I woke up one night recently thinking about those garish reptile gardens that punctuated vast stretches of the Western United States many years ago. Perhaps some of the gardens and their exhibits still exist, but I suspect they have long since gone the way of family road trips, games of counting Chevys versus Fords, and cheap gasoline.
When our behaviors or bladders would reach a breaking point, my father would grudgingly stop at one of the signs bragging "World's Largest Rattlesnake and Air-Conditioning." There we would (for a fee) stare into a pit containing the celebrity serpent.
The fascination for me wasn't the size of the rattlesnake; it was the life-and-death drama unveiled at every location. Minor variations occurred from place to place, but always there was a single well-fed snake curled up in the pit. Tripping over and around its coils, apparently oblivious to the silent menace, were white mice. Now and then we would see a slight bulge in the snake's belly, not coincidentally the size of a white mouse.
On everyone's mind as we stared into the pit were several unspoken questions: What do the mice know? How does the snake choose? If the mice know, how do they feel about their cohabitant? Does the snake regard his companions as colleagues, or merely protein? And, for me, some more esoteric questions: What kind of defense might an organized group of mice mount? Could an individual mouse at least delay the inevitable—e.g., by staying near the tail, albeit with some disadvantages, and so enjoy young adulthood or even middle age? Are the mice unconcerned because they are in denial, or just resigned? And so many other questions answerable only by the most insightful of snakes and mice.
Fast forward 40 years and that small boy, once hypnotized to the drama of biological detente, is an academic dean. My circumstances are similar to those of many readers of The Chronicle these days. I am employed by a university contemplating a significant (7 percent) budget cut. It comes on the heels of a 12-percent cut last year, a 5-percent cut the year before, and future cuts as far as the eye can see.
Only somehow this year feels different. There is nothing more to give back, and the defeat in people's eyes is palpable. A new variable has been entered in the equation of academic survival.
During meetings, casual conversations, social gatherings, fitness-center workouts, and countless other occasions, there is the unmistakable odor of death. Everyone knows we are past the point of taking budget cuts by giving back vacant positions, reducing expenditures for supplies and travel, shuffling budgets, or other administrative sleights of hand. No, that last round of cuts resulted in real people losing real jobs, in full view.
And this one will be worse.
Following a restless night of weighing which among several unpalatable scenarios would be presented to the provost the next morning, that long repressed image of rattlesnake and mice awakened me. Nuanced and subtle it was not; the identity of the snake was clear. It might as well have been wearing a dean's regalia.
Apologies are surely due my faculty colleagues, for they are not mice. Without exception they are proud, accomplished, and dedicated professionals, but they are also vulnerable to sudden and irrevocable decisions made by others. Even worse, there is probably no realistic alternative to placing the "ultimate" decision in a largely autonomous authority, but that is a topic for another day.
What concerns me on this day is gaining some understanding (is empathy possible, even sympathy?) for the snake. This wasn't what I signed on for: to destroy careers and make "least worst" decisions. I had a vision, dammit, to create a center of excellence and guide young faculty members so they could achieve their full potential.
I meant it when I told the search committee that an academic career was a privilege, and that opening doors to a new generation of undergraduate, professional, and graduate students was a noble legacy. It wasn't supposed to be a danse macabre where eye contact is avoided, direct answers are prohibited by the university lawyer, and we silently grieve our diminishing community.
At least I'm not a beneficiary and no one can detect a bulge in my belly whenever a nontenured faculty member disappears from the coffee room.
But that isn't true, I am benefiting. My position is secure, my salary is elevated, my access to privileged information guarantees my survival, and my cold-blooded efficiency puts me in a position to rise even higher in academic administration.
So here is what I think the snake would say to the mice: "We find ourselves in a terrible situation not of our making and certainly not of our choice. I will do what must be done, not because I want to but because it is required, and I will do everything possible to minimize our collective loss while assuring our collective survival. Your sacrifice is necessary for the community to survive, and your sacrifice will be honored and respected even as I extinguish your existence. Please try to understand."
Comments
1. laurencejgillis - February 16, 2010 at 06:58 am
"I feel your pain," he said. Somehow, that is not comforting. Not in the slightest.
