Writing about "coupling" for college administrators is fraught with peril. Let me suggest the hazards right at the start, and then forge ahead.
First, most advice columns exhort people to do or not do certain things; in this case, I don't expect anyone to get married or break up on account of what they read here. Second, every situation has unique and personal aspects that swamp the generalizations I'm going to make. Third, you may not like the prevailing view of couple issues that is held by search committees, but the goal of this column isn't to seek change -- for now, these views are a reality to be dealt with.
Having said all this, I'll offer a few observations, structured around three broad couple statuses: marriage, same-sex partnerships, and being single.
In general, marital status is probably a more significant issue at higher levels of administration; the higher you are in the structure, the more your personal life is seen as both public and relevant to your ability to do the job. Therefore, I'll comment mostly on presidents, and my comments will probably apply somewhat less to vice presidents, still less to deans, and so on down the line.
College administrators who are married are the norm, although male presidents are more likely to be married than female presidents -- 90 percent of men compared with 57 percent of women, according to an article on paychecks for presidents' spouses that appeared in The Chronicle on September 22.
The reality is that there are likely to be fewer questions raised by a presidential search committee about the personal life of a married candidate, male or female. Committees usually just assume that the presence of a spouse means a happier candidate, with personal support and with practical assistance in the tasks of entertaining.
If there is a homophobic person on the search committee, he or she may be reassured to learn that the candidate is married and therefore probably not gay. While none of these things is guaranteed -- married presidents can be gay, can have unhappy marriages, or can have spouses unwilling to entertain or attend social events on behalf of the institution -- the presence of the spouse still lends a tone of "normalcy" and in that sense is usually viewed positively by the committee.
For those of us whose relationships with our spouses are pretty close to ideal, filled with mutual support and mutual respect, it's a good idea to offer this information to the search committee; they aren't normally going to ask questions about your personal life, so if there's something you want them to know, you need to tell them.
But a spouse can also be a troublesome factor. I have seen more than one candidate dropped from consideration at least in part because of a spouse who was unappealing to the committee in one way or another (e.g., a spouse who appears to be very old may make the candidate appear too old for the job, just by association).
In other cases, I have known references to describe characteristics of spouses -- sometimes things that may be appealing to the person giving the reference, but that are quite unappealing to the committee -- that leave the committee uneasy about giving further consideration to the candidate even without meeting him or her. Examples may include spouses who are perceived to be overly involved in the institution's governance or decision-making, spouses who expect to hold full-time or tenure-track faculty positions, and spouses who are perceived to behave badly (e.g., being too aggressive in their questioning about the institution prior to the position's being offered, seeming uninterested in the institution, drinking too much during the interviews).
The issues for male and female presidents differ somewhat in terms of what is expected of the spouse. Wives are often expected to be available to the institution and ready to assist with entertaining in and outside of the president's home, to join the president in cultivating donors, and to take on certain responsibilities such as campus beautification. Search committees increasingly realize that these may be unrealistic, and even inappropriate, expectations, considering that so many professional men have wives who are professionals too, not inclined to give up their work in order to support their husbands' careers. An institution that has strongly traditional expectations may simply not be a comfortable place for a couple with a different lifestyle.
Husbands of presidents, on the other hand, are subject to far less clear expectations. Because there is so much less familiarity with the role of president's husband, he has more of a chance to define it as he wishes. If he is a partner in entertaining, the campus may be delighted, but if he is absent from various events, few will criticize him as they might criticize a wife.
What can you do if you have a spouse who you think isn't enhancing your chances of getting a job that you want? Leaving him or her at home isn't always a viable solution!
When it comes time for the on-campus interview, committees may say "spouses optional." In my experience, however, if one candidate brings a spouse, those who come alone are viewed negatively; it is assumed that the spouse wasn't interested enough to attend (even when it was made clear that the search committee's schedule or child care or work demands made the trip impossible).
If your spouse comes to an interview with you, he or she needs to prepare as fully as you do. Partners should understand the culture of the institution and the "culture of interviews." Interviews are an occasion when candidates are under a microscope from the minute they arrive to the minute they leave, and from the very beginning of the day to the end. There is no such thing as a break; if there is an institutional representative present, you're still on stage.
My point is not that you or your spouse should behave in deceptive ways; my point is that you must be extremely self-aware and take responsibility for deciding how you want to handle each situation that comes up. How informal do you want to be? How interested in the job do you want to appear? You and your spouse should invest considerable time in talking about these kinds of things and reach an understanding of how to handle the interview process. Afterward, especially if you don't get the job, try to get some feedback about how each of you was perceived so that you can both do better the next time.
Many of the preceding observations may apply to same-sex couples. But in most institutions -- even those that provide benefits for same-sex-partners and give other indications of being comfortable with gays and lesbians -- I would expect some broader uneasiness about appointing a gay or lesbian president or perhaps other senior officer.
If you have a same-sex partner, you will probably have thought a great deal about how open to be about this, and many considerations will shape your decision. I have seen candidates who are quite candid about their personal relationships, and others who are more guarded, and both can be successful approaches.
My only advice is that you should make a careful appraisal of what the search committee is likely to learn from others or to guess on its own, and then you should decide what you want to tell the committee members directly so they don't learn it in some other way.
Being a gay or lesbian administrator isn't a widely discussed and reported topic, but I hope that before long we will hear more from people who have found satisfactory ways to blend this aspect of their personal lives and their work lives, and who are willing to share their experiences with others.
What about people who are single?
Search committees at senior levels are often dismayed by single candidates. In addition to simply seeing them as something out of the ordinary, singles may be viewed as not having the personal support needed to do a high-stress job, or as lacking a partner for social functions. On the other hand, the single person doesn't have the hazards mentioned above of the badly behaved spouse. And occasionally a search committee member will say that the single person has more time and energy, both physical and emotional, to devote to work.
If you are single, you may be able to help a search committee think through any aspects of your status that may trouble them. You can find an opportunity to mention how you handled dating in your previous position, to describe any responsibilities you may have for joint custody of children, or name the people you have asked to be your escort and assist you in entertaining. You can, in other words, help the search committee to think through the issues that may be worrying them.
In the end, candidates have to decide how they want to present many aspects of their personal lives, and their "couple status" is just one example. Each candidate should strive to find a comfortable approach. And once you've succeeded in the interview, you're ready for the next and greater challenge -- finding a comfortable way to do the job and to strike a satisfactory balance of worklife and personal life over the long term.
