair, I was much happier when a faculty member let me know he was planning to take family leave the following semester because his wife was pregnant than when another faculty member announced that the baby she had been planning to adopt for six months was finally ready to come home the next week, so she'd be going on leave immediately.
In the first case, the faculty member and I planned for his absence easily. We were able to get his classes covered with minimal stress and to discuss how the birth might affect his research and his tenure clock. In the second case, I was left scrambling to cover her classes and arrange leave for the faculty member, who indicated that she had not brought up the adoption before because she "did not want to trouble" me. Sigh.
Don't try to do your parenting and your professing at the same time. This is a tough one, but the fact is that the privilege and flexibility we enjoy as tenure-track faculty members can lead to some poor choices in terms of merging family and work in real time. A couple of no-no's in this arena: Do not lecture to your classes with your baby in a sling. Avoid bringing children to faculty meetings and other nonsocial campus obligations. When you try to combine those two worlds too closely, you look unprofessional and end up being unable to attend sufficiently to either one.
On the other hand, depending on the culture in your department, it may be fine to bring the baby to your office from time to time when you are just working (not having office hours or meeting with colleagues).
Likewise, exercise caution when deciding whether to bring your children to professional meetings. Remember that as a pre-tenure faculty member, those conferences are very important for making connections and getting your work known. Can you really do that well with a baby on your hip, or a nagging feeling that you need to cut out of a poster session to meet your family at the pool? Sometimes mixing business and pleasure can backfire.
Family and academic life will collide and must coexist, but they can be partitioned to some degree to meet the demands of each. Becoming a parent and becoming a professor are both dynamic, creative processes that require time, reflection, and discipline. My experience has taught me that keeping those two worlds separate at crucial times is essential to succeeding in, and enjoying, both.