(He does write well, however. Surely that counts for something)
In conclusion, my fellow mice, let me say this: "May God bless and keep the Tsar, far away from us."
2. mbelvadi - February 16, 2010 at 07:01 am
Maybe it's time for American university faculty to follow the lead of their Canadian brethren, and unionize. That would at least take deans like this one off the hook. And just maybe, in the face of a serious strike threat, the admins would find other ways to save money.
3. jffoster - February 16, 2010 at 09:14 am
I want to agree with mbelvadi (2) but eventually in severe down times, with a labor-intensive "industry", one runs out of other ways to save money. To be a Dean (which I have never been) or a Department Head (which I was for quite a while) in an expanding situation is easy; to be one of these in a contracting situation is not, and one had better have a thick skin and a lot of empathy, as Dean Wilkins seems to have.
4. maja_mikkels - February 16, 2010 at 09:44 am
What the Canadian brethren don't realize is that the bankrupting of the public education system is intentional.
In Minnesota for example, the governor hopes to become a presidential contender by further lowering taxes in the middle of the budget crisis because he can reasonably expect that about half of the people whose children now have been cut off of higher education (and who no longer enjoy proper city management, or social services, or an efficient legal system) will vote for him.
Because not paying taxes, not paying for your community, not paying for what you want and get, is the new "patriotic" over here.
5. vernaye - February 16, 2010 at 10:16 am
Snakes are reptiles. They are not genetically programmed for sympathy with their prey.
Deans, by contrast, are socially programmed not suppress their mammalian sympathy for their prey.
6. vernaye - February 16, 2010 at 10:20 am
"socially programmed to suppress" - correction
7. 11185500 - February 16, 2010 at 11:58 am
Deans are human? Who knew! Dean Wilkins sounds like the kind of dean I would like to have, at least he has a conscience and cares about his faculty as human beings...not just numbers
8. victorl - February 16, 2010 at 12:24 pm
Perhaps what is really needed in this crisis is fewer high-maintenance snakes (I mean, deans). What makes them more necessary than the faculty? Their "secure," "elevated," and "priviledged" position? Why are administrators "secure," but professors are not? To look at the contemporary campus, you would think that "essential services" have more to do with athletic coaches and facilities, "wellness palaces," and other money pits that, at least according to the recent (2008) NCAA report http://www.ncaapublications.com/Uploads/PDF/Revenue_Expenses_200860cc123e-54d9-45e7-acbd-a1f195b345e6.pdf seem to garner less "high profile" than high bills. E.g.: "The data available bear out that the vast majority [of division I programs] do not generate revenues that exceed costs." (p. 8) Mr. Wilkins' piece, though clearly well-meaning, is also somewhat self-serving. Let's see the university education mission looked at more wholistically, and not just in the standard "who is the easiest to fire" way. Then I might have greater buy-in to the whole "circle of life" scenario.
9. delagar - February 16, 2010 at 01:01 pm
Deans are human? Cry me a river. His salary goes up and meanwhile so do the number of adjuncts. Actual faculty, those lucky enough to still have jobs, can't live on salaries that are still at 2007 levels (or lower); no one is hiring anywhere, so those of us who graduated in 2007 or after can't find work; and those of us who got cut this year or last year won't find work; enrollment is up, just about everywhere, yet we're told the jobs aren't available; and oh, but the administration is sorry. So it's all right?
10. chriscross - February 16, 2010 at 02:48 pm
Though not so secure as to use a real name and university?
No responsibility is taken by this individual. Actually, it IS your choice to be a dean. If it is not what you signed on for, why do you continue? Deans at my public institution like to say we are moving towards a more business-oriented model. Of course, in a real business, middle management, the least essential and productive, is the first to go.
So I have no empathy, and certainly no sympathy. I might, if you or any administrator showed any self-sacrifice, or even a little less hypocrisy. Oh, to have a shovel.
11. lucianicus - February 16, 2010 at 03:33 pm
Cut administrators, they are not necessary for teaching. Cut building projects, we do fine teaching on the lawn.
Is what you claim duty to the organization, the people or yourself?
