Question (from "Arky"): I'm new in a department that's trying to improve our research productivity. As my contribution, I combed the citation indexes for publications by department members and distributed a chart showing how many times each piece had been cited. As it happened, one of my articles had been cited quite a few times, while those of some of my more established colleagues were cited rarely or not at all. Was this in poor taste on my part?

Question (from "Bambi"): I have had a messy but (I believe) unpublicized skirting-around romantic involvement with one of my dissertation committee members ("Polonius," 30 years my senior), who is now seeing another grad student. I have been wanting him off my committee for years, even though I have gotten a lot of academic help from him, but have been afraid that people would suspect the reason. What should I do?

Question (from "Chris"): I'm a tenured full professor who recently had words with my new dean ("Deanna") about her policy on professional development. She suddenly said, "You don't believe me because I am a woman, and that tells me a lot about you." I felt offended and disrespected, and I sent her an e-mail saying so. She replied, "Have you realized that you challenged my words?" and added, "Have you done that with a male dean? I will be willing to work with you, but only if you treat me with respect, and I will treat you the same way." What is your advice about handling this?

Answer: Ms. Mentor rarely gets to tell all of her correspondents that they have done wrong -- but then, October is never a happy month for academics. It is a time of self-doubt for new tenure trackers ("Is this all there is?"), while all but the laziest and most entrenched faculty inevitably fall victim to Exploding Head Syndrome.

Still, Arky and Bambi and Chris have erred, with hot pen, hot tempers, and hot hands. Ms. Mentor directs them all to sit down, chill, and be rescued from their own folly.

Arky has good political instincts. He volunteers to be helpful, and then realizes he's made a big boo-boo -- for it is never good to make one's elders (and one's judges) look bad. And so Arky must backtrack, but most bright new people can figure out first, what their elders are good at, and second, how to compliment them for it. Since Arky's senior colleagues have no doubt dedicated themselves to teaching and service, Arky can seek out their advice for teaching and department citizenship. They will be flattered and appeased, and Ms. Mentor can relax.

Bambi's case is really Polonius's folly -- for he has loved unwisely, not too well, and probably too often. Ms. Mentor deplores romantic relationships between faculty members and students, and finds his conduct loathsome. He is entrusted with students' intellects, and to cross the boundary between mentor and lover is simply wrong. Polonius should keep his hands to himself.

Bambi, perhaps wisely, has not told Ms. Mentor what she means by "skirting" romantic involvement. (Did Polonius want to wear her skirt?) Whatever happened does seem to be over, and Bambi says he's been an academic asset -- yet she wants to expel him from her committee. Ms. Mentor suspects a spot of jealousy, for now Polonius has another victim.

There is little secrecy in academe, and no doubt many people do know about Bambi's skirting-flirting with Polonius. But Bambi has the chance to rise from the ashes, transcend a battered heart, and let Polonius give her the career push he owes her. She can make him look good -- and make herself a star.

Chris, though older, also needs a reality check from the impeccable Ms. Mentor. "Look what Dean Deanna did to me!" he seems to be railing. But when Ms. Mentor tries to imagine what ensued -- she comes up blank. Chris "has words," but what words? Chris sends an e-mail message, but does not reveal what was in that furious epistle. And, considering the dean's reaction, is Chris a man or a woman?

If male, did Chris interrupt his dean, as men frequently interrupt women? (Some 70 percent of conversational interruptions are commited by men breaking into women's speech.) Did he bellow and drown her out? Shake his fist?

If female, did Chris expect Deanna to show solidarity with women or be confidential in ways that Deanna can't or won't be? Did Chris want to bond with a female dean who insists on an academic pecking order? Or is Chris simply a typical tenured academic, a ranter against all authority figures?

Becoming an administrator, one recent correspondent reports, makes one instantly "disliked, misquoted, gossiped about, and maligned." Oh, the rants Ms. Mentor has seen.

Still, Chris has deeply erred. For Chris can control only his/her behavior, and s/he should not have sent a nasty "poor me" or "you're mean" e-mail message. No matter the provocation, one should not put hostilities in writing, for e-mail messages can be forwarded, archived, and remembered for eternity. Interpersonal and emotional communications should be handled face to face, in a respectful and conciliatory way, over coffee or lunch. Chris should not make accusations ("You always -- I never"), but should try, "I think maybe we got off on the wrong foot." An apology is never amiss.

Even people with tenure do need to work and play well with others.

Question: I crave universal answers from Ms. Mentor -- about when to apply for better jobs, whether to ask my current chair for a reference, and whether to discuss my marriage/divorce/job plans with my colleagues. But would I be better off quietly watching how others have handled such issues at my college, reading the Career Talk column on this site, consulting colleagues elsewhere, and being very discreet?

Answer: Yes.

SAGE READERS:: Ms. Mentor is always pleased to hear of happy endings for her flock of correspondents. The letter-writer in "The Caregiver and the Critic" now has a tenure-track job. The writer in "I Thought I Mentored Her ...," acting on Ms. Mentor's suggestion, has gotten his college to create a formal mentoring program, with meetings and workshops. One of the Ivy Leaguers in "When It Looks Like You Won't Get Tenure" has been awarded tenure.

As always, Ms. Mentor welcomes communications on all aspects of academic culture, but especially gossip, feuds, rants, and speculations. She continues to gather anecdotes for a column on coming out in academia -- when, why, how. Ms. Mentor rarely answers mail personally, does not open attachments, and cannot do individual consultations. And fear not: All mail is confidential, and Ms. Mentor is the soul of discretion.

Going to the MLA?

The Chronicle invites you to two special events at the Modern Language Association conference in New York. If you need career advice, be sure to stop by The Chronicle's booth in the exhibit hall at the New York Hilton -- No. 1201 -- on Sunday, December 29, to meet Ms. Mentor. She will take your questions from 10:30 a.m. to noon and from 2 to 4 p.m. And please join Chronicle editors and staff members from The Chronicle Review and the Career Network for drinks and hors d'oeuvres on Sunday, December 29, from 5:15 to 6:30 p.m. in the Mercury Ballroom at the New York Hilton.