12. johntoradze - February 16, 2010 at 03:51 pm
I do believe, Grant, that you left out the part about becoming a Dean where the spine is surgically removed and replaced with money. Instead of being courageous, the money makes it preferrable (for you) to take no action where it is warranted, not be direct, not to make waves, and never, ever cross those above you. No, that money leads you to fob it off on "responsible officials" who usually only exist because of a court settlement.
Ah, academia! Where the safest route is to go into administration! Even lab techs learn this. The hard money is where the security is.
13. smallcollegeprof - February 16, 2010 at 08:17 pm
I appreciate the fact that this dean is struggling with the plate of crap that has landed in his lap, but are bromides about taking one for the team the best he can do?
14. dmaratto - February 16, 2010 at 09:56 pm
In my experiences in higher ed., the administrators are usually the most miserable and unpleasant people on the campus, the ones who I'd rather walk to the other side of the street rather than bump into. They are even more intolerable than the lady swiping cards at the dining hall.
There are, as I see it, two kinds of college administrators: ones who used to be faculty/staff/educators, and joined "the dark side" for whatever reason. These folks have that tired, defeated personality because they no longer get to do what they love, they just have to listen to people complain all the time, sign papers, look like they're paying attention in meeting after meeting, and kiss asses at donor events.
Then there are "professional administrators" who didn't join the dark side, they're the Emperor. They actually enjoy and celebrate the work of administration, which is a whole other kind of sadism.
The very few depictions of college administrators in popular culture also feature these characteristics: fun-hating, psychotic, utterly disastrous human beings (for example, Dean Wormer of Animal House, Dean Barbay in Back to School, and Dean Pritchard of Old School).
15. supertatie - February 17, 2010 at 08:23 am
Oh poor, poor faculty. Your whole professional lives someone has promised you a job for life, and now economic reality has set in, and you still don't see that promise for what it was: a lie.
Maja, unionizing wont save the system. It just takes away the ability to make needed cuts until the entire system collapses. That is "management by obstruction" and it is what faculty do best. At least when faculty try their hand at management, which is the problem.
The university budget model is a FAILED business model, for many reasons: a (flawed) belief in unlimited tax dollars, too many highly-paid administrators (and not enough GOOD ones), bloated expense budgets (called "faculty development"), exploding pet programs with minimal enrollment, and pie-in-the-sky tuition increases - at least at private universities, just to name a few.
Taking a flawed business model larger only means that when you have collapse, it becomes systemic failure, and that is what we are facing now.
Few of you know how to run an organization, and most of you view your primary purpose as obstructing anyone who tries to run it. If you want to know why so many colleges and universities in this country are teetering on the brink, don't blame the "administrators" as if they are somehow a different breed; that is like saying a glazed donut isn't a donut. You won't tolerate the idea that there are actually skills and experience sets associated with administration (management, leadership), so who do you elevate to those positions? Faculty - people who have no more experience running a major organization than you do. And then when a crisis hits, everyone looks around and bemoans the lack of leadership. Why would there be any "leaders" on campus? You haven't permitted them. There are no real leaders in any organization completely devoted to collectivist decision making; only people who hide safely behind groups and process.
That faculty can also damn anyone engaged in fundraising, or complain about the "corporatization" of universities shows even more laughable ignorance. For a staggering number of schools, those donors you deride, and the corporations you denounce, have been paying your salaries. Do you REALLY think the entire institution can be run from tuition and tax dollars?
I realize that the tenure process virtually mandates your insularity. (And that is a topic for another day.) But faculty's complete lack of understanding of operations, budgets, or strategic planning makes them manifestly unqualified to run an organization. Insisting that "leaders" be pulled only from their ranks virtually ensures failure.
And yes, I've been tenured faculty.
16. iconicologist - February 17, 2010 at 12:48 pm
It is no surprise to those of us who must take your blame and go that everything wrong with the system floats to the top. Thank you for your cold analogy, and while I see how you fit into your administrative position -- your anonymity plays into the lack of accountability evident in most academic administrators -- I do not see you as a snake. As thoughtless and indiscriminate as they may be in their feeding habits, snakes are not parasitic. Then again, I understand the difficulty in creating a compelling story from privileged family outings where your parents never chose to stop at a leech farm. Hey, no more sleepless nights, okay...?
17. alleyoxenfree - February 17, 2010 at 12:51 pm
It "is required"? By whom, god?
Everyone has a choice. He chooses to ax others while loading his own plate at the buffet. Cry me a river.
18. sdbarnesii - February 17, 2010 at 02:35 pm
An anecdote...I once worked at a small school under an administrator whose salary was roughly twice that of his teachers'. At the end of a successful first year on the job, he was offered a raise. Instead of expressing gratitude to the board for their kind generosity, he suggested that his raise be redirected to help one of his teachers--a single parent--who was being paid an embarrassingly low salary. The board complied. Less than a year later, he was fired. To this day, I still believe it was because he shamed the board with his kind gesture.
The administrator who was hired as his replacement--and who, twelve years later, remains secure in that position--was offered a starting salary that was twice that of the fired administrator. Wilkins, if you choose to sacrifice yourself, "your sacrifice will be honored and respected even as [the institution] extinguish[es] your existence."
19. dgcamp - February 17, 2010 at 07:07 pm
There is always a mongoose around which will sooner or later eat the snake. It's survival of the fittest and we are all animals scampering around in this blackboard jungle.
20. mrasher51 - February 17, 2010 at 09:56 pm
There are a few societal institutions that should not be run on a business model, education and healthcare leap to mind.
21. girl37 - February 18, 2010 at 10:38 am
@ 20: Agreed. But I'm Canadian.
22. supertatie - February 18, 2010 at 05:16 pm
@20 and 21: They haven't been. And that's why they're in the predicament they are.
23. realtyannie - February 19, 2010 at 05:32 am
So, Grant, how many new baby mice (grad students) are you raising on your feed farm?
24. webcat - February 19, 2010 at 09:39 am
As a newly devoured and economically expendable mouse, I feel no pity for the snake's indigestion - my gift to you. Interesting to note how quickly the rate of evolution increases once tenure is achieved. The lowly mouse becomes a snake, but a common garden snake compared to the King Cobra. YES, YES they clamor - we all agree - tenure this mouse. No, No says the King Cobra and what is a spineless garden snake to do? Nothing - survival of the fittest.
25. frogprof - February 19, 2010 at 10:49 am
And yet NO ONE here has suggested getting rid of -- or even minimizing -- athletic programs. (Don't hand me that BS about how much money they bring into the schools; they bring money into the ATHLETIC PROGRAMS.)
At my large, public alma mater, the football coach has just been handed a $2M RAISE, yet the humanities faculty members are hanging on by their fingernails -- and the lecturers in those departments are being let go by the dozens. I was foolish enough -- as the daughter of two academics, one of whom was also a college dean -- to think that colleges and universities were created for EDUCATION. Silly me.
26. loweredexpectations - February 23, 2010 at 11:19 am
Let's start by putting most administrators on a 9-month salary. Then let's resist the temptation to create Olympic-quality facilities for yoga classes at every single residential college in America. Those two steps alone would go a long way towards resolving the budget crises. It is "puzzling" that enrollment is up and teaching openings are down. When did faculty become tangential to higher education?
27. drofnothing - March 06, 2010 at 05:36 pm
1. Universities never have been and never should be "businesses." Their goal is not profit, but the progression of knowledge (research), and the preservation of it by passing it from generation to generation (teaching).
2. They should and must depend heavily on government support. They serve the public good, much like roads or the Post Office. Dollar for dollar, they're also absolutely the best investment a society can make.
3. American society, and particularly the average taxpayer, does not see any real value in higher education beyond "training." They prefer short-term gain (lower taxes) to long-term benefit. That's why I left the US.
3. I can't speak for all schools,but it was prestige-hungry administrators and a megalomaniacal president at my old U. that helped put it into such a financial bind. They kept enrolling more students without hiring more faculty and kept hiring "stars" of questionable quality rather than supporting the productive mid-level faculty and nurturing juniors.
So, Mr. SnakeDean, maybe next time you should think twice before spending your institution's money on a bigger pit rather than more food for the mice?
And frankly, what kind of sociopath praises their own "cold-blooded efficiency" and compares themselves to a poisonous reptile to begin with? If you're wise enough to recognize such flaws but don't have enough integrity to change them, you can only be part of the problem, never part of the solution. Otherwise, it's all just crocodile (or snake) tears.